Its Not All So Black And White
by FaithSky
Summary: Sequel to New Foundations - set five years after the NF fic, with changes happening all around them can Emily and Naomi stay the same? Or will everything they thought they knew turn out to be changing too? Naomilly, Effy Mel Yes she is back! :D
1. Chapter 1

**Ok, so here we are again...I was going to make you all wait, or at least write a couple more one-shots as fillers! But I guess you can't hold back your creativity and if you want to write something then you should just write it! So yes, this is the sequel!**

**Set five years in the future, Naomi is done with university and they are still living in Scotland! I have no idea where I am going to take this yet, so the next chapters may be a while...the only thing I knew was how I was going to start it... :D**

**Goes something like this...**

"Fucking, shit...Mel?" Every part of me stopped what I was doing hands, fingers, lips...tongue; Emily immediately pulled the covers roughly over the both of us. There was no point in hiding; she knew exactly what she had interrupted, I hated her so much some times.

"No lesbian bed death yet then huh?" Mel just stood, arms folded, resting slightly against our bedroom door, with that crooked smile that I...well...that I missed too much. Her hair was blonde now, five years older and still just as breathtakingly beautiful as the first day I met her. Emily must have seen all the thoughts going around in my head as she nudged me from underneath the duvet, reminding me just exactly what we were in the middle of and just exactly how naked we both were.

"No...not yet anyway, there is however going to be _a _death if you don't fucking leave!" I couldn't stifle the laugh that escaped from me as I hauled a pillow at her, Mel shrieked and joined in with my laughter as she disappeared out of the door and shut it behind her. I loved it when she came to visit Emily and me; but she needed to remember how to knock. I felt Emily's eyes gaze all over me, I knew without turning around that she had that annoyed but really sexy look on her face the one that said 'I know she is your best friend and all, but her and Effy really need to just fuck off now!'

Mel and Effy had been staying with us for the past three weeks; something about now that university was over they wanted to spend as much time with us as possible, due to the fucking awful idea of my new job being just around the corner.

After moving to Scotland to be with Emily we had gone from strength to strength, she got an annoying but well paid office job, punching numbers and fetching coffee for some big wig boss who was an utter cunt. I had only met him once at one of Emily's work dos but he looked like he was just trying to get into my girlfriends pants, something I didn't take all too kindly to. Especially considering the past few years had been incredibly kind to Emily, she was more gorgeous than ever, her slim figure had become toned in all the right places and she had the crease of muscle on her stomach that ran down towards her underwear. The perfect shape of her body made me melt every time I saw her even remotely naked. Her hair was as red as ever, only slightly shorter with a fuller fringe that framed her eyes perfectly.

Emily and I had moved in together just over a year ago, everything was going really well. We had a little flat all to ourselves; most of the time, which was amazing, only a short commute between both university, before I had finished, and Emily's family. Katie was a really good friend which, I suppose, is a good thing...if not slightly disconcerting. I had helped her quite a lot when she was trying to get through counselling for not being able to have kids. Being there as some kind of support when she was struggling, Katie appreciated it...even if she would never admit it to anyone other than Emily and me.

I removed myself from the comfort of our bed and made my way out to make some coffee, it was still our tradition, even if things hadn't really gone smoothly this morning.

"Morning..." Effy: woman of no words whatsoever. You were lucky if you got more than a grunt out of her in the morning.

"Hey...fancy keeping your girlfriend on a shorter leash? She walked in on something rather precarious this morning..." I chuckled a little as Effy managed a smile, I handed her the cup I was making before pouring two more for me and Emily. Mel was out on the balcony having a smoke so I didn't bother asking if she wanted anything.

"Yea, she said...sorry." Effy was as bland as ever, but it made her who she was, the silent, majestic, fucked up girl we all knew and loved.

I gave her a brief kiss on the forehead before returning to the comfort of Emily's arms, unfortunately the comfort of Emily's arms was currently rifling through the wardrobe looking for...clothes!

"Clothes weren't part of the deal for this morning...it's Saturday, remember, you don't have to work, we stay in bed all day, watching movies and such shit." Emily glanced over at me her eyes meeting mine, she smiled as our lips connected for a few brief moments. Continuing her rummage she eventually gave up and pulled on a black pencil skirt, topping it off with a red and white blouse, buttoning it up far enough so that the love bite above her breast was hidden. Noticing it she glared over at me and I tried my best to look innocent but I was too busy grinning with pride. She smirked at me and rolled her eyes gently and downed the entire mug of coffee I had lovingly prepared, I was just sat on the bed waiting for an explanation as to why she was actually going into work.

"Don't look at me like that baby...Naoms you know that as soon as I get the call I have to go in, I'm in line for promotion..." She walked over to me and kissed me gently on the cheek before taking her empty cup off of the side and leaving. I tried to be confused and slightly angry, but the only thing I could think of was how her high heels made the muscles in the back of her legs tighten and made her arse look amazing. I shook my head and collapsed back into the soft, Emily scented pillows.

I slept for a while, a few hours, dreaming about nothing in particular, hoping that it would somehow fill the time until Emily came back; whenever that would be. Sometimes she could be in work until the wee hours of the morning. _God, living in Scotland has had an effect on my vocabulary! _

Mel and Effy went out after lunch so I was completely alone for the first time in nearly a week, I didn't like it. I debated calling Emily, but I knew she hated to be bothered at work...I was stuck. Wandering out onto the balcony with my laptop, deciding that procrastination was never a good thing, especially when that thing happens to be your first satirical based piece for 'The Scotsman' – one of the most renowned newspapers in the south of Scotland. I started typing, hoping that sparks would fly out of my fingertips...nothing. Not even something about just how shit English politics was, I knew that would go down well here, but I couldn't even bring myself to slag off the Labour party. _Fuck it...I must be missing her. _

In his wisdom, Emily's boss had decided that he wanted someone that would work closely with him, marketing and such bollocks. I kept telling her that all she needed to do was flash a little cleavage every so often and the job was as good as hers. Unfortunately for me however she insisted on doing things the right way which meant she had been away at work almost constantly for the past couple of months. I had nothing against her wanting to further her career, in fact I found her ambition pretty fucking sexy, but I missed her. I missed just spending time with her, in our apartment, not doing much and just enjoying the togetherness.

There were no words on the screen of my laptop, other than 'I miss you!' which I had typed about seventy eight different times each in a different font. I found myself thinking about the exciting life that I lead as I ended up staring out into the cloud filled sky. If you think the weather in England is shit, you should try moving to Scotland, it's colder and wetter and even in the height of summer the sun has to try and barrage its way through a million fucking clouds. But when it managed that fate, it was beautiful...green rolling hills, trees that had lived here for years and hadn't just recently been planted to make some twat feel better about digging up a forest somewhere to make room for seven brand new building complexes. It was breathtaking, lakes, new lakes that Emily and I had conquered back when we actually did things together; and the views were to die for, you could see for miles around on a clear day.

"Naomi, Naomi...where for art thou Naomi..." Mel's voice resonated up the three stories to where I was sat on the balcony; she was trying to be cute. I took my laptop off of my knees and looked over the railing to see Mel and Effy stood, just looking up at me with massive grins across their faces.

"What's up? You two look far too happy for my liking!" I shouted down and smiled to myself as Mel ran inside the building and I assume up the few flights of stairs, she looked too excited for lifts. Effy was a little bit more subdued, finishing her fag before making her way inside.

I waited patiently for Mel to burst through the door, trying desperately to hide the excitement that I wasn't alone anymore, even if my girlfriend was ignoring my e-mails and my texts. _Don't start thinking about it._ I warned myself, knowing that as soon as I started worrying about what Emily was actually up to my mind would be filled with all sorts of thoughts that would escape all reason. I shook my head to try and break away from my own brain, it was difficult but doable. Mel burst through the door and it was only then that I noticed the tears that were streaming down her face. I assumed the worst.

"Babes, what happened?" I ran to her and wrapped her up in my arms before I noticed that she also had a huge smile beaming from ear to ear.

"Ef, she...oh my god...I mean; Naoms..." I felt like shaking it out of her, grabbing her shoulder and wrestling her from side to side. I thought to myself that it was probably a little too violent for this situation, but thinking about it made me smile. Quickly I snapped my attention back to my stuttering best friend, willing her with my facial expression to just fucking blurt it out.

"We're getting married!" She finally screeched as Effy appeared in the doorway behind her, utter confusion flashed across my face. Out of everyone I had ever known Effy was probably the one person I couldn't imagine ever tying the knot, she didn't seem to believe in the constitution of marriage, much like me, and didn't see the point of proving that you loved someone with an extravagant charade, a piece of paper and a ring. It was all slightly too mainstream and Effy was the only other person I would have guessed thought the same way as me. Meanwhile, after zoning out into my own shell of loathing everything about conventional society, I realised that Mel was going on about how it had happened, and where, and knowing her there would be some sort of written exam afterwards just to make sure I had taken it all in. So I paid as much attention as was physically possible; which wasn't a lot as all I could think was..._Effy, getting married, Effy, that Effy, married...engaged, Effy getting married to Mel. Fuck!_

Eventually, after having the ring shoved under my nose about sixteen times in the space of three minutes I decided to take the sour look off of my face and just be happy for them. They were obviously in love and who was I to say what they should and shouldn't do together, two of my absolute best friends were getting married! I gave Mel a peck on each cheek before pulling her and Effy into a massive hug, attempting not to squeeze the life out of them too much.

Effy cooked, she was a very talented chef, it was annoying really; no matter how hard I tried all I could cook was spaghetti bolognaise and shepherd's pie...well that and anything that just involved stabbing through some polythene with a fork and shoving it in the microwave. I had tried and failed three more times to get hold of Emily in an attempt to make sure she would be home for our special celebration of a dinner. Or at least that is the excuse I am using.

I had popped off to the supermarket to get some wine, leaving the wives to be, preparing something delicious. The shop wasn't a long walk away but I decided to take my time, it was funny, after craving company, it was the company that ended up making me just want to be alone. Thinking about how the only thing Emily and I had decided in the past five and a half years was to move in together. And here were Mel and Effy planning all this, having been together for a considerably shorter period of time than Emily and me. I wasn't sure whether it was because they were moving too fast or because we were moving to slow. I don't think I actually want to know because no matter which way that question is answered it signifies one of our relationships might have a problem, and with that signification comes the hope that it isn't mine.

I couldn't decide whether red or white wine would go best with dinner, I wasn't really in the mood to care, I just wanted to get drunk and pass out, so as long as it was alcoholic, it was good with me. But I figured that a special occasion called for a special drink so I went with a deep red wine that sounded French. _They're good at making wine right?_ I paid quickly and walked back to the apartment, I must have been gone for a total of twenty minutes at the most but as I returned I noticed Emily's car in the car park and my mood improved a little.

As I neared the door, I could hear mumbling, fiddling for my keys and as always they were in the last pocket that I checked. Holding the bottle of wine carefully under my arm I twisted my key in the lock and bustled my way in. Immediately I wished I hadn't, or had at least found the key sooner so that I could have avoided the question from even being asked.

"So have you and Naoms, ever thought about marriage?" Mel asked Emily and I just froze, wine under one arm, keys in my hand, ashamed at the fact that I didn't really want to know the answer.

**So there you have it...like I said next few chapters are not even planned yet so the update might be a while! Sorry! I just felt like writing this so I did...**

**Please review! It really makes my day and reading them all fills the boredom caused by writers block! :D **


	2. Chapter 2

**So I think I figured out the next chapter! I apologise in advance for this one, Grandma is going into hospital soon so I am full of shitty emotions, many of which accumulated in ANGST!! So yea, I would say enjoy, but I have a funny feeling you won't be able to! :(**

I woke up with a terrible crook in my neck after spending the night attempting to sleep on the unbelievably uncomfortable sofa, lumps and bumps were situated in completely all the wrong places. But after the events of last night I couldn't bear to be waking up having to look at Emily. Minor domestics were always shit, especially when there was a perfectly happy fucking couple currently occupying the spare bedroom. Which was in essence a contributing factor for me hafting to sleep on the sofa.

All I had heard for the entire of last night was muted groans, squeals and annoyingly heavy breathing from Effy and Mel; it was shit. Obviously I hadn't slept much; add the protruding arms of the sofa and the heated argument from last night and I was admittedly quite pissed off. I needed to get the hell out of here before I made everything any worse, which was more than likely considering my knack of putting my foot in it. I didn't want to give anyone a chance to actually engage me in conversation, deciding that at least that way, I couldn't say anything wrong. Rubbing the back of my neck to attempt to regain some mobility, so I didn't look like a fucking puppet with a rubber collar, I crept into our room. I found myself pausing momentarily and spending a few lost seconds staring at Emily. I sighed quietly to myself before grabbing some clothes from the dresser and slowly but precisely getting dressed, attempting to make as little noise as possible. _Ripped jeans and a hoodie that was far too big...hmmm sexy! _

As soon as I was ready I couldn't help but hurt myself further by approaching the bed and running my fingers over the warmth that was surrounding Emily's skin. She looked so peaceful; I dropped an apologetic kiss onto her head before turning and walking carefully out of the doors that caged me. Releasing myself out into the slightly chilly morning air, I shivered slightly against myself as my body adjusted to the early daybreak. Thankfully it didn't take too long and I made my way to the woodland that resided about a ten minute walk away from our apartment. Everything was so beautiful and the crisp leaves crunched under each tender footstep as I wandered aimlessly towards the rope swing. I found myself coming here more and more often, it was so tranquil, making it so much easier for me to just sit and think. The sun was shining perfectly through the trees and the wind was causing the shadows to flicker magnanimously, it was all so breathtaking, I had forgotten just how amazing nature could be. I was knee deep in fucked up everything else, it was nice to have somewhere to escape to, even if it was for the briefest of moments.

My mind wandered treacherously back to last night; I cringed at the memory, swinging back and forth I remembered just how much of a cock I had been.

"So have you and Naoms, ever thought about marriage?" I had just stood there, Emily's face rushed through about five different emotions before settling on half a smile. Sometimes in moments of crisis you have a rush of adrenaline that means you know exactly what to say...however sometimes you don't have a fucking clue and blurt out completely the wrong thing. But even an exclamation of 'you know that the elephant is the only mammal that can't jump!' would have almost certainly been better than what I did. Nothing. I did nothing, sometimes not doing or saying a single thing is the worst thing in the world that you could possibly do, this was one of those times. I just stood there in a deafening silence, watching as the awkward tears welled up in Emily's vacant eyes.

I'm not sure how long I would have just stood there, feet locked to the spot, if it hadn't been for the look on Effy's face and Mel practically shoving me towards the bedroom that Emily had disappeared into. I shut the door silently behind me, resting my head against the soft wood, eyes closed, brain running around in circles trying to find something, fucking anything to say. I turned around and my mind was still struggling as I noticed Emily sitting precariously on the edge of our bed, crying empty tears and making me feel utterly terrible. I hated how quickly a day, or even a simple moment can go from perfectly acceptable to totally gauche in the space of a few hushed seconds.

"You really don't think about that stuff?" Emily's quivering voice ripped through the silence that had descended around us. I swallowed hard as her eyes burnt into me; I felt my stomach start to tighten uncontrollably.

"Ems, I love you so much I find it hard to think about anything other than fucking just being with you, so, no, I haven't thought about marriage or starting a family...what do you want me to say?" I started to move myself forwards, trying in some way to close the chasm of distance that had suddenly opened up between us. She just motioned at me not to bother so I stopped dead and started twiddling my thumbs anxiously.

"Well that's just fucking great; how can you not think about spending the rest of your life with me..? Nice to know your committed Naomi!" Emily trailed off and I realised just how shit the truth could actually be.

"Stop putting words in my mouth Emily! For fuck sake, of course I think about spending the rest of my life with you; I just never thought that the rest of our lives would mean marriage and fucking kids." I didn't realise just how loud I was shouting until Emily stood up and closed the physical gap between us in complete anger. I wished so hard that life had a rewind button or something, so I could stop this whole thing from ever starting. I looked at her, clenching my fists tightly and waited, as the knot in my stomach grew and the back of my throat strained to hold back tears.

"Yea well sometimes that's your fucking problem, you don't fucking think! Or talk to me about anything...not how you're feeling, not even to tell me if you did more than sit on your arse all day..." Emily was shouting now, words full of months of built up spite, it was awful. That's the worst thing about arguments; they snowball. Emotions cloud and you end up screaming about every single tiny thing that has been getting on your tits for the past couple of months, even years. Emotions that had remained safely bottled up in the false smile that you kept portraying.

"Ok, you want me to fucking talk? Fine, don't get me wrong I love and admire your ambition; but I fucking miss you. You are never here, you spend no time with me and even for those brief fleeting fucking seconds when you are here...you're fucking moaning about how much you work you have to do. Self centred much? Jesus, I know I don't have a lot to do at the moment but...fuck...would it kill you to detach yourself from kissing your bosses hairy arse long enough to ask me how the fuck I AM?" Emily looked broken, mouth half open, dumb founded at my outburst. Hell I didn't even think it was all going to come out, and so loudly. I swallowed the lump that had formed in the back of my throat back down into my chest. I tried to take her hand but she just flinched away from my touch. It all hurt, and once again it was my own fucking fault. _Way to go genius, why don't you just fucking explode at your girlfriend because she wanted to know if you planned to spend the rest of your life with her. Good one!_

"Just fuck off!" Emily screamed at me as she hugged herself into my pillow. My heart was breaking seeing her like this, but I was in for a penny, might as well go in for the pound.

"Fine, but if you see Emily Fitch, the love of my life, around here anywhere can you let her know that her girlfriend fucking misses her?" With my parting blow I did as she had asked and left, storming out of the bedroom door, leaving it wide open but slamming the front door behind me. I flew down the flights of stairs and out into the lonely night, completely isolated with a million thoughts running around and around in my head.

Snapping my attention away from the utterly terrible memory and firmly back to my current situation; half stuck on a rope swing wishing with all of my might that last night had never happened, phone vibrating in my pocket. I fell backwards in my attempt to get it; the ground smashed against my back, it hurt, but I ignored the pain and leant up onto my elbows before clicking open my phone. I didn't get the chance to say hello.

"What the fuck did you do? You realise I am going to rip your cunting head off!" Katie didn't sound completely angry, though her choice of phrase suggested different, there was a hint of worry and surprise in her voice. It was strange, my mind drifted slightly before figuring that she had been called to her twins rescue, but it was refreshing that it wasn't total menace behind the way she spoke.

"Nothing, just let out a few fucking emotions, if that is ok?" Sarcasm poured out of me, I hadn't meant it to; it just did. I didn't want to test the waters of mine and Katie's friendship but I couldn't change what I had said. So I just sat there, by myself in the middle of a wood, the cold ground clinging to the back of my head almost soothingly against my oncoming headache. I heard Katie sight into the phone.

"Don't get fucking sarky with me you twat. Emily's locked herself in the fucking toilet, screaming something about messing everything up again. Something about her not being good enough...she is fucking worth more than this Naomi...what the fuck?" I heard the faint mumble of crying in the background, followed by what I assumed was Mel attempting to get Emily out of the toilet.

"She never fucking listens Katie, she is all wrapped up in work, and we flew off the handle at each other. It was shit, but Emily isn't the only one who got hurt." I was still holding back tears, the sounds of Emily's sobs in the background was enough to break my heart into a million pieces and I felt bad, but she hadn't been there and I know it sounds completely selfish, but I did miss her.

"Yea you screamed a lot, big fucking deal, where are you? Can you come back and help me get your fucking mess out of the bathroom please? Besides, Mel and Effy are worried, said you ran off pretty early, for fuck sake, even I'm starting to worry." I smiled into the phone and assumed that despite it all Katie did the same thing, this time I didn't need to think, I didn't really want to see anyone right now, I had meant what I had said. Emily wasn't the only one hurting, she hadn't been there. The realisation killed me inside, I kept telling myself that I was a selfish prick and that everything that Emily was doing was for the good of us both. But wanting to spend more than five minutes with your girlfriend before she collapsed in a tired heap wasn't a lot to ask. _Was it? _

"Don't worry; I'm fine...can't come back right now, got shit to do, look after her ok..? And I don't know when I will be home. Sorry." I hung up, ignored the further seven calls that all came from Katie before eventually giving in and turning my phone off. Everything was turning to shit; and I was letting it.

If I'm being honest, I am tired; even though it was a long time ago I had spent so much time and effort trying to Emily back in my life and now the thought that she had just told me to get stuffed when we faced on minor problem, hurt. Ever since I had become completely sure of my feelings I had done my utmost to make everything run smoothly, I had suffered under her mother's glare, I had waited for her into the dead of night and my university work had suffered because of it. I had been through so much in getting her back and keeping her that I just wanted to...exist...wrapped up in each other, I never honestly thought about marriage as just round the corner so I obviously just never thought about it.

The worst part was I still wasn't fucking thinking about it, I was just sat on the muddy ground feeling sorry for myself...I loved Emily, more than life, I would gladly die for her, bring myself back to life and then fucking do it again. But the constitution and statistics behind marriage scared me shitless. My mum; separated then divorced...Emily's parents; separated then eventually after several attempts at a reconnection, divorced...Effy's mum and dad; still separated. It just frightened me that the strain of marriage or the complications behind starting a family would destroy us once and for all. I couldn't lose her again. It had almost killed me last time.

I must have just sat there for three or four solemn hours, watching as the shadows danced across my skin. All the colours seemed to swim around my vision and I smiled to myself at just how beautiful the day was. Thinking so carefully about everything, that I fucking hurt, but at least the fresh air was coming close to getting me an answer to all of the questions that had been raised. It was hard as every time I tried to think about anything my mind just ended up wandering back to the thought of Emily, alone, hiding from the world, because of me. I persevered; I needed to get everything straight in my own head before I even thought about talking things through with Emily.

I decided to focus on the things I was absolutely sure of; I knew I was madly in love with Emily, like stupidly in love, the kind of love that we can't comprehend until it hits us square in the face. The kind of love that makes you feel like you can actually fly, the love that lifts you so high that for once, you don't want to look back, you just want to drift forever in the arms of the person that makes you feel...complete. I was so in love with her that it actually hurt sometimes, when I had to watch her walk away or she was laughing with someone else, it hurt...She was my air, and without her I am sure that I would just perish. I needed her so much it scared me that I was so fucking reliant on someone else, it made me feel vulnerable, and I was petrified of being left alone.

But even after all that; I didn't believe in marriage, I just couldn't seem to get my head around how people could be so naive that they thought a piece of paper and a few rings could make their love any stronger. If anything I thought it showed weakness in a relationship that people needed the confirmation of a wedding. It was just something that I just couldn't fucking understand and added to that the fact that I was absolutely bloody sure I would be a crap mother/father, I wasn't even sure how the hell having kids was going to work.

I guess that's what it boils down to, I'm not sure and unquestionably when you are making one of the biggest decisions of your life you need to be sure, one way or the other.

Tears started flowing and I gripped at my hair so tightly I thought I was going to rip it out, which made my headache even worse...I was just full of intelligent decisions. The sun had hidden, black clouds rolled in; covering the sky in the shame and depression I was currently trying to shake off. It rained, hard, and I just let each non-relenting droplet wash all over me. Closing my eyes I tried to focus on everything, all the shit, Emily, marriage, kids, everything as if each thing that bothered me was being taken away by the rain. All the bad stuff was just drifting towards absence and I could be sure again, sure of my relationship with Emily, sure of exactly what I wanted...whether it was what she wanted to hear...or not.

**Hmmm, let me know what you think...A big thank you as always for reading, please review, especially considering I am still trying to fathom this one out! If you didn't like the angst you can always check out the complete fluff that resides in my one shots! (Pluggage!!)**

**Love you all as always!!**


	3. Chapter 3

**Sorry it has taken a while, life is running me around in circles at the moment...I had some serious problems with the way this chapter flowed, in essence...it didn't! **

**Made me a little bit angry so I plugged in my i-pod (Every Avenue - Thank you KairiM) and tried to break through the wall that was blocking my creativity. **

**Not sure whether it worked...but have a read and let me know!**

It was dark, cold and wet. I had been led on the ground, just letting the rain sink in, for about an hour. The murky clouds overhead cast an eerie blackness over the early afternoon, trees were dancing in the wind and everything seemed so hopeless. My clothes clung to me with the wetness of the world's tears, I was probably going to get fucking pneumonia...but the rain was soothing. Concentrating on each single droplet had made me forget the mess my life had become in the space of twenty four hours. It is absolutely crazy how quickly everything can change, yesterday morning I was curled up in bed watching as Emily and her perfect arse left and now here I was looking up at something so angry that the universe had decided to thrust upon me.

It was safe to say I was feeling very sorry for myself, and missing Emily. Every part of my now shivering body craved for her warmth, for her smell, just to fucking feel her move next to me as we slept. It's frustrating, whenever everything has gone tits up in your relationship you still end up longing after the person that is causing you so much heartache. Humans are in essence self destructive, we get something good and then subconsciously do everything we can to fuck it up, and it sucks.

Another night on the sofa loomed ever closer and I decided that I may as well just get the whole awkward walking back into the apartment thing over and done with. Besides I was freezing my tits off and I didn't want to miss my first day at work tomorrow because I was sick. Starting work would probably help the situation anyway; I wouldn't just be sat at home thinking about just how much I missed my girlfriend. If I still had a girlfriend.

Hauling myself off of the now soaking ground I attempted to regain some movement in my legs, which had turned to jelly as soon as I put any of my weight on them. Maybe lying on the ground in the pouring rain for over an hour wasn't the best of ideas, I was begging to ache all over and even the memory of the lumpy sofa seemed comfortably appealing.

It didn't take long for me to be stood in the almost warmth, just outside the door of our apartment, I was hit with a million questions. Katie's car wasn't here so I assumed that she had managed to drag her sister out of the bathroom, but I knew that as soon as I opened this door I would be faced with Effy, Mel and of course Emily. I swallowed hard in a vague attempt to stop my heart from beating so loudly, I was just staring at the door, trying to think if there was any way I could do this that wouldn't cause anyone more heart ache. Probably not, but in a moment of pure wisdom I decided that quickly was the best way to do it. Like when you rip off a fucking plaster, that has violently attached itself to your skin; the quicker you do it the less it hurts. I hoped this situation held the same truth.

My hand quivered as I turned my key in the lock, I don't know why I was trying to be so quiet as it was early evening...maybe six o'clock; so the chances of everyone being asleep or at least in bed were slim to none. _Fuck it, sooner rather than later!_ I bundled my way in, shut the door behind me and threw my keys onto the breakfast bar. I heard someone gasp, shocked not angry or pissed off...shocked.

"What happened to you?" Mel got up off of Effy's lap and stalked over towards me, I tried to shy away but she pulled me quite violently round towards her. Her slightly scared eyes took in the complete state I was in and she softened as she pushed my soaking hair out of my face.

"Fell asleep...in the rain..." My voice was strained, I couldn't look her in the eye, I was physically shaking.

"No offense babe, but you look awful...go take a warm shower. We'll talk when you don't look like a shit heap!" I noticed Mel smile out of the corner of my eye before felt her hands forcefully on my back as she pushed me towards the bathroom, I assumed Emily must have come out...otherwise this was a really shit attempt at getting us to talk. I paused, Mel guessed...

"Emily is in bed, which is where you should be, you look terrible, your shaking and you have fucking work tomorrow." Mel's words drifted around me, I knew she was right, she always was...I just couldn't seem to function properly.

She pretty much manhandled me into the shower, making sure the water wasn't too warm and my still freezing skin didn't burn, she was playing mother and I loved her for it. Effy hadn't moved when I walked in, just almost glared at me, she wasn't big on showing any emotion whatsoever but I think she had looked a little angry. I allowed myself to cry in the warm flowing water, silently, I huddled myself up into a ball on the floor, waiting until everything once again turned cold. It didn't, Mel wrapped me up in a towel and smiled a slight smile at me.

"Come on Naoms, you need to sort this..." She nodded at me, I knew I was going to have to face Emily sooner rather than later, I was just sort of hoping that it would be later.

"...Anyway, all of your clothes are in there and I'll be buggered if you think you are borrowing any of mine." Mel laughed and I managed a smile, she hugged me tightly before nodding me into the direction of the bedroom, as if I had forgotten where it was and I punched her playfully in the arm before taking a deep breath.

Opening the door to our bedroom, everything was dark, I found myself wishing that the streetlight outside was working, casting that orange glow into the window, just so I could see her. The way she always smiled when she was asleep, the muscles in her arms twitching in her dreams, her eyelids fluttering...her breathing. I fought back the tears I thought I had already cried, making my way so very carefully over to the wardrobe I pulled out some clothes to sleep in and something to get changed into in the morning. I didn't like sleeping in clothes, for the past year and a bit Emily had been my pyjamas, but I was sleeping in the living room now, I needed to maintain some of my modesty. That wasn't true, I didn't want to be reminded that Emily's warmth wasn't next to mine, I didn't want to remember that I was alone.

Tripping over only a few things and stifling a scream as I whacked my toe against the chair I thought I had been unnaturally quiet. I could still hear Emily's every breath and I perched myself carefully on the edge of the bed, once again thinking about everything, I still didn't have an answer, I'd never been asked to make a life changing decision before, they had all been kind of made for me. And this wasn't just any life changing decision, this was marriage and kids, it was all so grown up and mature...and I was fucking scared.

I felt Emily wriggle underneath the sheet behind me; I closed my eyes for a brief moment before standing up slowly and gathering my clothes. A hand reached out and grabbed my arm, I gasped and found myself being pulled back towards the bed, Emily's fingers burning my skin and the hairs on the back of my neck standing rigidly. I stumbled to keep my balance as the back of my knees crashed against the edge of the mattress, my stomach doing flip flops at the onslaught of her touch. Hands brushing against my flushing skin, pulling me downwards, legs folding over my own, pinning me beneath her as her hands cupped my face and her lips plummeted against mine. Biting slightly, tongues linking furiously, everything was whirring around me, her touch, her kiss, her quickened breathing, it was all rushed. I was drawn into her, every part of me giving in, kissing her in return, and gasping as her hands busied themselves below my clothes. My heart filled with pain, lust, longing and memories of how amazing this felt. Her mouth caressed my neck, biting, sucking and she was fighting me out of my hoodie, craving her against my skin...I let her.

I turned over until I was on top, slowing everything down, holding her lips in my own for as long as I dared, passionately instead of lustful. Leaving my mark across her skin, pulling her out of the camisole top and flicking my mouth and tongue across every inch of her. Trailing my fingertips over her, swirling around her perfect stomach as my eyes began to adjust to the lack of light. She was crying, I hadn't noticed that she was fucking crying. I pushed myself off of her and just took laced our fingers together, calming my breathing and trying so hard to let the silence explain everything. Her eyes stared into mine and I blinked away, hoping that the realisation of the whole situation wouldn't hit me, hoping that I wouldn't say what was on my mind. Sometimes, hope...is just that, a wish of something happening or not happening, it only shapes reality and hardly ever does hope _become _reality.

"This isn't right...is it?" My voice was tired, every part of me was strained against the thought of Emily.

"Where did you go? I was worried..." Her hand lifted my chin so I was forced to look into her beautiful but hurting eyes.

"The swing, I just...had to think you know, it's shit...like really fucking shit. I love you so much but I still don't have an answer. I shouldn't have blown up at you like that and I am sorry, but I can't do this." My eyes filled with tears and Emily brushed her thumb against my cheek to stop them falling, my heart hurt. She opened her mouth in what I assumed was an attempt to deny what I was saying was actually true...I didn't let her speak, I knew she would manage to persuade me that everything was fine, which it wasn't.

"No...Emily, please don't. I am hurting so much right now, I think...I think we need a break. We'll still be _together_ but not. I'll move out for a bit, we can see each other every so often between stuff with work and..." I paused, looking at her for some sort of reaction but she just looked as broken as I was.

"...maybe the time apart will make us both realise how much we really do want to be together." Nothing more was said, we just cried, Emily holding me and my arms wrapped tightly around her. I had never thought in a million years that I would be telling Emily that I thought we needed some space, but if lead to the rest of our lives together then it was something that I felt was completely worth it.

I'm not sure how long we had been led in each other's arms, long enough for the tears to stop and long enough for Emily's breathing to slow as she fell asleep. She was intoxicating, the way she smelt and the way she fitted perfectly in my arms but I had to pull myself away, I couldn't allow myself to wake up next to her; pretending that nothing was wrong. It would just make my sudden decision of time apart so much worse and it was already hard enough.

*

A week apart from Emily felt like a fucking lifetime, no cuddles, no hidden kisses...nothing and making everything so much worse was the fact that the only place I had to move into was; Katie's. Apparently Mel had asked her if I could move in for a bit, I think I would have preferred to stay in the cardboard box next to the bins in the park. It was difficult enough spending time apart from the love of my life without being greeted every morning with a friendly 'morning lezzer!' This was all so shit. Katie technically lived alone, except for the few nights a week when Scott came home with her. Scott was Katie's boyfriend; they had been dating for just over a year after meeting on a random pub crawl. Scott the Scotsman – I am no way the only one who finds that a tiny bit funny.

Effy and Mel had moved out of the apartment and into one of their own, something about wanting to stay around for a while but needing to give Emily some space. I'm not sure whether it was their idea or hers but I felt bad for Emily hafting to be completely alone; I knew just how shit that was.

Work had started well, my first proper article had been a success, provoking a few letters about my new take on the political spectrum. The boss was pleased and that was all that matters. It had been a good distraction from the shit situation that was my love life, allowing me a break away from everything.

"Come on Naomi...shit, we've got to meet Mel in town...you are her best man!" Katie shouted through my door, as I was falling over my own feet attempting to get dressed as quickly as was physically possible. Wedding shopping, nothing in the world could possibly make me feel better, except maybe a red hot poker to the face, or a wild bear savagely breaking every one of my limbs simultaneously. Ok, so lots of things would make me feel better than wedding shopping, but Katie was right, I was Mel's 'best man' so I had to be there.

Katie knew the wedding industry better than anyone, after all... 'Let's get Fitched!' She ran her own wedding planning business, Jenna had helped her start it but now took a back seat, thank god...we still didn't really see eye to eye. Traipsing round shop to shop, looking at dress after dress and shirt suit after shirt suit; I felt slightly ill. Effy and Mel were in their own little loved up bubble; Katie and I were glancing sideways at each other trying to fathom the exact point of attempting to discuss details if they were just sat in the corner of the shop giggling. It was infuriating, but I guess the togetherness of the whole situation just made me miss Emily even more; I wasn't even sure that was possible.

"Can you two stop being so damn together for one fucking minute while we try to sort out your invitations? Please!" I quickly added the commodity of manners just so Effy and Mel didn't sense just how pissed off I was, I think I failed as I was shot a couple of daggers in the form of Mel's eyes. But she did manage to pull herself away from Effy for a few moments to look over some of the designs that Katie and her 'crew' had come up with.

"You really need to get your shit sorted..." Effy moved her feet, in what I assumed was an indication for me to sit my scrawny arse down. I didn't say anything, just folded my hands together on my knees and looked up at her, waiting for whatever it was she wanted to say.

"Look, I never for one second thought I'd ever be as happy as I am...that's why I proposed, it took time, I think I went fucking crazy over the thought of it." Hearing Effy's confession of undying love for Mel wasn't making me feel better, neither was the idea of going crazy over the decisions that Emily and I had to make.

"But look..." Effy pointed over to Mel who was pretending to listen to what Katie was blabbing on about but smiling over at the two of us.

"You see how fucking happy she is? I think it's worth me giving up my freedom, yea?" Effy didn't wait for me to answer her question; she left the chair and walked up to Mel, kissing her carefully and wrapping her arms around her fiancé. I just watched, thinking whether it had actually been a question or a statement, letting me know what I already fucking knew. Effy had put Mel's feelings first when she had proposed, I guess the only thing left for me to think about was whether I could do the same.

"I'm going to go for a walk...see you later Katie ok?" She smiled and nodded before she continued going on about colour schemes, I'm not sure she noticed that no one was paying much attention.

It was a cold afternoon, the grey clouds meant that the sun failed to shine at all and the wind was ripping through the streets making it seem nearly freezing. I shivered as I made my way to nowhere in particular; I was just following my feet and seeing where I would end up. It took me far too long to realise that I was only two streets away from mine and Emily's apartment, couldn't do any harm to go and have a little peek, could it?

I looked up to the third floor balcony, the red hair blowing in the breeze giving away Emily's exact position. I made sure I was completely out of her line of sight, besides I didn't think she would be on the lookout for me, she was probably just having a fag. That's what I thought, until the door behind her opened and an unfamiliar brunette stepped out. My heart jumped up, it was completely innocent, I kept telling myself, as I opened the door, it was completely innocent, I kept telling myself, as I climbed the stairs, it was completely innocent, I kept telling myself as I found my key and put it in the lock. It was completely fucking innocent, I didn't believe myself as I walked in and saw Emily laughing, her hand on the brunettes waist, glass of wine on the table and a few other rather jolly looking people milling around. One of them was Emily's boss, cunt, he was sat on the sofa eying up my fucking girlfriend and her new _acquaintance._

"What the fuck Emily?" Everyone's eyes shot to my attention, I looked like I hadn't showered in days, groggy as usual when I didn't have to go to work. I regretted not taking those few extra fleeting seconds to get ready this morning, but I couldn't change anything now.

"Having fun..?" Emily's eyes were full of remorse, I found myself thinking that if she hadn't done anything wrong surely she shouldn't look so fucking distraught. I couldn't face it, I hadn't seen her in a whole week, I thought my heart was going to be full of love and adoration when I saw her next...but instead...I just couldn't feel a thing except pain so I just stood there, I wasn't expecting an answer, I don't think I wanted an answer.

_Just fucking great, now what? _

**I know, I know...but what is life without a little angst? Don't you trust me? :D**

**Let me know what you think...REVIEW PLEASE!! Once again thank you all so much for reading, makes me feel loved! :D**


	4. Chapter 4

**So yea, after the annoying crap that was the last chapter I got myself on a little bit of a roll again...I just wanted to get to a kind of better place, I never like leaving my stories in terrible places. Even if it does fit! **

**Still not sure about this chapter – but I couldn't stop writing it so that has to count for something huh!?**

**Hope you all like it! Enjoy...**

This was possibly one of the most awkward moments of my life, watching my (well I wasn't sure what Emily was anymore but let's stick with girlfriend.) girlfriend squirm under my gaze and all of her work friends just stare at the tramp-like woman that had just burst in on them having a wonderful little fucking party. The air was thick with tension and it was taking all of my will power not to walk over to the brunette bitch stood opposite Emily and punch her face in. How dare she make my girlfriend laugh and touch her and look so happy and...My mind rushed forwards until I was eventually left with the thought of resounding jealousy, it should be me making her do those things. _Genius fucking idea a break was...you just made her find someone else who does make her feel happy._

I walked away, leaving the door open and everyone just watching me leave; if I hadn't left I would have probably made a complete twat of myself, which wouldn't have made anything any better. Besides part of me was hoping that Emily would follow me, she didn't...and I was left once again walking through the evening air, by myself. Katie's apartment wasn't too far away but I decided that I would take the long way. Giving me more time to think, meaning that I was still breathless as I knocked on the door, she hadn't trusted me with a key, not sure why...probably something to do with the gay orgies I was obviously planning. I waited patiently until the door in front of me was opened and I was promptly slapped across the face.

"Katie...what the fuck?" She was scowling at me and my face stung and was probably turning red, Emily had obviously phoned ahead.

"Emily been in touch I take it?" I barged past Katie, who thankfully didn't put up much of a fight and threw myself down on the sofa. It took her a while to follow me in and even when she did it took her even longer to actually speak.

"Yea, said you ruined her fucking chances of promotion by yelling shit at her colleagues..." Katie wasn't as forceful as usual, forgetting the whole slap thing; this was her just talking at me instead of screaming. It was surreal and I'm not sure whether I liked it or not, part of me wanted her to just punch the shit out of me and call me a twat.

"Didn't tell you that she had her arms round someone else then." I stared at my feet, twitching my toes to give my mind something to concentrate on so I didn't remember _her. _Katie hadn't snapped back with something sarcastic so I guessed that Emily really hadn't said anything about the bitch that was trying to steal her away.

"What...no, when...shit." Katie stuttered, I had never heard Katie even remotely not know what to say, I just looked up at her with empty eyes. She looked baffled, stunned and any other type of confused all rolled into one.

"Emily wouldn't...she fucking; loves you." She tried again, this time with a more reassuring thought; even though I wasn't sure I still believed what she was saying.

"Yea, well why the fuck was she all over someone else?" I knew I sounded bitter, none of this was even remotely Katie's fault but it was nice to rant, knowing that I couldn't possibly make her hate me any more than she had in the past. She walked over to me...and...Hugged me, like properly hugged me. She didn't seem scared of catching 'gay' she just genuinely seemed to want to comfort me. I reciprocated and placed my arms carefully around her back, slightly scared that she would pull away. She felt annoyingly similar to Emily, but completely different in all of the important ways. The smell, the way Emily's hands would play with the back of my hair and the way Emily would breathe against my skin which would make me tingle all over. _Why has everything gone tits up?_

"She fucking loves you..." Katie tried again, but her words were empty, I knew that we loved each other, like completely stupidly never ending loved each other, but I'm not sure whether she was _in love_ with me anymore. I was probably being a complete prick, after all I hadn't actually seen anything going on, but it was just the look in Emily's eyes, I remembered the look from back when she was with Mel and we were fooling around behind everyone's back. It was the look that made my heart flutter when it was directed at me but this time made my heart sink because it was given to someone else.

"Katie...I know she loves me, I'm just not convinced that she is in love with me, you didn't see the way she looked at that...girl." I let go of her and curled myself into my knees, rocking slightly against the realisation that everything might be coming to an end. Everything hurt.

"Speak to her about it?" I hated Katie at that moment; she made it all seem so easy, like talking to Emily was going to be a piece of cake...if only.

"It's not that easy, every time I am near her I freeze, I can't tell her how I feel because in my head it sounds like I don't want to be with her because I can't fucking make any decisions. I miss being with her so much and it's only been a week, the thought of losing her scares the shit out of me." Tears were in my eyes and Katie's face was flashed with worry, she had never seen me so broken, I don't think she realised the ferocity of the whole situation...so she didn't say anything else. She ran out of words and just sat there watching me struggle with the voice resonating inside my head, telling me that nothing was worth this much heartache. But that was a complete lie, Emily was and always would be worth this much pain.

It didn't take long for Katie to make some coffee, hand me a mug and disappear out into the night, to see Scott I assumed. Alone with my thoughts once again, darkness rolled in as I couldn't be arsed to get up and put on the light, so I just sat there covered in the gloom I was feeling.

_Right, ok...fuck...you still love Emily, what do you want to do? Let her go? Remember how hard that was last time. Effy was right, you need to think if you love her enough to do something that you never thought you would do. Marriage? Kids? What the fuck do you want? Or is the problem now the fact that you let her go and she gave that look to someone else. Maybe the problem is now the fact that you have spent so long not trusting yourself that now...you don't trust her. You need to realise that not doing anything about it is worse than anything, you need to fucking talk to her! So it won't be easy, but she is worth every single tear...ok?_

Epiphany – a define manifestation and realisation of a certain situation, basically when everything fucking clicks and you get off your arse and realise what the hell you have to do, no matter how hard it was going to be. I tried phoning; I wanted to make sure that we had somewhere isolated to meet, away from the apartment and away from everywhere that held memories for us. It needed to be new but we had been living here for quite a while so I figured it should be somewhere mutually accepted. That was all I was thinking so I wasn't really prepared for the hurt voice on the other end of the phone.

"Hello..." I was taken aback by just how broken Emily sounded, she had always been so resilient, so strong and here she was sounding almost empty. I thought momentarily about what I was actually going to say, deciding it would be better if we didn't have much of a conversation over the phone, things were always better when they were done face to face.

"I'll be at the bench by the park in forty minutes if you fancy just talking...no screaming, no crying, just to talk...please be there." I hung up, hoping beyond all hope that we would be able to sort something out. I knew Emily well enough to know that she was probably just frustrated in hafting to wait for me to make up my mind yet again. She had waited for me to be brave and admit that I wanted her, she had waited for me to end everything else and just be with her and now she was waiting to see if I wanted to spend the rest of my life with her in holy fucking matrimony. I found that in that moment I hated myself for putting her through all of this and found myself wondering the ultimate question. Would she really be better off without me and all of my shortcomings?

Hopping in the shower and throwing on some fresh clothes, straightening my hair was the last thing I did before bolting out of the door, I knew how Emily liked to be early, if she was actually going to show up at all. I wasn't one hundred percent sure if she was actually going to turn up, but relationships are full of uncertainty.

The night wasn't as cold as I thought it was going to be considering the freezing wind that was blowing around earlier. The moon was full and illuminating everything silver, the breeze had died down and there were few clouds hiding the stars. It was a beautiful night, reminding me of when we had spent most of our time chasing the night throughout college, Emily and me; hand in hand against everything. My stomach hurt as I walked in the memory of just how much I loved her, and just how much I had once again fucked everything up.

The bench was empty, not sure whether that was a good or bad thing, but I sat...and I waited, crossing my fingers against my jeans that the moon would shine upon the gorgeous red head that I wanted to see more than anything.

An hour passed and nothing. I debated leaving, just walking away, but I couldn't bring myself to do it...I was going to wait on the bench indefinitely, until sunrise if I needed to. I just wanted to be sure that she wasn't coming, wanted to be sure that I had what I wanted all of last week...loneliness.

"You waited..." Emily's voice came from behind me, I got up and turned around, she looked as weak as she had sounded on the phone, it looked like she had spent the last three hours crying. She sounded so unsure, I just wanted to wrap her up and give her all of her strength back.

"Of course...I have nowhere else to be...I would have waited until sun-up." I attempted a smile, but was met with nothing as Emily snapped her attention back to her shoes and running her fingers across the top of the bench.

"I'm sorry..." The lump in the back of my throat was back as she started crying her apology, I took a deep breath and closed the gap between us. So I was supposed to be pissed at her right now, angry about the whole brunette cow, but I wasn't a heartless bitch...I still couldn't stand to see her cry. I brushed my fingers over her cheeks, attempting to stop the tears from falling and in doing so, making me feel so fucking terrible.

"Do you want to see other people?" It was the questions that I hadn't wanted to ask, I didn't want her to say 'yes,' I didn't want to imagine her with anyone else but that was completely selfish of me. I just looked into her eyes, completely wrecked and in so much pain I felt like my heart was going to break into a million pieces, but I waited patiently for her to answer, without letting go of her hands that I had intertwined within my own after leaving her face.

"No...I really fucking don't, it just hurts so much...nothing happened Naoms, nothing..." She squeezed my hands and looked up at me with an attempt of a smile on her face, I reciprocated and we stayed silent for a few brief stolen moments.

"Do you want to marry me?" I'm not sure where the question had come from, maybe what Effy had said, maybe the fact that after everything that had happened in the past week I still was madly in love with Emily and couldn't bear to see her like this, even if she had flirted with someone else. Maybe because I finally knew that really, I did want to spend the rest of my life with her and make her happy...if that meant marriage, then we were going to get fucking married. I screamed at myself for the fact that it had taken me this long to realise the answers to everything before I dared to look up from her abdomen and found her eyes glancing at me solemnly.

"Yes...I really do, but..." _But..? There shouldn't be a 'but' here._ My mind raced around me, from the trying to read the look on Emily's face to trying to figure out what the fuck was going on. She cupped my cheeks and kissed me longingly and I let her deepen it as I gave her tongue permission to breach my lips. It lasted for a few seconds, leaving us both slightly breathless and with a crooked smile across our faces, it was obvious to anyone that we were still madly in love with each other. I almost forgot that Emily needed to finish her sentence, so I urged her to do so by lifting her chin and running my thumbs over her hands.

"...But, that isn't going to solve anything, I love the fact that you asked me, even if it was provoked! But I don't want a proposal like this, I want you to mean it...and I think that even if you never can mean it, I'll be ok, as long as I am just...with you. I think we need to start fresh, like, properly." Emily's words were so rushed almost like she wasn't going to be able to get them out if she stopped talking, I just stood there completely dumb founded, watching as Emily's face cracked into a beaming smile, she always had loved it when I was confused...which was more often than not.

"What?" I attempted clarification, which Emily found adorable and kissed the top of my hands before looking up into my eyes again.

"You will understand, just next time you see me...don't talk to me ok?" She was asking me not to talk to her? What was I supposed to do, pretend I didn't even know...It hit me, she meant from the _beginning_, like first time meetings and such shit. I shook my head and she kissed me again.

"Just...trust...me...it...will...be...fun." She spoke between crashing her lips into mine, I'm not sure I liked where this was going. I hadn't come here to try and get her back; I hadn't come here to find out what had happened with that other girl and I _certainly _hadn't come here to start it all again. But Emily's smile was worth anything, even if my most common emotion had reared its ugly head once again. _Fuck I was confused. _

**So I'm not sure whether this last little bit happened too soon, let me know what you all think! I could use some reviews and constructive criticism...or some yelling at!! :D To give me some ideas!! **

**Love you all for reading as always...might have a bit of a wait until the next chapter though! SORRY!!! :D **


	5. Chapter 5

**So, figured it was time for a little end of series four party, well as much as we can party in light of the horrendous cliff-hanger the writers decided to leave us...but at least Naomi and Emily 'died happy!'**

**This is unfortunately going to be the last chapter for a few days, won't go too far into why but I will be spending most of my time in the hospital over the next week...nothing wrong with me don't panic! And even if there was you can bet your arse I would still be writing...but, yea...sorry but you will have to wait a while for the next update! :D**

I had heard nothing from Emily in five days, I was checking my phone every three seconds, I kept imagining that it had vibrated in the office but it hadn't. I guess she had actually meant a fresh start, but I wanted it to be here already...we weren't fighting, we had parted on amicable terms...well she had kissed the hell out of me, told me not to contact her and walked away smiling and I had been left confused and really turned on.

I was trying to be strong and just leave her to whatever it was she was planning, I had typed out several e-mails, texts and debated phoning her around one hundred times...a minute. Every time I had managed to persuade myself that even though it was killing me being away from her, it was something that I just had to trust her on and something that hopefully would soon be over, leaving us in a better place. Even if for the moment, everything was temporarily shit.

Friday afternoon rolled in and I felt like I was back in the confines of school. Not just because I was waiting for the clock to read half past four so I could bugger off to Katie's; but also because tonight was Effy and Mel's engagement party...and Emily would be there, so I was almost giddy with excitement. I would have been doing something more productive than just sitting here but I was firmly locked inside my own brain, thinking about what tonight would bring.

I had gone from struggling relationship to fucked up relationship to no relationship to something similar to a hormonal teenager hounding the girl of her dreams in the span of two weeks. Life was...strange to say the least. I hadn't been able to do any work at all, I was just sat staring at the blank screen in front of me wishing that my fingers would just dance over the keyboard and write something wonderful. If only it was that easy. Thankfully however I had already written this week's article about just how much of a tool Gordon Brown is. I'd enjoyed that piece; but it meant that I was left with nothing to do today except research. I hated research so instead I found myself procrastinating in the worst possible way by just staring at the clock...which in turn made everything just go so much slower.

"Miss Campbell...can I see you in my office please?" I was interrupted from my momentary daydream by my boss; chauvinistic pig and all around ball bag, but he was vaguely nice to me, and my tits, so I bit my tongue. After all I didn't want to get myself sacked just yet so I did exactly what he asked and made my way elegantly, well as elegantly as possible in heels; to his office. I generally didn't like or condone wearing heels, it was after all another invention made specifically to make women's muscles tighten to make their arses look better and as such something that I naturally despised. But after seeing how amazing Emily, and her arse, had looked I figured I would give it a shot. I smiled to myself for a few seconds after only almost falling over twice before I cleared my throat and knocked on his door.

"Come in..." Now I really did feel like I was back at school waiting outside the headmaster's office but there was only one very significant difference. When you were called to see the headmaster you could usually gage by the tone of his voice just how much trouble you were in. But here I couldn't read anything in his voice so I was going in blind and utterly unprepared. _Fucking great._

He stood as I entered the room which reminded me just how much I hated over-gentlemanly gestures. Doing my best to ignore it, which involved biting at the inside of my lip so the inner feminist didn't escape; I took the seat that he had nodded at...tosser. I crossed my legs as I sat to make absolutely sure that he had no chance of sneaking a peak at the lace covering my modesty beneath my skirt. I folded my arms carefully and urged him to just get on with whatever he wanted by glaring...almost too angrily. Thankfully he didn't notice and fiddled with some papers before taking off his glasses and fixing his eye firmly on my tits. I coughed slightly in an attempt to regain his attention; my silent way of saying 'Oi, yes those are my boobs, but my face is actually up here you fucking toad!' It worked and he snapped his eyes up to mine and took a breath indicating he was about to speak so I just sat there in silence.

"You are doing a fantastic job in the political section and I know you have only been here a few weeks but I think your skills would be better suited on something more...mainstream." That was a polite way of saying more interesting, political views wasn't really everyone's cup of tea but I liked it; well liked talking about how shit it all was. He watched me in my thoughts, his bug eyes wandering all over every inch of my body until I felt physically sick to the stomach.

"Mainstream...How so?" Elongating the conversation was the last thing I wanted to do. I was comfortable in satire and if I was going to attempt anything else I wanted to know what I would be doing, I certainly wasn't leaving anything to chance.

"You can write about anything you want to, as long as it is interesting enough for our readers...I trust your choices completely Naomi...just write whatever you feel." I think that was the longest he had gone without his eyes leaving the contours of my face to gaze elsewhere. He was going to let me write whatever I wanted; surely there was some kind of catch.

"That's it...I can just write whatever?" I was looking a gift horse in the mouth, but I needed to be absolutely sure he wasn't having me on.

"Of course, as long as it is of common interest and well written it will be published. Now feel free to leave and have a first draft on the editor's desk, Tuesday morning." He smiled at me before phoning through to reception, issuing the proclamation that this conversation was indeed over. I raised my eyebrows slightly before taking the gift of freedom and running like the fucking wind, I certainly wasn't going to hang around.

Katie wasn't home so I grabbed the spare key from underneath the cactus in the back garden, still don't know why I wasn't allowed my own, but it was Katie's apartment and I was lucky enough that she was still letting me stay here. Engagement party in three hours and counting, I did not have enough time to make myself look utterly ravishing, just mildly attractive which would have to do...it should still be enough to make Emily's eyes pop out of her skull when she sees me. I rummaged around in the masses of bags, containing my masses of crap that lay strewn across the lounge; quickly finding the dress I had bought for this particular event. Black, short, cut in and silk...thank God for my first pay check, without it I'm pretty sure I would have been dressed in a bin bag. I jumped in the shower before Katie came home, didn't want to be wandering around sparkers while she rolled her eyes and made comments about however much I tried, she wasn't getting naked with me.

It didn't really take me that long to get clean and smelling nice, but now came the tricky part...hair and makeup...I had absolutely no fucking clue. I decided to just blow dry my hair, put on some old clothes and wait for Katie. As much as I hated to admit it, if anyone could make me look smoking hot, it was probably her. I cringed at the thought of actually waiting for Katie's help, remembering the good old days when she would rather punch me square in the nose than make pleasantries...but the new Katie was actually quite nice. I heard the front door open and almost leapt off of the sofa, words pouring out of me as I rushed to meet her.

"Katie, I need you...like need you to make me fucking gorgeous...I've got this dress, but hair and makeup I have no idea about! I need to make Emily fall madly in love with me...again...can you help?" Verbal diarrhoea, always a problem when I was nervous and Katie just stood there trying desperately not to laugh at my vulnerable cuteness before dragging me into her bedroom. She made me parade around in the dress so she could 'get a good feel for it' before she would do anything. I was so embarrassed I thought I was going to self implode, but as she started fluffing my hair up, crimping it slightly with curling tongues, and applying almost far too much eyeliner, even I had to admit that I looked alright. The girl was a fucking genius, even if I did used to hate her.

"Jesus, fucking, Christ..." I was completely shocked when she had finished, I looked almost brand new, it was slightly disconcerting but in a really good way.

"Say no more, fuck off now would you, I need to get ready and I don't need you eyeballing my goodies and what not." She smiled at me briefly before pushing me out of the door, I heard her bustling around for the next half hour or so before she revealed herself. Bright red skirt, white blouse that showed off her tits, I mean accentuated her assets perfectly; she looked like the Katie of old, only slightly more mature.

"Don't get any ideas; you are so not getting any of this tonight!" We collapsed in laughter for a bit until we heard the taxi beeping at us from outside, no time like the present for getting on with the rest of your life. The nerves of the whole situation must have crossed my face as Katie raised her eyebrows almost supportively before taking my hand and dragging me into the night.

It took just over ten minutes to get to the club, nearly half past eight and the queue was already massive. Thankfully we had a private booking so we could just make our way in; Katie was already flirting with the bouncer just in case he didn't see it that way...sometimes she was brilliant. As we made our way to the reserved booth I noticed that Emily wasn't unnaturally early as usual, probably planning on making a grand entrance, I don't think my libido could take it. Mel dragged me to the bar for a round that was apparently 'on me,' a few pints and a couple of shots wasn't much to go on, so I splashed the boat out and ordered a pitcher of cocktails as well. _Champagne is so overrated! _

As I returned to the table I was greeted with cheers and we all downed our drinks as quickly as possible to make room for more. I'd just finished my second pint when my chin hit the floor as Emily walked in. She was gorgeous, my mouth went dry, my hands started sweating slightly and my eyes must have nearly popped right out of my head. _Start at the bottom and work your way up._

Black high heeled boots, fishnet tights, VERY short white skirt that showed the perfect curve of her hips, green almost camisole top pulled in just underneath her chest with a black belt which made her tits look amazing and it was so low cut I could see the beginnings of lace. Topping everything off was her usual red hair, slight quiff in the fringe but it was curled and looking so very soft I would have quite happily slept and dreamt in it. As my eyes finally reached her face, _might have lingered on the cleavage a tad too long...she was hot...so sue me,_ her eyebrow was raised and her mouth was crooked into half a smile as she regarded with pride the absolutely overwhelmed expression on my face. Everyone else on the table was thankfully too busy chatting to notice her arrival, so she sat down nonchalantly and poured herself some cocktails out of the pitcher before laughing around with Mel...she kept her eyes on mine completely.

I decided that I needed to make my move before I completely turned to mush; it was her that was supposed to be regretting her decision to start fresh, not me wanting to jump her in the probably far too grubby bathroom. I got up, checked that my legs hadn't completely turned to jelly and indicated to everyone that I was going to the bar. Walking away, putting an extra ounce of swing in my hips, I dared to look around at Emily's face, mouth open, eyes firmly on my arse...success! I stifled a smile and perched on a bar stool, ignoring the stares of all the men that had suddenly snapped in my direction and waited to be served.

I felt her move beside me, I knew it was Emily before I even turned to face her, the way she was leant on the bar made her hips twist perfectly and the way her back arched made me feel slightly faint. I came to the conclusion that she was far too good at this whole thing and tried so hard not to give her any attention. Fortunately the barman was ready for me to order, so I tucked my hair behind my ear and got another two pitchers of sex on the beach...without the sand. As he made them up my peripherals caught Emily smiling and I found a new wave of confidence.

"Something funny?" My voice crackled only slightly which I thought was an achievement and a half, but Emily just lifted herself up off of her elbows and attempted to look confused.

"Sorry..." My whole body tensed at how fucking sexy she could make her voice when she wanted to, it was a strain to keep my hands to myself.

"Nothing you were just smiling at me, that's all..." Whenever I tried to make my voice sound sexy I just ended up sounding like I should be in the Muppets, or some other kid's thing. She glanced her attention forwards briefly, probably thinking of some other way to torture me, a strip tease perhaps..._I hoped._

"Yea, I like your dress..." A secret thought flashed through her eyes, probably something like 'but it would look better on my bedroom floor!' I tried not to notice and I tried even harder not to react to it, everything was so damn hard today.

"Oh really, I was just admiring your...boots." I really was no good at this flirting thing, I didn't even try to flash some dirty thought across my mind, it would have probably looked like I was having a fit or something.

"Not my skirt? It's new you know..." Please, I wasn't falling for that trick, nothing on this earth was going to make me look at the way the material clings to her perfect..._SHIT! _

"I said my skirt, not my arse...I don't appreciate the _female _attention, you know?" I laughed inside, she really was playing it this way, I really didn't think for a million years that she would take it this way, but I wasn't one to back down from a challenge, just run away when things got heated.

"Oh, sorry, gaydar must be fucked..." We were interrupted from our conversation as the barman handed me the pitchers and a few straws, I put them down on the counter so I could continue to talk for a bit, before everyone else got too suspicious. Emily ordered and the returned her focus to me, our eyes meeting for a very long few seconds before I broke the stare and looked over to the booth. I was going to get the last word in on this brief encounter...

"Sorry again, but if it's any consolation...I draw the line at looking and I am in no way imagining you naked, breathing heavily and screaming in pleasure." I tilted my head slightly to one side, traced my finger lightly down the seam of Emily's skirt, smiled as sweetly as was possible and left her to it.

**Big thank you to everyone reading, please continue to review...it really does make my heart fill up with joy when I hear how much you are all enjoying this!!**

**Love you all as always! :D**


	6. Chapter 6

**I found some time here and there to write a little something; hopefully it isn't too terrible and rushed! :P Enjoy it!**

I managed to fidget myself awake which was a big mistake considering how light the front room was, sunlight flooding in made me feel terrible even without actually opening my eyes. I led there momentarily, letting the red haze descend upon my vision, hangovers were very rarely fun, but this one hurt like a bitch. My brain was pounding inside my head so loudly I felt like my ears were going to explode, everything seemed to ache and to top everything off the room was still spinning through closed eyes. The only vague consolation prize was the fact that I didn't feel ill, just slightly nauseous as I remembered the good old days when I could go out drinking and not wake up with a mouth like a sandpit and a head that felt like construction work was going on behind my eyes.

I needed to rehydrate, but that involved opening my eyes and making my way precariously to the sink, something I was not looking forward too...I hadn't been at Katie's long enough to have the confidence to do it without looking, I would probably manage to fall over at least four times, which would just make everything hurt so much more. I started a mini countdown in my head before squinting open my eyes. I wasn't at Katie's.

I was back in mine and Emily's apartment and I was drawing a complete blank about what exactly had happened last night. I couldn't remember a fucking thing past dancing with Mel and Emily, although it was a nice memory to be left with, I was still slightly scared as to what I had done. Glancing around me carefully, I was still on the sofa and I was still fully clothed, debating with myself whether that was a good or a bad thing I gradually sat up and rubbed at my makeup clad eyes. I was desperately reaching for any memory that would help fill in the gaps that made up my evening, but all my mind kept returning to was how fucking gorgeous Emily had looked. _Shit...Emily? _

Getting up carefully and nearly falling over the shoes that I must have left at the side of the sofa when I collapsed, I tiptoed as quietly as possible until I was mere inches away from our bedroom door. My breath echoed off of the wood and I strained my ears to hear anything, any microscopic sound that would give away Emily's whereabouts but all I could hear was a resounding silence.

"She's asleep, fucking stalker..." Effy emerged from the spare bedroom, answering the unspoken question of why in fact I was on the sofa when there was a perfectly good guest bed.

"Oh...right, yea...of course...fucking want to scare me more?" Effy just smiled and wandered out onto the balcony for her morning smoke, I quickly made us both some coffee before joining her. My feeble brain cells deciding that the fresh air would do some good but I just ended up scowling as the sun hit my vision directly sending my head into some sort of weird spasm that ended up with me tumbling for a chair. As I regained some sort of focus I managed to notice just how perfect Effy always managed to look in the mornings, it was weird, even through all of the drug and alcohol abuse through college and Uni she had always managed to look pristine with a hangover. It was one of her many talents...each one making her exactly who she was.

"So...um, how much can you remember?" I knew Effy could remember the whole damn night, I could see it in her eyes, but I figured asking 'so did I get with Emily or what?' would probably be a little too 'stalker-ish' so I settled on a wider question.

"Don't worry...nothing happened, we all came and crashed here so we could share the taxi fare, you offered to sleep on the couch so Katie crashed in with Emily...perfectly innocent you were too, it was kind of fucked up." No rising intonation, no emphasis on certain words, Effy was as bland as always so I could only take her words at face value...but she had answered my question; I had been the perfect fucking gentleman. _Bollocks! _

"Great..." Silence wrapped itself around us as we smoked and drank the now barely warm coffee, nothing more really needed to be said; I had my answer and she knew it.

Mel was next to surface and spent about half an hour laughing at how 'cute' I had been last night, I hated her sometimes. She had made herself some coffee before sitting outside with me, after the initial shock the fresh air was actually helping, maybe I did have more common sense than I give myself credit for. I defended myself against Mel's verbal onslaught, laughing and joking as much as I could without the hammering in my head getting unbearable. I was just lighting my third fag of the morning when red flashed through the side of my vision, I managed to glance around to see Emily and Katie collapse on the sofa. My heart jumped as Emily snuggled herself into the pillow that I had slept on and flashed her eyes over to mine.

Her hair was stuck out at random angles and her makeup was smudged underneath her eyes, we stared at each other for a few minutes whilst everyone else nattered away and I finished taking the last long drags of my cigarette. We smiled longingly at each other with the obvious memories of all of the times when Emily had 'slept' over with me at University after a good night out, each time waking with the exact same look, hair everywhere, panda eyes and a massive grin on our faces.

I stayed outside, rebelling against the whole situation, I was not going to give in to Emily's eyes...but it was so difficult. However as Effy and Mel started to get ready to leave it seemed rude not to grace them with my presence before they actually went. As I walked in I grabbed the blanket that I had slept in and curled it around my shoulders as I snuggled myself down in the arm chair.

"Well...this is cosy." Katie broke the silence and both Emily and I shot a relatively evil look in her direction. She quickly took the hint and buttoned it and I watched as both Katie and Mel stifled laughs meaning I couldn't help but break into a smile.

"Sorry, to interrupt the riveting conversation...but we're going to go..." Mel smiled over at me before allowing Effy to kiss her gently; they were so in love I was slightly jealous about it all but tried not to let it show. One by one, Katie, Emily and I stood to say our goodbyes, consisting of a hug or a kiss on the cheek.

"Don't leave it too long to make your move babes...she looked hot last night." Mel whispered into my ear as I cuddled her on the doorstep, she pulled away and smiled into my eyes...I nodded in understanding before slapping her gently across the arm and watching her leave.

Returning to the living room, Katie had disappeared into the bedroom and judging from the mumbling was on the phone. I collapsed back into the comfort of the chair and found that my focus settled on Emily as she continued to make toast. She had managed to get changed before passing out, well, by 'changed' I mean threw on a baggy t-shirt and was now parading around in her underwear. I would have bet anything that she knew what kind of affect this was having on me, the fact that every single second her hips moved allowing the shirt to rise showing a touch more skin was making my heart jump. I cleared my throat and waited as her attention turned to me, leaning up against the breakfast bar and smiling.

"So...last night was...interesting." I blinked up at her before looking anywhere else; finally settling my gaze on the table lamp so that she couldn't see just how much lust was in my eyes.

"Really? I can't remember much...except for having far too many shots of god knows what!" We laughed for a bit, the perfectly rich laughter that made me forget about everything for at least a few brief moments.

"Yea, you really can knock it back...for a straight girl." I have absolutely no idea how sexual persuasion affects the amount you can drink, it just came out and I immediately regretted it, wondering what turn it would cause the conversation to take. Thankfully Emily just kind of laughed it off and I saw her cheeks flush as red as her hair, I sighed in relief that my comment had had the desired effect.

"I never said I was straight, just that I didn't appreciate the female attention...maybe I'm already in a relationship." I tried not to take her words seriously but I felt the grin on my face falter, did she really have someone on the side? Was that her only reason for wanting to 'start' again; so that she could get with someone else and use it as an excuse?

"Relax...You were just far too beautiful, I guess I couldn't believe that someone as hot as you was actually flirting with me..." With that the conversation ended, Emily busied herself putting the finishing touches to breakfast and pouring herself some orange juice and Katie emerged from the bedroom looking completely worse for wears. Muttering something about hafting to go and see Scott, my brain flew around as I realised that I absolutely, under no circumstances whatsoever could be left completely alone with Emily. It would lead to something amazing that I would not be able to control and as such we would be left back at square one. Self control was a bitch, something I had always struggled with, but I wasn't going to let myself go this time...I was going to be strong.

As Katie moaned and swore whilst attempting to find her other shoe, I was also getting myself ready to leave which hadn't gone unnoticed by Emily so I smiled slightly. Katie hugged her sister goodbye and left us to it, almost running out of the door and down the stairs, shouting that she was going to call for a taxi to drop us off at home.

I turned to face Emily and promptly froze as she was a lot closer than I remembered; taking a deep breath I decided to play it as cute as possible.

"So are you going to actually make me ask for your number?" Emily laughed and shook her head at me and my efforts before holding out her hand, I frowned slightly before realising what she meant and I handed her my phone. She played with the buttons for a few seconds before putting it back in my little bag and returning her glance fixedly to my own.

"I'll text you...yea?" I asked for confirmation, and she promptly nodded again so I persuaded myself to go one step further, taking her hand and kissing her knuckles gently, feeling the warmth pulse through me as our skin touched and she quivered slightly.

"I'll be waiting." With that I turned and walked away, which was a surprise to me; I was half expecting to just grab Emily and drag her into the bedroom. As I made my way down the stairs I released the breath I was holding and made my way agonisingly out into the sunlight. My head was still pounding but it wasn't nearly as bad as it had been which was something. Katie was already waiting in the taxi, motioning for me to hurry my arse up; with a wave of her hand...I quickened my step and jumped into the back seat before the cab pulled away.

*

As soon as I had hit the sofa in the safeness of Katie's I had fallen asleep for a few hours, as I regained consciousness I glanced over at the clock, noticing that it was just gone two in the afternoon. I jumped into the shower and washed away the rest of my hangover and started to feel nicely refreshed. I threw on Katie's robe, she wasn't here so I assumed that she wouldn't mind, then I opened up my laptop and resumed my staring contest with the blank screen. So far the screen was winning, I used my lack of creativity as an excuse to get out my phone and type a text.

_So...Haven't been able to get you out of my head, which is making work impossible! It's Naomi – the smoking hot blonde from last night btw! xXx_

I read it over at least four times just to make sure it sounded ok, even though I hated being away from Emily I had to admit that this game was kind of fun. In a really fucked up way, but still, it was vaguely enjoyable. I decided to listen to some music and blasted some Alexisonfire out of my laptop, their music always managed to make me smile. Sparking up a spliff, I waited almost too anxiously for a reply...thankfully I didn't have to wait long.

_Hey! Oh I am sorry, my arse made an impression then? Lol :P Maybe your brain is telling you that you shouldn't be working right now? Ems xxx_

I laughed to myself before my mind wandered back to just how amazing she had looked; even my awesome collection of music wasn't enough to distract me. I just sat there with a stupidly large grin on my face attempting to read between the lines of Emily's text. I decided to play dumb.

_You reckon? What is my brain telling me then? Lol xxNxx_

As the weed slowly took effect, I found myself bounding around the room, swishing my hair in time to the rhythm. I was having far too much fun by myself, but it was giving me something to do instead of just sitting there and opening my phone every few seconds. Raiding the fridge I found some pancakes and heated them up before lathering them with maple syrup. I made a mental note to make sure I bought Katie some more, not that I was likely to remember but it was the effort that counted. My phone flashed.

_I don't know...cinema maybe? Tonight?..with me? xxx_

I don't know just how happy I looked, but I am pretty sure that my face had lit up like the Blackpool illuminations, she was asking me out and in doing do giving me a mental boost. _She was finding it just as hard as I was!_ I smiled like a complete loon for a few minutes before I remembered that I had to text her back.

_Sure, I'll pick you up at eight? xxNxx_

As soon as the text was sent I once again groped through my bags looking for something to wear, casual this time, the little black dress wasn't going to fit in at the cinema. I racked my brains and finally settled on skinny jeans and my blue and black checked shirt cut in at the waist with my black belt. I laid it all out on the sofa and continued dancing around for a few more seconds before noticing that my phone was vibrating.

_No...I'll pick you up at eight...see you later. Xxx_

She was going to take us there on her scooter, which made my choice of hairstyle so much easier, sleek and straight so that it wouldn't be messed up too much by the helmet. I smiled to myself thinking that I was one step ahead, before typing out one last text.

_It's a date, see you later babe. xxNxx_

**So...who is going to break first? Not sure I even know yet so we'll see how it goes! Any suggestions for what they see at the cinema? I have NO idea! :D**

**Once again thank you all for reading! Please continue to review; it really makes my life to read everything you lovely people have to say!**

**Love you all for reading as always!!**


	7. Chapter 7

**Ok, so I know I told you that I wouldn't be updating as regularly but I find that I am staying up till ridiculous o'clock in the morning just because my mind won't let me stop writing! I love that I am inspired but could really do with some sleep! :P**

**So yea, here is your update A LOT sooner than I thought but hey, what can you do...Enjoy! **

Just under an hour until Emily would be picking me up, I was almost ready, with just my make up left to attempt. I was rummaging around in the front room trying to find my eye shadow which had chosen the most inopportune moment to disappear. I was disturbed from looking as the front door clicked open and Katie walked in...Crying. She looked up at me before running into her bedroom and slamming the door, she was like me, never wanted to show weakness. I arrived behind her just in time and had to step backwards slightly to make sure I wasn't sandwiched in the ferocity of the door.

"Katie! Open the door for me yea?" I shouted through against the door and I could hear her breathless sobs, each one making me worry a little more. She didn't respond, she was just crying, I think my mind shot through every possible scenario, but it must have something to do with Scott and the phone call. I shouted three or four more times, trying to respect her privacy, but the worry won and I pushed my way in to see her looking...distraught.

"Katie...come on...talk to me." It wasn't a question this time, more of a demand but my voice was so full of concern I'm not sure she cared. I walked over and sat on the edge of her bed, scared that she was just going to tell me to piss off. She didn't, in fact she sort of fell into me and I held her so tightly, just letting her cry, I couldn't think of anything to say to make her speak to me so I just concentrated on holding her. I was almost in tears myself, focussing on anything other than the pain of the whole situation, in the end I fixed all my attention on the fact that her hands were clinging to my back and how she was physically shaking.

"Scott...wanted...to...have...kids..." She spoke between broken breaths and I was stumped on what I was going to say, I was still attempting to deal with the fact that she as opening up to me. We sat there in the agonising almost silence for a few moments before I started to speak.

"Does he know you can't?" I brushed my hands through her hair carefully and was rewarded for my efforts as her sobs began slowing and her eyes gradually meeting my own.

"Yea, that's where I've been...trying to talk it all through with him, he chose kids over me...fucking tosser! This is going to keep happening, it's all fucked up Naoms." I'd never heard her like this, she sounded so empty, and it was horrible. I moved my hands carefully over the length of her hair and down her arms, letting her know that I was absolutely here for her but at the same time being very careful not to 'touch her up.'

"You'll find someone, I promise, forget Scott, he is a complete prick. You're beautiful Katie, like seriously gorgeous, just keep your head up...yea?" I smiled at her and she wrapped her arms around my neck, completely shocked it took me a few moments to respond and hug her back, crossing my arms over behind her.

"If you had a cock, you know...I might just fucking go for you." In a weird way I guess it was a compliment, Katie had stopped crying but her eyes were still red and I held her against me for a few brief moments and I couldn't help but chuckle slightly over the entire strange situation.

"Yea well, just in case you haven't fucking noticed me being dressed up and all...I have a date with a certain red head that I am still madly in love with." Katie's face crunched up at mention of her sister and she promptly shoved me backwards, rolling over in laughter whilst she whacked me with a cushion momentarily until her door opened again.

"Am I interrupting something?" Emily stood there, arms folded with a grin on her face; she had probably used the spare key when no one answered the door. I doubt she would have ever imagined that she would be stood watching Katie attack me with a pillow, frying pan maybe, but something soft? There was no way she expected this. We paused before bursting out with even more giddy child like giggling, I wasn't even that high, the weed had all but worn off. Emily was still standing there smiling at us, with a vaguely worried expression as she saw her sister's smudged make up and puffy eyes. Giving her a glance that told her I would attempt to explain later she mouthed the words 'thank you' before walking in hugging Katie carefully and perching herself on the edge of the bed.

Katie did my make up quickly and said her goodbyes to us, warning me not to keep her sister out too late because she knew where I lived. Emily took my hand and started leading me towards the door but I made some terrible excuse about forgetting my phone and ran back into Katie's room.

"You sure you are going to be ok?" I needed to make sure otherwise I was going to worry all evening instead of working my magic on Emily. Katie just nodded at me with a roll of the eyes and a brief but slightly pained smile.

"Fuck off would you...and get back with her already, you're cluttering up my fucking lounge." I had never liked Katie so much, but I didn't want to keep Emily waiting, making sure she knew that I had my phone with me just in case she did need anything she practically shoved me out of the door.

The journey was annoyingly together, but I tried to make it work to my advantage, moving my hands agonisingly over her stomach and pushing myself harder into her back when she broke than usual. It didn't take us long to get to the cinema, unfortunately, I wanted to have my arms wrapped around her for as long as possible. Once we had found a little space to park in I removed my helmet and fluffed up my hair so it didn't look too awful before helping Emily off of the scooter. I thought to myself about the gentlemanly gesture and realised that I was a tiny but of a hypocrite, but I was trying to woo her heart, not just get into her pants. Although I would quite happily settle for either. As she put all of her stuff into the under-seat storage and attached our helmets to the handlebars I was arguing with myself whether I should hold her hand. _Fucking go for it!_

Emily turned around to look at me and I allowed my eyes to wander all over her body, taking in just how breathtaking she looked before swallowing hard and holding out my hand...making the decision hers. She crooked one side of her mouth up into the sexy smirk that drove me fucking bonkers, she was so damn hot, but she laced her fingers through my own and we walked into the foyer hand in hand. The attention we received didn't make me nervous; it just made the proud smile bigger, they were all jealous of the gorgeous red head that was holding my hand almost tentatively.

We stood for a few seconds beneath the flashing sign, trying to decide what exactly it was we wanted to watch. Well Emily tried to decide what we wanted to watch, I was looking at Emily, smiling at every movement she made, each one making me fall further and further in love with her. Eventually after no help from me at all, she decided we were going to watch 'The Crazies', nine o'clock showing so we didn't have long to hang around.

I paid for the tickets as Emily wandered off somewhere in search of popcorn, I wasn't sure that I was very hungry but it would give me and excuse to 'accidently' keep touching her hand. Finally when we were all set we wandered into the dull darkness and attempted to find our seats, without much luck we took a couple in the corner, three rows from the back. We sat down simultaneously; me huddled in the corner and Emily just about touching me, to my left. It seemed like the cinema was waiting for us to do just that, because as soon as we were comfortable, the lights dimmed further and the screen in front of us came to life.

After a few trailers the film began, within a few minutes it would have taken an idiot not to realise that 'The Crazies' is just a little fucked up. It was a horror about some sort of contamination in the water causing all the inhabitants of some town in America to go barmy and kill each other. I watched Emily's gorgeous face crease up as blood erupted from some poor guy's head...I wasn't really effected by blood, gore and horror, I just found it all funny. Emily however, jumped at everything remotely scary and squinted against any sign of blood, she was so sweet.

The film wore on, more deaths, more fucked up crazy people, more blood and with each minute that passed Emily subconsciously wriggled closer and closer to me. I smiled at her silent attempt to feel protected by enabling herself to get close enough for her arm and leg to brush against my own. I shivered slightly against her, smiling to myself I went for the oldest and possibly the cheesiest of moves. Yawning slightly I stretched my left arm until it was draped gently over her shoulders and I drummed my fingertips against her collarbone. She just smiled up at me.

"You did not just do that..." She started chuckling but she didn't pull away, Emily let herself be embraced and took it as an excuse to lean further into me. Now whenever there was something that particularly made her jump she ended up burying her head into my chest, she had to notice just how fast my heart was beating. I tucked my hand further down her body, resting over her side near her stomach and softly started to move my fingertips, waiting to see if my sudden movement would cause a response. Nothing, so we stayed exactly how we were for the rest of the film, Emily snuggled tightly into my chest, my arm draped carefully over her allowing my hand to play tenderly against her and the sweet smell of her perfume and shampoo making it so very hard for me to maintain any sort of composure.

I didn't concentrate on the movie, I couldn't, I was too busy trying to control my heartbeat, trying to make sure that I didn't let Emily know just how horny I was. As the credits started to roll I felt her fingers link through my own and I took a deep breath against her hair before starting to stand. She didn't budge, just almost pinned me to the chair, ignoring the blatant smiles as people noticed us on their way out. As soon as the door shut behind two almost too happy teenage boys Emily pushed me back into the seat, holding herself up with her knees and pulling my arms around her for support. She paused, gazing into my eyes, silently asking me if she was going too fast, there was no way I was going to give anything away so I moved my hands further up her back and leant up to kiss her gently on the cheek. The instant my lips touched her skin I regretted my decision, it would have been so easy to have a quick cinema fuck before the clerks came in to clean, but I was going to play this right and sex on a first date was definitely far too fast. She laughed slightly against my neck causing me to shiver; we ended up just hugging awkwardly for a few moments before she got to her feet. Wandering innocently out of the cinema, fingers intertwined, taking the short walk back to her scooter.

"That wasn't fair, you practically raped me!" I smiled under the streetlight, making sure that her eyes met mine; she just put her head in her hands to try and hide her embarrassment.

"Sorry Naoms, it's just...whose fucking idea was this anyway? Because frankly...it sucks, I can't stand it!" She pulled me in to her as she was leaning back against her scooter, wrapping her hands around my hips and running her fingers over the line between material and skin, causing me to gasp slightly against her hair. I lifted her chin until she was forced to look at me; I could see the tension in her eyes, leaning in carefully until our lips were no more than a centimetre apart. She attempted to close the gap but I just pulled backwards ever so slightly and smiled, her breath against my lips was almost enough to break my resolve...almost.

"There is never any steamy fucking on a first date..." I spoke in a whisper and watched as her attention went from my eyes to my lips and back again with a slight scowl. I grinned and pulled away completely this time and stuck my tongue out at her. Thankfully she smiled at me before thrusting my helmet into my stomach with a little added force in her frustration. I climbed onto the seat slipping my legs neatly next to her own and wrapping my arms tightly around her waist, smiling as she turned around to look at me before driving away.

The journey was quick, it always was. It doesn't seem to matter where you go or who you go with the journey back always seems quicker than getting there. I was looking at the door to Katie's flat before I wanted to, taking off my helmet it was Emily's turn to do the gentlemanly thing and walk me to the door.

"I would invite you in but I don't think my landlady would be too happy..." I smiled at the door as I felt Emily move up behind and I waited as her arms wrapped themselves around me, hands brushing against the shirt covering my stomach. I closed my eyes as I felt her warm breath resonate across my shoulder blades, licking my lips slightly as she urged me to turn around. As I looked at her beautiful hazelnut eyes, the same dirty look flashed across them as she shoved me backwards slightly until my back was against the door.

"My turn..." Emily's voice was as sexy as ever but I didn't have much time to reflect as all of my senses were attacked when her lips brushed against my own. Her hands were burning my skin just underneath my shirt, near my stomach; I couldn't help but kiss her back. Lips parted allowing tongues to explore as the kiss deepened; every single essence of our bodies was reconnecting violently and breathlessly. She pushed herself against me and moved her attention to my neck, kissing and biting hard enough to leave a mark as I tried and failed to stifle a soft moan. _She felt fucking amazing._

Emily started lifting my leg up so she could fit her hips in between mine...it was useless resisting, all of my control had flown out of the window and I craved for her. Gasping and breathing heavily as her fingertips traced along my thigh, I needed her, wanted her, and yearned for her touch. Her fingers were teasing over my jeans, I could feel the heat through denim as her hands travelled to the back of my leg and her lips met my own to silence my cries of pleasure. I was anything but silent.

"If you two insist on fucking against my door can you at least be a little bit quieter, I'm trying to watch Desperate Housewives!" Katie's voice bellowed from behind the wooden barrier and Emily promptly pulled away allowing some of my self control to return. I straightened my shirt and ran my fingers over my now rather sore neck; I was definitely going to have a bruise. Emily smiled successfully before starting to walk away. I grabbed her hand and pulled her into one final kiss, my own little way of telling her that this was in no way over just yet.

"Night then..." I spoke against her lips and she smiled in reply.

"Yea, night babe...call you tomorrow?" She was so unbelievably cute I found myself attempting to think if there was any way I could sneak her into Katie's apartment without her knowing, but I decided that it was pretty much impossible.

"Ok, talk later." I spoke before allowing myself one final peck and watching her drive away, my heartbeat returned to something near normal and I ran my hands through my hair carefully before looking for the spare key underneath the cactus. I turned back around and stared into the night, letting my thoughts run freely in my brain in an attempt to get my story straight for the numerous questions I assumed Katie would have...I ended up with just one resounding thought.

_We'll call this a draw...for now._

**There you have it, I went with a horror film because I find them hilarious but have been in the situation where the person I have gone with ends up pretty much in my lap because she was so damn scared! **

**Please review!! All your comments make me so very happy! :D**

**Love you all for reading, but by now I bet you don't need me to tell you that! :P**


	8. Chapter 8

**A GINORMOUS thank you to everyone who is reading this…sorry it has taken a few days for this one! Personal situation and all making it almost impossible to write coherently so I apologise in advance if this sucks! :P**

**Here is another chapter for you all to try and enjoy! **

I hadn't been able to sleep, after all the teasing it was pretty much impossible, so I just led on the sofa and stared absentmindedly at the ceiling. I allowed myself to be taken away by the images of red hair, swirling skin and perfect lips that flowed around my mind…Emily was all I could think about. I listened to the second hand ticking around the clock on the mantel piece, with each passing minute my mind wandered further and further away.

I decided it would probably be in my best interests to make the most of my current insomnia and fiddling around quietly for a few seconds I managed to find my laptop and started doing some brainstorming for my next article. I started off writing anything that popped into my head, mostly lustful scenes about Emily and just exactly what I wanted to do to her, reading it back made me blush slightly to myself in the darkness. I ended up writing what I thought would have happened in the cinema if I had let myself get carried away. It was that thought that gave me the idea to attempt an article about 'Cinema Etiquette.' Tackling the important issues of whether it was acceptable to crunch crisps and slurp ever so loudly on your drink, but most importantly whether having a quickie in the back row was even noticeable to anyone else. It was completely nonsensical, but I managed to turn it around and give the article some sort of meaning, in essence, were there too many idiotic rules in the society of the world today? And if so, was that the main reason that so many teenagers and adolescents were taking it upon themselves to rebel?

"Fancy typing any fucking louder?" Katie's voice erupted through the silence, causing me to jump far too high off of the sofa, nearly breaking my laptop in the process.

"Jesus, Katie…could you give me some warning next time you plan on fucking freaking out on me?" I smiled up at her, knowing that she wasn't actually pissed off; she shook her head before switching the light on; making her way into the kitchen and pouring two cups of tea. I watched and waited patiently before she handed a mug to me and shoved my legs out of the way so she could sit on the other end of the sofa. She kicked me slightly, whether it was on purpose or not I wasn't sure but she seemed to grin as I scowled over at her.

"You realise the consequences for waking me up are dire…right?" She took a sip from her cup without taking her eyes off of mine and I pulled the blanket, I was supposed to be sleeping in, over the two of us.

"You were awake anyway…don't give me that shit." I called her bluff, seeing her in the light showed that her eyes looked just as tired as I presumed I did. She nodded, confirming my suspicion, but sadness ran through her face, I assumed she hadn't or couldn't shake off everything that had happened. Katie was trying to hold back the inevitable tears, I nudged her knee with my own and just smiled understandingly at her.

"Hey come on…he isn't worth any more tears, fuck him…it's his loss Katiekins!" She laughed slightly and juddered herself out of the sadness, wiping the tears away that had fallen with an effortless swish of her sleeve before putting her now empty mug on the floor and refocusing all her attention on me.

"So…how was Emily?" Katie changed the subject to one that I really didn't want to talk about, but if she could open up to me then the least I could do was return the favour.

"You really want to know..?" I had to make absolutely sure that she actually wanted to hear about my goings on with her sister, a topic that she now accepted but still cringed at. She looked up at me and nodded her head slightly in answer, so I continued.

"…Well she started this game where we were supposed to pretend we didn't know each other, like first time acquaintances and such shit, but then at the cinema earlier she kind of attacked me, and then again on your doorstep, I pulled away once and the you interrupted…and now, well, it's just a little fucked up to be honest." I looked down into my now cold cup of tea and recalled just how much I had divulged, perhaps a little too much but it was no use regretting it now. Katie just kind of stared at me for a few seconds, thinking over everything that I had said before bursting into fits of rather annoying laughter.

"It's not funny…" I tried to sound serious but it was no use, her laugh was just as contagious as her sister's and before I knew it I had a massive stitch and tears were rolling down my cheeks. It took a while but when we had finally got our breath back and the laughing had just about subsided she swallowed before explaining her sudden outburst.

"Yea Emily said, actually she said how much she was fucking regretting it…she was kind of soppy really, it's a stupid game the two of you are playing anyway, it wont last." She spoke through giggles, attempting to form actual sentences, I kicked her gently in a way of getting her to take my dilemma seriously, but in truth I was just happy to see her laugh again. Even if she did need to use my own current shit experience to do so; I certainly wasn't going to be a bitch and hold it against her.

"Besides, Effy and Mel are having us all over to their new apartment for Sunday lunch; apparently they have some sort of massive fucking news to flaunt in our faces." There was a minute amount of bitterness in her voice, which to some extent I completely understood. However right at that moment the only thing my mind could choose to think about was another agonising few hours attempting not to jump Emily from across the table. I didn't say anything, just kind of sat there once again filled with thoughts of a certain red head it seemed that I was never going to manage to forget. Whatever she had said to Katie, she was right, this whole pretending not to know each other thing was pathetic and wearing thin…I just needed Emily, completely and utterly needed her.

Katie had obviously got comfortable as it didn't actually take her that long to fall into the graceful embrace of sleep, maybe something to do with the company, maybe something to do with the fact that she had worn herself out laughing at me. Whatever the reason…I couldn't disturb her, so I removed myself from the sofa with the utmost care, switched off the light and my laptop before settling myself down in the arm chair and attempting to get some sleep myself. After all I needed all my strength if I was going to be in the same room as Emily, so I was thankful that it didn't take me that long to drift off.

*

The apartment was massive, I was dumbfounded as to how they could actually afford it, coming eventually to the conclusion that they were just squatting in an abandoned studio flat, mainly because I didn't want to believe that Effy's job paid this much. Even if she was near the top of a giant corporate company in London, they must really value her to give her so much time off. I tried not to be jealous but it was so very fucking difficult.

Sitting in the comfort of a huge reception room, Katie had taken the place next to me on the sofa and was currently switching her attention effortlessly between Emily and myself. She had absolutely no tack sometimes but at least someone was enjoying themselves. There was practically no conversation except for Mel blabbing on about finding the perfect dress, Effy was cooking something that smelt absolutely amazing, giving me something to look forward to because at the minute being this close to Emily without something else to think about, was torture.

I had downed two glasses of wine even before the meal so as we all made our way around the table I was already feeling a tiny bit fuzzy. Possibly too fussy as I willingly took the seat right next to Emily, she was wearing the perfume I had got her for Christmas and that was enough to drive me crazy! For such as large kitchen and dining area the table was actually quite small, so much so I could feel the heat resonating off of Emily's skin. _This is going to be a long fucking dinner. _Katie was sat opposite us and took it upon herself to give me a loving kick in the shins every time my attention wandered too close to the teasing neckline of Emily's top. I was sure that I was going to have a massive bruise before the first course was over.

Effy was a good cook; I had never realised, maybe she was more than just a mysterious beauty. I almost hated her for the way she made everything seem so effortless…at first it was just her appearance, but now as she got older with her job, proposing and now this ridiculously good roast; I was starting to think that she was brilliant at everything. I'm also sure that I absolutely would have hated her for it, but at this moment in time I was too busy concentrating on Emily's skin and the searing pain in my shin as a consequence. I scowled across at Katie but she just rolled her eyes, her way of telling me that it was my own damn fault. I couldn't help it, I had really tried to focus on the food; even the loved up fucking conversation, but all I really wanted to think about or concentrate on was Emily. She hadn't looked at me once since we had sat down at the stupidly small table…not once. Not even a single glance at the way my leg was leaning unnaturally close to her own; she was stronger than me. Thankfully however a distraction eventually came in the form of the reason I'm assuming everyone was called here.

"Can I have a little bit of hush please?" I loved Mel's confidence but had to smile at the fact that she didn't seem to notice that she was the only once making conversation anyway. She raised an eyebrow at the stupid grin I knew was on my face before taking Effy's hand and continuing.

"…The wedding's been moved forwards…it's next weekend actually; back in Bristol!" Silence, a resounding non-reflecting silence was all that met Mel's news. I think we were all as shocked as each other; and for the first time possibly ever, I knew that Katie, Emily and I were thinking the exact same thing…'it's too soon, but they look happy, so I wont say a fucking thing!' As soon as that thought had been processed the conversation began as to what exactly this would mean.

"Do you think you'll be able to get the time off work?" Mel droned on about her worries while Emily and Katie nodded along. I however was stuck fast in my own little daydream, my eyes locked against the hush in Effy's thinking about the onslaught and repercussions of marriage. I smiled half a smile at her and in another first her emotionless disguise faltered, I saw fear flash across her face. Something I recognised instantly…it was the same look I had back in college. It wasn't the fear of what people would think, I know there wasn't a fucking chance in hell that Effy gave a shit about that; it was the fear of uncertainty. Effy prided herself on always being sure, she had been all through college and yet here she was; mere days away from the most uncertain thing life had to offer…and she was petrified.

_Was that it? After all this time, being with Emily – all the strength I had shown…was I still stood right at the very beginning, unable to get over the fear of marching head first into something I wasn't and couldn't be sure of? Was the whole 'marriage is a worthless constitution forced upon us by the economy and world that we are unfortunate enough to live in' thing just a cover up for what I was really feeling? I was still fucking scared of not being…sure._

"Naomi!" Mel was practically screaming at me, interrupting me from my epitomising train of thought, but I still wouldn't have noticed if Effy's eyes hadn't snapped out of the trance we seemed to have going.

"Fucking…WHAT?!" I took the anger I was feeling at myself and threw it out there, realising too late just how forceful I had sounded as the laughter I hadn't heard…stopped; the smiles I hadn't seen…disappeared and I was just left in the ear splitting silence I had created.

"Sorry…I mean, yea? What's up?" Softening my voice as much as possible, Mel just looked at me for a brief moment before asking again.

"Do you reckon it will be ok?" I didn't have a fucking clue what 'it' was, I really needed to pay more attention and stop drifting off into my own head. Thankfully her eyes gave away the answer she wanted so I nodded gently before excusing myself, mumbling something about needing a cigarette. The fresh air was amazing against my skin; so soft and cleansing, washing me all over with something new and beautiful; the sun was warm making everything seem more comfortable. Rummaging the rest of my frustration out in the search of my fags, as soon as one was lit and against my lips I was completely happy. Nicotine was amazing and within a few short breaths hearing the birds singing in the trees no longer made me want to kill someone. I was perfectly calm.

"Got a spare one?" So…my relaxing few moments alone ended abruptly when Emily arrived in my line of sight. Hair shining even more vividly in the sun and that stupidly sexy grin plastered on her face. I didn't try to speak; knowing that any attempt I made would be feeble at best. We stood there in perfect understanding, smiling at each other for a few moments of utter bliss.

"You know that was sexual frustration right?" Emily laughed out the lung full of smoke as she spoke, rich warm laughter that made me just want to whisk her away somewhere…else.

"Really? What makes you think I'm frustrated?" She rolled her eyes at me and even I had to admit that the previous eruption, despite the meaning behind it, had hinted towards frustration…a little bit. But I still wasn't about to give her an easy victory, even if she was moving closer to me with that look in her eye that made my knees go weak.

"Oh come on…you can't fucking deny it! The other day I yelled at the postman because he didn't push the mail all the way through!" I couldn't help but laugh, she was right, I was very frustrated but considering my only other option was horny…well frustration was fucking ay!

"Come on babe…" She finished her cigarette and threw it in the plant pot labelled 'BUTS' and closed the gap between us, licking her lips as she got closer. I froze, unable to more as she slid her arms around my waist and pulled our bodies together.

"…We're both turning into total bitches because of this. And I'm pretty sure it's your fault." She was so close I could smell the remaining cigarette on her breath. Throwing the fag I had hardly smoked to the ground I debated pushing her away before noticing that it seemed my body wanted to make its own decision as my arms draped over her shoulders. I tilted her head up and melted into her eyes before allowing our lips to touch. Moving in complete synchronisation the kiss deepened momentarily before I pulled away…my mind screaming at me!

"My fault? You are blaming me? I seem to recall this being your idea!" She was still smiling up at me, gorgeous as ever, I leaned in and gave her a quick peck before scowling a completely fake scowl at her.

"Shut up…" Her lips plummeted against mine, tongues dancing, lips being bitten and without warning; hands moving over material and the heat of skin. Everything felt so amazing, the way her hands seemed to know just where to go to make me shiver, the way she smiled every so often against my lips…Everything about Emily Fitch felt perfect! And in that moment I realised that it always would.

**Hmmm…Back to Bristol we go – methinks some old memories will either make everything better, or turn the whole thing to a quivering mess! :P**

**Thanks for reading – Please REVIEW!!! It really does make my day to hear what you all think – You keep me writing! :~)**

**Love you all – AS ALWAYS! **


	9. Chapter 9

**So…um, I kind of stole a computer screen at work to finish this! (No, not literally I mean I typed this up at work!!)**

**I am supposed to be working at the moment…somehow this seemed more important! :D **

**Sorry it has been a few days, I had some serious trouble starting this chapter, and then some serious writers block throughout! Made me ANGRY!!! But yea, that is enough of me winging…**

**READ!!! :P**

Bristol, I hadn't visited as much as I should have, twice to be honest, but part of me knew it was still and would always be home. I missed everything, the way the air was heavy with the smell of petrol and smoke. The pavements that were littered in fag buts and the odd random drunk stumbling out of the pub at four in the afternoon. Each breath was thicker and seemed to stick at the back of my throat for a few brief moments before subsiding. Bristol was definitely nothing like Edinburgh, for a start the only green here was that being sold on the street corner for a tidy profit…I was sorely tempted. Both cities were beautiful in their own way; on one hand you had rolling hills, breathless views and actual trees. On the other hand you had awesome nightlife, numerous tramps and a street that was completely full of fast food shops – I wasn't sure which I liked the sound of more.

All of the memories I had of home came rushing back towards me fully and at the exact same time making me stumble slightly and feel a little winded. We were all making our way from the train station on the rather awkward journey down, towards home. In a chain of annoyingly ironic circumstances; everyone was staying at mine, except Effy who was spending some 'quality time' at home. I don't think it was out of choice, more out of the belief that you weren't supposed to see your bride much the day and night before the wedding. It was Thursday, and thankfully I had managed, with the help of a rather low cut shirt, persuaded my boss to let me have a week off, thankfully meaning I had time to recover from the incredible hangover I was already planning for Sunday, Monday and possibly Tuesday. It's a hard life but someone has to live it.

To say the living arrangements for the next few days were going to be shit was the understatement of the year, possibly the centaury. I'd lived in communal living growing up, but there was one big difference this time; I had never wanted to fuck anyone staying with us before. Thankfully I found comfort and distraction in the memories that were still whirring around in my head, meaning that for the time being at least, I didn't have to concentrate on everything Emily Fitch.

For the entire, brief, walk home I had managed to lag behind the twins with Mel; if not for a few last moments of freedom, for the fact that Emily was once again wearing heels. _I'm only human…and she does have an unbelievably cute arse. _

"I get it…you like her arse, fancy snapping out of it for five minutes?" I frowned over at Mel before realising that she was both whispering and probably right. She smiled briefly, turning quickly into full blown fucking laughter, once again at my expense. I shook my head at her as she ran up to join the twins; making a brief hand squeezing gesture behind Emily before engaging them in the conversation I was obviously incapable of giving. I was a little wrapped up in my own head, but I just ended up grinning at the way that I could be trapped within the confines of my brain and Mel would still be able to make me laugh like a 'loon on giggle gas' to use on of Pandora's phrases. I was so looking forward to seeing everyone again, which gave me adequate things to think about for the rest of the journey home.

Everything about the house I grew up in was eerily similar, nearly six years since I had lived here properly and the only thing that had changed was the car in the driveway. Kieran must have finally given in on his clapped out old banger and invested on something that looked like it would actually work.

They were expecting us; but it still took an annoyingly long time for the door to be opened and for me to be pulled into an embarrassingly long hug. Mum muttered away sarcastically about me being a stranger before greeting Emily in exactly the same way. I took the opportunity and barged my way inside, along the hall and up the stairs towards the comfort of my bed. After three weeks on two different sofas I relished the bounce of the mattress and the snugness of my old duvet.

Lying sprawled out in the middle of my bed; everything was exactly the same combination of colours and material. The empty embrace of times that had passed was the only thing that hinted towards everything that had completely changed. Looking over at the mirror on the wall, I smiled at the photos of Emily I had 'forgotten' to take down. I managed to drag myself away from the comfort of the bed and was once again captured by memories as my now bare feet brushed against the rug that still held pride of place on the floor at the bottom of my bed. Seventeen year old versions of myself and Emily attacked my mind and my face cracked into a half smile at the fact that even after the past five years we had spent together…we had never once used 'oils!' _A thought for the future hopefully._

I had phoned ahead; in my wisdom, and told my mum about the situation with Emily, so I knew that I wasn't going to be disturbed and forced into conversation…yet. We weren't meeting up with the old gang until a joint hen and stag party at Cook's mum's house tomorrow, so I had time. As I managed to escape all the old thoughts and feelings that ran around my head, I fell into a deep and uninterrupted sleep. The only things bothering me were the unwelcome but completely fucking amazing dreams of times gone by and hopefully times just over the horizon.

*

Waking slowly I noted that my room was starting to fill with the soft spring sunlight resonating through the curtains I hadn't bothered to close. Taking a heavy breath I knew I had slept for at least twelve hours and glancing at my phone confirmed my suspicions, nine in the morning…I must have been fucking knackered. I could smell coffee, gorgeous, rich, smooth caffeine and something that I absolutely needed to start my day with. It was the only thing that kept me from being an utter bitch for the few hours whilst my body attempted to wake itself up.

Mum was in the kitchen and I wondered to myself how everyone else slept, hopefully better than I did and were still all cooped up in bed. Laughing from the front room seemed to prove otherwise, Emily and Mel were awake, my best friend and my 'girlfriend' talking…the main topic of conversation was bound to be yours truly. _Great, just fucking brilliant! _

"Morning love, sleep ok?" Mum looked up from pretending to read her paper as I poured myself a cup of ground bean goodness and inhaled the fumes.

"Yea, nice to be back on something that doesn't have arms…" I smiled and she just raised an eyebrow at me before flashing her eyes to the chair in front of her. I didn't think I was going to escape conversation that easily. I sat down carefully and rested my cup on the table, waiting patiently for the onslaught I knew was on the way. She was just staring at me, like she wanted me to explain everything without her even hafting to fucking ask the questions. _Not a chance in hell. _I ended up just smiling back, silently playing our own little game of mental wrestling, before she eventually caved in.

"So…are you going to tell me what is going on with you two?" Thankfully she had the sense to whisper; Emily was after all in the room next door and could potentially walk in at any moment.

"We're just, playing a little game that's all…" She shot me a disapproving look, she knew exactly was going on, I had told her everything on the phone before even leaving Edinburgh. I just hadn't noticed how obviously let down she was by the whole thing, everyone and everything was telling me to just get back with Emily all-fucking-ready. Three and a bit weeks since this had started and all I had to live on was a few rushed moments that had been rudely interrupted.

"…If it's any consolation I think I'm winning!" I put all my effort into a convincing smile which was welcomed with nothing other than a sigh and a swift shake of the head before she returned her attention to the paper. I was definitely going to crack within the next few days and I was very excited of what exactly that would mean, getting to attack Emily's senses completely and melting into her warmth. I licked my lips slightly at the thought before quickly leaving the table and mustering up the strength to wander into the front room. Mel and Emily were cuddled up on the sofa in a blanket, looking as though they had been up for a while, obviously unable to sleep. They both smiled as I walked in and sat down on the chair, cringing slightly at the fact that I had forgotten my coffee. But there was no chance in hell of me braving the dragon's den to get it back and being accosted with another awkward conversation.

"Morning sunshine…" Mel was grinning at my obviously 'pissed off' look, I rubbed at my eyes and attempted to plaster a smile over my face; sneaking a glance at Emily between my fingers seemed to help matters somewhat however.

"Hey…sleep well?" I was definitely not a morning person; they just seemed to look at each other before laughing and nodding briefly in answer. I did not like the sound of this one little bit and my cheeks were already threatening to flush with the embarrassment I wasn't yet sure that I was supposed to be feeling.

"You were pretty out of it, didn't even say goodnight to your girlfriend!" Mel was poking the bear, I felt like throwing a cushion at her, but not having finished my coffee I had no energy at all so just shrugged it off.

"Yea, sorry Ems…sofas don't really do it for me, if it's any solace I did have some pretty fucking brilliant dreams though!" Her eyes flashed towards mine, causing me to grin slightly and Mel to laugh like a hyena.

"Too much babes, you two really need to get laid…" Mel started laughing again and I shot her a completely evil look, she was right but that's not what I wanted Emily and I properly getting back together to mean. I didn't just want it to be a release; I wanted it to be the start of something pure and amazing. Thinking about it, that's why I have held out for so long, the thought of just _being_…truly and utterly sure of everything.

"You brought it upon yourself!" I couldn't resist winking over at Emily and watching as Mel squirmed slightly against all the love in the room. I giggled at the fact that it affected her so much as well as causing Emily to look promptly at the floor to hide the want and desire covering her perfect features. I think that's what they call killing two birds with one stone. Not that I would ever actually do that – I can't throw for shit!

"I think I am going to go get a shower…is that ok Gina?" Emily almost shouted so that my mum could hear in the kitchen, I knew that she was listening to our conversation anyway but I guess Emily didn't.

"Of course love, just be careful it gets very hot." As Emily started the process of getting up, her eyes met mine briefly and she smirked before removing the blanket. The look on my face must have been priceless as my chin hit the floor in light of the fact that she was wearing not a whole lot more than just underwear. Mel snorted back a laugh as she wriggled herself further down into the sofa as Emily left the room.

"Glad everyone is finding this predicament so fucking funny!" I attempted to keep my voice steady but ended up creased in laughter myself, even I had to admit that it was a little hilarious. Silent laughter rang out mutually for a few moments before a slightly more sincere looked crashed onto her face.

"So are you going to make a woman of her this weekend?" Mel had her eyes closed and I was seriously debating jumping on her, but I wasn't that immature. I jumped on her. _Ok, so I am that immature…surprised? _She groaned against my attack and managed to somehow push me off of her and catch her breath back.

"I'll take that as a yes, and may I just say it's about fucking time…" She left me to it, I snuggled into the scent of Emily that had been left behind on the blanket and melted slightly. I felt another wave of tiredness creep over me, inhaling heavily for a few brief moments before climbing the stairs and opening my bedroom door.

Emily hadn't had a shower; in fact she was sat on the bottom of my bed, allowing her feet to play in the fluff of the rug. I assumed that she was drowning in the same memory I had been last night, I smiled before clearing my throat. Her attention immediately wrapped around me and she produced a bottle of vodka from behind her back. I started laughing before allowing the door to close behind me, making my way over to the bed I climbed in behind her and rummaged through the zipped part of my rucksack, producing a tin of pre-rolled spliffs. She leant back against me and took a swig of the clear harsh liquid, shuddering slightly as it met the back of her throat. I lit a spliff and allowed the smoke to wash over the both of us; it didn't take long before we were both a tad tipsy at best.

"Not even going to ravish me in this state then?" Emily turned around to face me, brown swimming into blue and my heart starting to beat ridiculously loud and fast in my ears. I licked my lips slightly before leaning towards her and letting our lips move together. Her tongue brushed against my bottom lip, I permitted it, and the kiss deepened effortlessly. I allowed my hands to roam around her, playing lightly with the exposed skin of her lower back, she gasped against my breath. I smiled and kissed her again, faster this time, with more hunger and passion than I thought existed within me. She licked her lips in between them meeting my own before moving her attention to my neck.

"Say something…" I couldn't help but crack through the electrically charged silence, she stopped biting and looked up at me.

"I'm all about experiments me…" She giggled slightly at the recollection before returning her lips to my skin but I pushed her away.

"Something…serious…" It took all my effort not to just fall into her arms, only one thought kept running through my mind. _Where was this damn strength when you actually needed it…twat!_ She smiled at me before removing herself from the bed and turning to walk towards the door, pausing momentarily with her hand on the door handle and twisting herself around to face me for one last moment.

"The first thought in my head may be, I want to fuck that girl, but it is quickly followed by the most resounding thoughts of love, thoughts that I never even imagined I had within me…you really are everything Naoms, no matter what…I just…fucking…love you." I swallowed my heart back down into my chest as the door clicked open…and I was once again left alone with my mind.

Even with the party to look forward to this evening I could already tell that this was going to be a _really _long day.

**There you have it, right I am back off to work!! YAY (Or not!!!!) **

**Hope it was an enjoyable chapter – PARTAY TIME in the next one!! :D Please review it makes me happy and gives me an excuse to check my e-mails whilst I am working a 14 hour shift!!! *Cries in the corner!***

**Love you all for reading as always!! :D**


	10. Chapter 10

**Here we go then…won't say anything other than ENJOY!! :D (Something tells me you will! But then again what do I know? I just write! :P)**

I was right; the day had taken fucking ages, every single second seemed to last for an eternity even with the spirits running around in my system already. Nearly half past seven and the taxi were already beeping outside, impatient tosser, he could wait, I was having issues with my lace-ups.

Stumbling down the stairs as gracefully as possible, Emily was waiting for me at the door, lacing our fingers together before we made our way out into the dark. The night sky was completely clear velvet, decorated with sparkling gems of light. The moon's presence was beautiful, beaming down upon us with a magnanimous silver glow. Everything seemed so much more luminous, so much clearer; it was in essence a perfect night.

We made the git of a taxi driver pick up Effy on the way to Cook's, much to his annoyance, which was just fucking funny. The journey didn't take long but the winding roads and passing trees made me feel slightly nauseous, maybe drinking beforehand wasn't the best of ideas. Music hit my ears as we travelled down the far too long driveway, it was heavy and electric…I smiled at the familiar sound. Anything that helped me overcome my current predicament of being sandwiched between Katie and Emily was fine with me. The blushing brides were sat opposite us; I was trying, and failing, to concentrate on anything that wasn't Emily's fingers brushing along the length of my thigh. I don't think anyone noticed as my cheeks flushed so I was left to my private embarrassment and silent glances at Emily's beaming grin.

As the taxi pulled to a stop, I saw the house for the first time…it was massive, completely huge, almost like something you would find in a fairytale. I imagined winding staircases and wardrobes that lead off to random and awe-inspiring worlds. Somewhere that would be all too easy to lose yourself in…_absolutely perfect. _Removing ourselves from the taxi, carefully in my case, and crunching through the gravel we made our way to the front door. As we waited, Emily leant back against me, she was flawless warmth against the encroaching cold night and I wrapped my arms around her instinctively. Glancing over at Mel and Effy I could tell that they were already obviously on something, dilated pupils dancing around frantically in the dark light from the stars. Katie didn't seem bothered by the fact that she was almost a fifth wheel; she was just kind of stood there getting increasingly more impatient and tutting slightly at the amount of time it was taking Cook to open the fucking door.

"Welcome to Casa Del Cookie!" He shouted through the massive grin he had on his face, holding out his arms in welcome, with possibly his eighth or ninth beer in his hand. Motioning for us to get our arses inside and help ourselves to the table full of pills, powder and booze. We all obliged without question, Emily and I both grabbed a bear and poured some of the powdery shit into it, muttering something about bottoms up before downing the whole lot. I needed a fucking buzz, something to keep away the chill when I needed a cigarette, which I could feel would be soon.

"Naomikins, Emilio Man…hows about a private show? Start the night off with a fucking bang!" He raised his eyebrows at us, far too suggestively, warranting a quick punch in the stomach; complately ruining his plans.

"We're not the only fucking rug munchers you have to annoy now Cook…piss off yea?" Emily wrapped her arm around me protectively before Cook and I followed her eyes to Effy and Mel, kissing by the cloak room. He shrugged it off and gave me a pat on the shoulder before draping an arm around Katie and leading us into another room.

It was absolutely packed…almost fifty people would be my rough guess, only a handful of which I actually recognised. Thomas was DJ-ing, _of course, _and Panda was bobbing to her own beat next to the decks. I couldn't see Freddie or JJ but I hoped they were here; somewhere, although the task of finding them was one I wasn't really looking forward to. Emily interrupted me from scanning the room and dragged me over to several buckets of ice containing another variety of alcohol. I had to give Cook some credit; he hadn't forgotten how to party.

Emily picked out a bottle at random, _vodka…what else? _She took a long swig and handed me the cold bottle so I could do the same. It shuddered down the back of my throat and instantly soothed and warmed me to the core. I could feel the drugs working, I wanted to dance, needed to fucking move…pulling Emily and the bottle with me; we joined Effy and Mel on the 'dance floor.' It was fast paced with an extremely heavy bass so I started jumping up and down, thrusting mine and Emily's arms towards the ceiling. She just went with it and twisted her hips closer to mine, she felt amazing against me. It didn't take long for our bodies and flailing limbs to be as intertwined as physically possible, Emily's back to me, arms and hands running freely against each other in the mass of people. A mash of around six songs later, the sweat was glistening and as 30 Seconds To Mars blasted out, I needed a fucking drink.

Emily nodded at my signal and we made our way back over to the buckets of ice. I was seriously debating collapsing in one but eventually managed to persuade myself that it probably wasn't the best of ideas. Instead deciding to down a beer before taking two more burning shots of vodka, feeling on a perfect high, it was effortless. I picked up an ice cube and watched Emily's reaction as I put it 'sexily' in my mouth; allowing the freezing sensation to wash all over my body. Her tongue wound its way across her bottom lip and her eyes blazed with the heat I was feeling inside. She grabbed my shirt and tugged me forwards into a forceful drunken kiss, ice tongues, lips and every emotion colliding and moving in unison. Pulling away and catching my breath, crunching down on the remaining lump of ice; we smiled suggestively at each other. _Cue the fucking interruption…_

"Bonkers, you guys still making monkey? Whizzer!" Panda exclaimed before hugging us both almost too boisterously and grabbing our arms. Before either of us knew what was happening, we were outside, looking at the whole gang. Effy and Mel were spliff sharing, _I hadn't seen them bugger off, must have been preoccupied,_ on one lounger; Cook and Katie seemed comfortable on the one opposite them. Panda was, of course, with Thomas, who neither Emily nor I had actually seen leave the packed room. Finally there was Freddie and JJ, sat on the wall, away from everything; facing out into the garden.

"Took you long enough, sex on the dance floor too good was it?" Mel yelled, drunk off her tits, so I guess I couldn't hate her too much. We were all pretty much in the same state meaning that at the minute we found everything fucking hilarious. Emily collapsed down onto the empty lounger and motioned with her eyes for me to join her. I smirked and then rebelled, making my way, rather precariously, over to join Freddie and JJ on the wall.

"Naomi." JJ nodded, never one for over enthusiastic performances, although I have to admit he had grown up well. Braces and mild acne were a thing of the past, curly hair was cropped neatly and he had finally grown into his arms. As for Freddie, well he was still stick thin but with his essence of complete strength…in fact the only changes I could note were his now short hair and the smile that didn't falter on his face.

"It's been a long time…" He let out his lung full of smoke before embracing me and handing me the spliff he was halfway through. I took a few long drags, allowing the calming effects to drown through my senses. It had been a long time, too long, after all Freddie was with me through all the shit, when I had found out about Effy and Emily. He knew what I was feeling better than anyone and kicked my arse in the right direction. I owed him more than just disappearing for a few years, but his eyes told me he understood…he had after all been in love, once. The silence was comfortable, meaning that I could polish off the weed rather quickly; we ended up talking about nonsense mostly. It was nice being back with friends, even if it did make me realise just what I had given up by moving to be with Emily. Cook's laugh resonated out; giving the three of us perched on the wall the signal that it was about time we rejoined the rest of the group.

"Here's to Effy and Mel!" Cook shouted and raised his glass above his head, spilling his pint slightly over Katie, who for once didn't explode. We all simply followed suit and toasted to their happiness, and one by one everyone started disappearing back into the warmth and music…leaving just me, Emily, Cook and Katie. I leant myself back against Emily and she handed me the now nearly empty bottle of vodka; I took another long swig before placing it gently on the floor and resting my head against the warmth of her body. I lost myself momentarily in the way her hand was playing with my hair, fingertips lingering agonisingly against my skin, making me shiver both inside and out. I decided to busy myself drawing circles on her knees and we just ended up staring into each others eyes. _Tonight, please God, tonight! _

"Fucking great shindig…Cookie's a bloody genius! You two getting fucking _Fitched_ any time soon?" He started laughing and Katie responded by elbowing him square in the chest, which unfortunately just made him laugh more. Both mine and Emily's attention shot over to him, her fingers stopped brushing against my skin and nerves hit me in the pit of my stomach. A million thoughts crashed around my already spinning head, but there was no way I was going to let silence fuck everything up…again. I took a breath and opened my mouth to speak, but Emily beat me to it…_bollocks! _

"Maybe, we're just taking one day at a time; it's pretty fucking awesome actually! But we don't want to rush or be pressured into anything…ok?" Emily dropped a kiss onto my forehead and I don't think I could fit a bigger smile on my face, I'm not sure whether or not she meant it but the effort was good enough for me. I managed to persuade myself to take a quick fleeting glimpse at her face, sincerity, nothing but truth and beauty flooded off of her as she laced her fingers through my own. _I fucking love this girl. _

"Too fucking sugary sweet Emilio!" Cook scoffed a laugh before leaping off of the sun lounger, grabbing Katie's hand and dragging her back inside. Katie managed a brief wink in my direction before allowing herself to be bundled back into the comfortable mash of people. We were finally alone, my heart was beating so fast I kept thinking it was going to fly right out of chest, but thinking about it, it had never really belonged to me anyway…it was Emily's; and always had been.

I lurched up onto my knees and span myself around so that I could look at my girlfriend properly. She had an innocently sexy smirk that seemed to make me crumble from the inside out. I pouted; knowing that she was as close to cracking as I was, raising my eyebrow seemed to be her last straw.

She pulled me into her, lips touching, slowly at first, reminiscing slightly against the memories. I'd kissed her since this stupid game had begun, but not like this, it was completely different this time, almost…honest. Tongues started to reconnect, gliding past each other in exploration, Emily tasted of vodka and we smiled against each other's lips. I pushed myself towards her, until her back was against the cushion, running my right hand down the entire length of her body. My mind chuckled to itself as she shuddered against my touch, I loved that I still had such an affect on her; it was my only power…it was perfect.

She gasped against my ear as I gently moved my lips over her neck, biting to leave my mark; I moved expertly over every exposed part of skin, unfortunately there wasn't a lot on show. My hands, however, found a solution and made their way underneath her shirt, brushing cold skin against warm. Emily let out a small moan in her next breath, I allowed out lips to meet again as her fingers scratched gently down my back. Her back arched slightly towards me as my hands tingled over lace, I could make her react so much with just the sensation of skin on skin. _It was going to kill me if this didn't lead to us falling madly in bed._

"Jesus, Naomi…I fucking need you…now!" She gasped again throughout her words, somehow managing to get up and start to make our way inside without losing any of the heat we had already built up. The back door was open, leading into the kitchen that was thankfully in darkness, I didn't fancy bumping into and being interrupted by some perverted twat. Before I knew what was happening I had been bundled onto one of the stools surrounding the breakfast bar, Emily ran her thumb across my bottom lip before wrapping her arms around me and biting her way down my neck and over my collar bone. She lifted me leg up and pushed her waist between my thighs, I took a heavy breath against her hair. She started running fingertips along the inside of my leg and over the curve of my waist before she pushed both hands underneath my top and bra, rubbing agonisingly against raging skin.

"Fuck…Ems, bedroom!" It wasn't a question; it was a subconscious demand that I needed now more than anything. Her lips plunged against mine for a few lost moments until we started an attempt at finding a staircase…_any fucking staircase, or maybe a broom closet._ I managed to keep myself from falling over as I put weight on my now jelly like legs and thankfully it only took us bundling through three almost empty rooms before we found our next escape.

Emily's hand was wrapped so tightly around my own as we literally ran up the stairs, moving as far away from everyone else as possible before trying several doors in search of a bed. _Bathroom…gym…where are the fucking bedrooms…for such a big house this arrangement really sucks arse._ The fourth door we tried, gave us both what we wanted, satin sheets, thousands of pillows and above all; the door was lockable.

As soon as the door shut behind Emily, I was pushing her into it, grabbing hold of the bottom of her shirt and pulling it over her head. I needed skin. I paused to take in the perfectly defined stomach, teasing my fingertips over a deep blue bra and slamming my lips against hers. I had to pull away briefly as I made absolutely sure the door was locked and removed my own shirt, Emily smiled, attacking my new skin with eloquent kisses and pushing me backwards towards the bed. I had forgotten how forceful she could be when she wanted something, but she wasn't going to top me this time, it was my turn.

My knees buckled as I was rammed into the edge of the bed, I managed to turn us as we fell so that I was able to climb on top of her, knees either side of her hips and pinning her arms over her head. She resisted slightly, before consenting herself to be taken under by my frantic kisses racing over her stomach. As her back arched I seized my opportunity, reaching around behind and undoing the hinge, allowing her bra to be worked loose. I flicked my tongue over one nipple and then the other, smiling against her skin as breathing increased.

Diving my hand downwards, I started to open the button and zip on her jeans, she had completely relaxed beneath me, wriggling ever so slightly with every kiss I dropped onto her. I wrestled her out of the denim and ran hot breath over her girl boxers causing her back to arch flawlessly again and one of her hands to tangle itself in my hair. I kissed slowly up the inside of her thigh and across the band of her underwear, before effortlessly removing them and running my tongue along her warm, wet centre.

"Fuck…" Emily gasped as I ended up doing exactly what she longed for most; I lifted one of her knees onto my shoulder, giving me more room to tease. I'd forgotten the taste, but it was fucking amazing, she started rocking her hips upwards, silently begging for me. I obliged and pushed two fingers inside her throbbing core and started a steady rhythm. Her breathlessness continued and my speed increased effortlessly, tongue, fingers, lips and my free hand attacking every single one of Emily's senses as she got close to the edge. I let a third finger slide inside as I moved my tongue upwards towards her breasts, allowing my palm to take over the assault on her most sensitive area. She was rocking towards me so hard, gasping every breath and releasing tiny groans of pleasure. Her fingernails started to dig into my back; she was reaching out for anything she could possibly find to cling to. My rhythm increased again, my arm was starting to burn slightly but every sound emerging from Emily made me have the want and desire and need to continue. As I felt her convulse against my fingers, I moved myself up further and rained light kisses over her neck as she came, holding her in ecstasy for as long as I dared before removing myself from her and allowing her to crash back to earth.

I listened with a very proud smile as her breathing returned to something near normal, before propping myself up onto my elbow and flickering my eyes over every single inch of her. Sweat glistened effortlessly, her chest was flushed and she already had the beginnings of three love bites. All in all a good nights work.

"That was…fucking…breathtaking…" Emily's voice was horse as she pulled me into another expert kiss. This time I let her push herself over me, I let her remove my clothes as effortlessly as I had removed hers and above all I let her attack every single one of my senses at exactly the same time. Everything was finally perfect. 

**Was it good for you? LOL – Hope it was worth the wait though! What can I say, I really enjoyed writing this chapter, so I hope you liked reading it! :D**

**So everything is perfect again…hmmmm, or is it? Ha you will have to wait for the next update! :P**

**Please review! I love hearing what you all think! Even if it is criticism – I'm a big girl…I can take it! **

**As always – Love you all for reading! :D**


	11. Chapter 11

**Sorry it has taken so long, I have been busy reading and reviewing some of the other awesome fan-fics out there – also had another mass of problems actually writing!! I am starting to get very annoyed, but I will push through!**

**Enjoy! :P**

Sunlight, a constant and unfortunate reminder that there is a world that exists outside of the door. Emily and I were immersed in each other; we had been all night; and then again this morning. I like to think it would have happened even if we weren't drunk; but strangely there is something so sobering about a reunion with your girlfriend's dancing fingers. I could have been blindingly drunk and it wouldn't have made the slightest bit of difference. Circumstances, sounds…everything just disappeared until it was nothing but us. Absolutely nothing else mattered it was simply me and the girl I'm certain I would always love.

It's hard to describe a feeling of utter elation, it's impossible actually; but it is almost like you're flying. You're above everything; the world, the universe, swimming amongst the stars…without having the fear of falling. My heart was swelling so much and I was just led watching her sleep. How her chest rose and then fell with each breath, how her eyelids fluttered against dreams and the agonising way her hand was twitching next to my stomach. I'd missed everything about just waking up with Emily; without even mentioning what had caused us to fall asleep in the first place. My heart skipped a tender beat as she flexed awake.

"Mmm, morning…" Emily buried herself and muttered her words against my neck and I managed to wrap myself further into her. Silence settled and we were led there; against the world, finally as one. I found myself seriously debating staying in the sheets with a very naked Emily Fitch all day. Mel wouldn't miss her best man; I just had to hold the…_bollocks._ The rings; so I was important, I chuckled at my own thoughts until Emily looked up at me with question in her eyes.

"Just thinking if I could get away with doing _this _all day, give the wedding a miss?" Emily laughed against me neck and I quivered at her warm breath that wound its way around my flaming skin. Rolling her onto her back I pushed myself above her and dropped a deep kiss onto her lips. Pulling the covers up over us; I didn't want the world to see us; it wouldn't understand how I could quite happily ditch fucking everything and just lie here forever. Nourishment might be an issue but I was pretty sure someone could manage to frisbee a pizza or two through the window. _Maybe not the most likely of plans…cunting world._

"Come one, we have people to see and places to be." Emily manoeuvred herself away from my hold and out of the bed, going on an aimless search for her clothes.

"You know…you should spend more time naked." I remained in the warmth of satin sheets regarding my girlfriend with the biggest and most suggestive grin possible.

"And risk you not being able to function..? You'd be drooling all the fucking time; someone would need to come up with a way of attaching some form of bucket to your face." She slipped into her underwear far too easily before giving me a quick peck, sitting on the side of the bed and wrestling with her jeans.

"I functioned perfectly well last night thank you…and twice this morning." I realised that staying in bed now really wasn't an option. Making my own sarcastic frustration known in the form of a sigh I quickly conceeded defeat and swung my legs out of bed. Managing to throw on my clothes, minus a sock with I just couldn't fucking find anywhere. I gave up and decided to go sockless, canvas shoes rub like hell, bloody brilliant.

"Yea you did, amazingly fucking great actually…but I promise to spent _more _time naked; but let's get sorted for this wedding first." She crossed the carpet towards me, wrapping her arms tightly around my chest and plastering my neck with irresistible kisses. It was a promise that I liked the sound of, but it meant that I had to wait…I didn't enjoy waiting, for more than a few seconds. Especially when I was waiting for something as amazing as Emily naked, I smiled, forgetting myself. Attempting vaguely to maintain some composure and my 'pissed off' look before Emily turned back to me.

"Fine…" I was sulking like a grounded teenager but Emily just smiled sweetly and shook her head lovingly at me. She took my hand and we started making our way precariously and unfortunately back to the realms of civilisation.

It didn't seem like anyone else was actually awake; and after silently crossing over seven passed out drunkards we managed to find the kitchen. Glancing over at the clock on the wall it was just gone eight and I realised in the harsh and slightly blinding light of day just how much my head was pounding. We both fumbled around for our phones to attempt to get a taxi home at this very unsociable hour on a Saturday morning. Emily found hers first and made the call, I was still searching for mine as she hung up and looked at me as I fumbled in my pockets. Eventually I was reunited with my missed texts, all from Mel, who seemed to be getting increasingly more anxious. There were six of them so I just skipped to the one that had been sent the most recently, three minutes ago actually.

_Ok…seriously, glad you two finally got laid, but can you get your scrawny arses home please – I am freaking and Gina just keeps telling me TO FUCKING BREATHE!!! Xxx Mel_

I quickly replied, letting her know that we would be home in about half an hour, if we could find our way out of this house. I had no idea which direction the front door was; I was completely lost…I followed Emily, wishing for her to fail and for our only remaining option to be returning to the comfort and solitude of bed. _We had tried; honest…_

Regrettably I saw the main hallway up ahead and winced as we made our way out into the inevitable fresh air. Masking it quickly with a cigarette I found myself now wishing for the taxi to hurry the fuck up. I needed caffeine…immediately.

Emily seemed to notice my new expression and almost backed into me, making me wrap my arms around her…not that I was against it. My cigarette found its way to her mouth and she inhaled deeply, tilting her head backwards and blowing the smoke directly into my face. I decided attack was the best form of defence and tickled her forcefully, causing her to giggle insanely and fall towards the gravel. I managed to catch her expertly, but I did however lose my fag in the process of helping her onto her nearly stable feet. I didn't really miss the nicotine too much; it was more a force of habit than anything else. One that, for the moment, had been swiftly forgotten due fleeting hungry kisses from Emily. I smiled as I figured that the loss of my cigarette was probably the best option.

*

The journey home was perfectly annoying; all I wanted to do was curl up with Emily and relax back into our own world for the few brief moments of solidarity. But even the most trifling of kisses were spoiled by the eyes perving back at us in the wanker of a taxi driver's mirror.

"Never seen a fucking lesbian before?" Even my sarcastic jeers weren't enough to make him keep his eyes on the road. It wasn't over soon enough and I paid him without bending over at the window, there was no way I was giving him the satisfaction of looking down my shirt. It wasn't over soon enough but Emily seemed intent on giving him a bigger fucking erection by placing her hand firmly on my arse as we walked up the driveway.

My key had only just turned in the door as Mel bolted from the kitchen, yelling something at the top of her voice about hair and make up looking like shit and Effy never wanting to marry her in this state. Emily hugged her and tried to calm her down, but I was completely unable to do anything without coffee. I couldn't deal with screaming and crying this early in the morning, especially considering my already hammering head. Mum was sat in the kitchen, grinning innately at me as I walked in, almost like she knew something that she shouldn't. I didn't care; at least I didn't until I had taken that first sweet sip of caffeine and turned around to find her still staring at me.

"Ok…What?" I couldn't enjoy my coffee with those perfectly similar eyes smiling over at me, it was incredibly off putting.

"Nothing, Mel just said, you know – Emily and you, _finally!_" I rolled my eyes at my mum's immaturity, I loved her for it, but sometimes she was giddier than a school girl about the most insignificant little things. But this time I suppose I could let her off, it was after all something very important, something that I hoped would put an end to all the shit over the past month, it was a good day. _See, the wonderful calming effects of coffee making me a tolerable human being…almost. _

"Took you long enough mind you, I was starting to get a little worried." My mind had already wandered off at the new memories Emily and I were in the process of making before realising that I should probably say something.

"Yea…" I just continued to drift off, retreating into my own head momentarily before Emily called me from upstairs; all I heard was 'NOW' so I assumed it was a matter of life or fucking death, probably an eyebrow problem.

It wasn't an eyebrow problem; Mel had locked herself in the bedroom and was refusing to come out and crying hysterically, best man's time to shine. It took all my words of persuasion to get her to let me and Emily in, well that and the fact that after years and years of practise I could open the door from the outside. It was a skill that came in very handy when one of the people 'communally' living with us had stolen my duvet or something else from _my_ room. Mel was sat in a corner, dress on the bed, make up smudged all down her face probably on a massive come down from the drugs consumed last night.

"Come on babes, it's supposed to be a fucking happy day!" I smiled into her eyes and wrapped my arms over her shoulders, trying to calm her down and make her realise that in a few hours none of this would matter.

"Yea, fucking right, why should I believe you…you don't even want to get married." She was still hugging her knees tightly, burying her head into my shoulder as I glanced up and prayed that Emily was still smiling. She was sat on the edge of the bed staring at the floor, _fucking great, two emotionally unstable people…help? _

"What if I told you that the amount of love and fun the two of you showed in planning this whole thing…made me rethink…?" Both Mel and Emily looked up at me, both had renewed hope in their eyes and both managed a smile.

"Really?" It was Emily that spoke, but her question was backed up with the silence of composure from Mel…_in for a penny…_

"Yea, you two are so fucking in love, it's sickly, and…makes me think that maybe I might be ready to take the plunge for myself…soon." I was lying, I was in no way ready for anything of the sort, but if it gave two people hope then what could possibly be the problem? I was just going to have to speed up my thinking process and hopefully come to the conclusion that marriage wasn't just a complete sham. _Fucking idiot._

"You really think everything is going to be ok?" Mel needed more reassurance, I don't think I blamed her; it was a fucking scary thing.

"Yea, I really do…you love each other too much for it to fail, you just have to believe in Effy, I'm absolutely sure she believes in you." She smiled at me, wiping away the black smudge of eyeliner from underneath her eyes before screaming 'lets fucking do this' at the top of her voice.

The ceremony started at one, so we still had plenty of time to make her look breathtaking, one of the best things about weddings is the look on everyone's face when the bride walks in. Looking at mine and Emily's handiwork as Mel stood in front of the mirror; ninety percent of the guests were going to be stood with mouths gaping, chins resting on the floor. It was a triumph, the dress was a perfect choice, figure hugging and flattering in all the right places. The train wasn't too long, and the feathers and flicks of red that decorated the corset were amazing. She looked remarkable, and come to think of it, so did Emily and me, bridesmaids dresses usually weren't the best looking things in the world but ours were somewhat refreshing. Plain red corset, laced in white, with satin trailing on the floor and heels, the only downside to the outfit, I fucking hate heels…after the ceremony they were definately coming off but I could probably endure them until then. We were all staring in the mirror, looking at the reflective versions of ourselves, smiling, noting down the memory in history…only briefly interrupted as the car honked outside.

"Shall we?" Emily and I spoke simultaneously; Mel started to laugh at how perfectly in sync we were. It was bloody hilarious but there was absolutely no time for incessant laughter, we had to get her to the registry office on time.

*

Everything was so beautiful; Katie had really outdone herself with all the arrangements. I was taken aback slightly by the gorgeous flowers that were dotted everywhere, I never knew such emotion could be woken up inside me just because of an arrangement of roses. But as I stood waiting all I could do was look around at how flawlessly everything seemed to flow together. The room was already packed, JJ and Cook were ushering to the best of their abilities, which involved Cook laughing and shouting a lot. Katie and Panda had come to find us; Panda was Effy's 'best man' or maid of honour, it didn't matter either way…her speech was going to be fucking hilarious.

Everyone was ready…so the music began.

**So yea, not sure whether I liked this one – crisis of confidence in progress! Might have something to do with the way that not a lot is happening at the moment…**

**NEVER MIND!!**

**Please review and let me know what you all think! Hopefully the next chapter won't take as long and will be more **_**productive**_**!**

**Love you all as always…**


	12. Chapter 12

**Here we go again! :D I managed to finish this chapter sooner than I thought, considering one hell of a lot happens! **

**Hopefully it is enjoyable and a giant thank you to KairiM – You know why! :D**

"…whizzer, well I've known Effy forever, well seven years and a winkle. We were friends coz I was useless and minging and none of her blokes would want to surf and turf me, until Cook, but that was just me learning how to do sex coz my boyfriend got deported back to Congo but he's ok now, meant nuffink anyhoo… I been with her through everythin, like, when she went mental as a nut basket, she was bonking nuts, day and night, nuts nuts nuts…but the voices went away aye Ef? But now she is making monkey with girls, which is super bonkers, but what I really meant to say was that Mel is crazy awesome. Two peas in a pod, loopy symmetrical and stuff…make each other smile like my mum after brownies, which is a super whizzer smile. I hope they live together happily forever and play twister, coz twister is wicked bonkers, Effy and Mel!" Half of the room was stood mouths half open, attempting to make some sense of what Panda had meant and the rest of us were just wetting ourselves. She was fucking hilarious, especially when she was attempting to be serious, I don't think she knew how dirty she sounded most of the time.

Eventually the room applauded and toasted to Effy and Mel for the eighth or so time already and I hadn't even made my speech yet. There was a quick break before I had to make an absolute fool of myself so I trudged over to the bar and attempted to fill myself with beer before hand. The bar staff were idiots, they didn't even look old enough to buy a pint let alone pour one, but it was all free so I certainly wasn't going to complain. Free beer was fine with me, even if it did take while.

"Cant wait to hear what you have to say babe…" Emily wrapped an arm around my waist and pulled me into a brief kiss before scoffing at the amount of time it was taking us to get served.

"Me either…" I couldn't help but laugh as her expression changed whilst realising that I had absolutely nothing prepared. Eventually we got our precious alcohol and made our way out onto the dance floor for a little twirl. Her hips wound their way into mine and I found that I was holding my breath as her fingertips wandered over my back. We got lost in our own little world, every time skin touched or our lips crashed frantically together…it was completely intense, perfectly suspended in time.

The music slowed, as did our movements, pulling us closer together, Emily's hands locked around my neck and I pressed my palms into the small of her back. We moved as one, flawlessly intertwined with each other until nothing else existed and we were just staring into each other's eyes. It's amazing how everything else can just fade away, just run into darkness and seem to be completely unimportant when you are lost in the essence of the person you know you will always love.

After all of these years, the ups and downs she still felt like my entire world, like nothing else mattered and as long as I had Emily, the universe could fuck off. Even so, I was still full of something I had never felt before, the pressure of making a decision that would ultimately change everything. I was running around in circles, drowning into Emily, trying to swim against the current and stick fast to the belief that marriage is just a proof of something that under no circumstances should need proving. Our love was so pure, it didn't need anything to make it any better, marriage would taint us, make us just like everyone else, but we were special, why couldn't Emily see it…why didn't she still believe it?

"Get out of your head, the speech will be fucking aye!" Emily kissed me; my mind span and I took a deep composing breath against her lips and attempted a smile. In no way could I let her know what was really bothering me, everything is so fragile, everything important anyway. This wasn't the time or the place, she needed to know what I was thinking but it could wait until we got home, wait until we were alone and this whole thing had made some headway into being forgotten. _Just breathe…_

"Damn fucking right, public speaking is so my thing!" I laughed out all of the angst, just released it into the air and told myself that today wasn't about me and my fucking head trauma; it was Mel and Effy's day, elated partying.

The music had died down; everyone was starting to crowd around the cake, I mean what the fuck is the cake even for? Apart from piling on a decent amount of calories before the sexathon that is the first night of marriage…it was pointless, why not just eat a shitload of pasta and give yourself some proper staying power not a sugary rush. I did have to stifle a laugh however as Panda got a little enthusiastic and almost toppled face first into the tower of icing. So far she was the light of the party and I was cacking myself in hafting to follow her ramble of a speech, something from the heart would probably be the best option. No one did random humour better than Panda; even if nine times out of ten she had no fucking clue she was so funny.

As everyone started to sit back down, ready for my awesomeness and for the brides to have their first dance straight afterwards, my stomach started rolling around within me. The pang of nerves I could suppress but this was different this was a full blown fucking melt down, how could I stand up and be positive about something that I thought was a sham? I sat there waiting until Mel had got back from the bathroom, I figured I should be probably holding her dress or something but I don't think I would be able to move more than a few feet. _Stupid fucking brain, SHITIFICATION! _

I was basically meditating by the time Mel actually took her seat, trying to block out everything, _picture everyone in their underwear…no wait don't…you wont be able to concentrate on speaking…Emily…FUCK…_I puffed out my cheeks as Mel elbowed me in the stomach telling to just get on with it. I stood shakily and smiled out into all the expectant faces, crashing my spoon hopefully silently onto my glass.

"So, I'm Naomi, Mel's best man and she told me that if I didn't make a speech she would kill me; seemed like a no brainer at the time but now I'm freaking a little bit, not sure whether death would have been the better choice…" They laughed, good start, a token of structured humour to break the ice…I looked out into the room momentarily before returning my attention to the two people sat next to me, utterly wrapped up in each other.

"But I guess what I should say is that, I have known both Effy and Mel for a long time and I love them both. Knowing that they have found the person that they want to spend the rest of their lives with in each other…is awe-inspiring. The stupid smile they always have on their face is slightly annoying, but ultimately, proof of something that no one can understand fully – love. I don't think you can understand the magnanimity of love until you experience it…" I glanced over at Emily for the briefest of moments, as did Mel.

"I am experiencing it, and knowing in some part just how they are feeling makes me understand each smile. It lets me know to some extent what the silent glances are for – trust me though, you really don't want to know what is running through Mel's dirty brain right now…" Mel hit me on the arm lightly, and I waited for the laughter to die down a bit, so proud of the fact that not only was I still stood upright but that I was actually managing to form a something near coherent ramble.

"We can all see just how madly in love they are, I don't need to mention that…even though I kind of just did. But anyway, I guess all that is left for me to say is that, you have both helped me through so much…without the two of you I don't think I would even remotely be the person I am today. I would still be quivering in the closet and sleeping with people like Cook;" He wolf whistled, and shouted something that I didn't quite catch but once again the congregation burst into fits of laughter.

"…but instead I am completely happy. You both mean the world to me and I wish you nothing but perfection, happiness and a long and brilliant life wrapped up in each other. This one is for you…Effy and Mel!" I raised my beer above my head and noted everyone else echoing my last three words and taking a sip of their drinks. I downed my pint, Mel joined me and then we had a shot of something absolutely fowl, before she grabbed me into a hug.

"Thanks babes; that was awesome…you always did improvise well." She whispered against my ear and winked at me before taking Effy's hand and leading her towards the middle of the floor. I smiled as the dulcet tones of the Goo Goo Dolls rang out; the song for their first dance was 'Iris' a perfect choice…typical Mel, in life for every moment. I had never noticed just how perfect they looked together, the way they held each other so tenderly and as if one wrong movement would cause the other some form of immense pain. The annoying smile spread over their faces and I recognised the moment that they fell head over heels into each others eyes, they kissed briefly and just swayed with the music. Emily grabbed my hand and interrupted me from my staring by leading me onto the dance floor to join them. _Did Emily and I look like that to everyone? _

As soon as the song was finished I all but ran out of the marquis and out into the sunlit fresh air for a smoke. I needed a break from all the perfection, it was making me slightly nauseous, although that may be helped by the fact that I had indulged in six or so shots with Cook and four pints already. My liver was going to be fucked after this weekend, if it wasn't already.

"Fucking Naomi!" Cook wound his arms around me, pulling me into his chest so I could inhale his sweet aftershave. He was always so comfortable, I knew the softer side to him as well so it was easy to enjoy one of his cuddles without feeling like he was checking out my arse over my shoulder, too much…he was after all still Cook.

"Brilliant speech Naomikins, I'm gonna make one just like it when you and Emilio get in on the old marriage thing!" He grinned at me as he released me from his hold and ended up just draping an arm around my shoulder. I moved my attention the floor and took the few paces forwards until I was able to sit on one of the giant stone steps.

"What's up babe?" he sat next to me and offered me the spliff he had produced from…somewhere. I took it gratefully and allowed the smoke to settle in my body before I worked up the courage to let myself go.

"I don't think I'm ever going to be ready Cook…I don't think that I am ever going to be able to look at marriage and think of it as a positive thing. Love is supposed to be so pure, so flawless, why should anyone have to go through such a charade to prove it?" I took another drag and appreciated the silence as he was obviously thinking of an answer.

"Dunno, wish I could help you babe, but if that's what you feel then you got your answer right?" I had wanted him to say something that allowed me to find some way of thinking that marrying Emily was the right thing to do, but he did make sense.

"But what if I lose her Cook?" My voice was barely above a whisper in admitting the only fear I had left, as if silence was going to stop it from actually being something that could logically happen. He took my hand and his skin was rough against mine, for once he didn't have a big grin on his face, he looked as though he felt every ounce of the emotion that was coursing through me…hoping that the physical contact he offered would allow some of the burden to be passed to him. I loved James Cook; he was nothing short of my rock, like an older, slightly insane, brother…who would do absolutely anything to protect me.

"Nah, won't happen, you love each other too much…Naomi; when you were dancing earlier, anyone with half a fucking brain cell could see that. Besides even the Cookie monster couldn't come between you two, fucking nothing else will babe." He kissed the side of my head, on my temple, and I chuckled slightly in thanks of his last remark. He was an idiot, but he was an idiot who always knew how to make me laugh, someone I knew I could always count on to get me pissed off my face and help me forget everything.

I took out a cigarette and he disappeared in search of further sustenance…alcohol, leaving me with my thoughts for a few moments of solitude. The nicotine mixed with the now calming effect of weed was enough to make me stop rocking and start just enjoying my fucking self, it isn't every day one of your best friends gets married to another really close friend and they have a free bar and a truck load of grub to pig out on.

"How's about we have our own little toast!" Cook yelled as he stumbled over a flower pot practically falling into me and thrusting another tray of shots into my lap. I loved him so much. He regained his composure and plonked down beside me, grinning inanely at whatever it was he found funny, I didn't ask, figured it was probably easier to just take a drink and down it quickly before they were all gone.

In essence alcohol tastes like absolute shit, but it does work wonders and the feeling of the happy buzz is worth the vile liquid burning down the back of your throat. He grabbed himself two glasses, poured one down him immediately but held the other one out and motioned for me to do the same. I did and clinked the glasses together, three more times and I was already swaying, tequila was horrible but the more you drank it, the more immune you became and right now I was fucking bulletproof. There were two glasses still on the tray, unless I was seeing double, but I didn't think that was the case. Once again Cook and I both wrapped our fingers around them, but this time he paused and looked like he was going to attempt a sentence.

"To being young free and away from the fffucking world of mmmmarriage forefver" He clinked his glass against mine and I screamed 'YEAH' in agreement before downing another shot. I had completely lost count now but I was swaying to the rhythm of my own tequila shaded music that was washing around in my own head. At least it was better than the actual coherent thoughts that made me want to rip my hair out.

"Nice toast…" I swung my head around far too fast and it took an eternity for my eyes to focus on the red, Emily, standing there fighting back tears. _Shit._ Alcohol buzz is brilliant but your inhibitions seem to fuck off out the window and enable you to release any thoughts that may have been in your mind at the time.

"No Emily, I'm wasted…didn't; no, you don't…" I stuttered as I pushed myself to my feet and charged after her. All of the effects of the booze seemed to slip away and I travelled in a vaguely straight line, but it was to no avail, she had gone, disappeared within the mass of people. _Such a fucking idiot! _

It's amazing, when you actually want to be left alone all manner of people find any excuse to talk to you about anything and bloody everything. I'd been accosted by Cousins, friends, random acquaintances and even Anthea asking me something about whether anyone would notice if she slipped off for a quick round with one of the waiters. _I don't fucking care…I need to find Emily! _My mind kept screaming at me through the fuzz of settling alcohol, I tried everything to shake it off…the only thing that even remotely helped was the need and desire I held to find her.

I had searched everywhere, the bathrooms, outside, amongst the sweaty bodies on the dance floor and I'd even ventured over to the mass of older folk who didn't look like they had the slightest clue what was going on. My fears of menthol and the smell of biscuits mixed with pee were quickly overshadowed by the thought that Emily might reside somewhere in the mass of wrinkles and walking sticks. She didn't, in fact it was like she had completely vanished…I returned to the soothing fresh air and breathed heavily through the tears that I didn't want to cry.

"Last time I saw her she was in the cloakroom; where we came in…" Katie's voice forced its way through the thoughts that were screaming around my head. She stalked over to me and hugged me, I managed a brief smile at the thought that going back six years Katie fucking Fitch would have rather been single and but ugly than help me find her sister.

"Thanks…" I spoke and attempted to keep my voice from cracking too much against the onslaught of emotion before Cook came out to join us. Hugging me tightly too, offering his support and then turning round and kissing Katie, like full on, I everted my gaze momentarily before realising that their explanation could wait and running off towards the entrance. It had been about half an hour since Emily had heard the most inappropriate part of mine and Cook's drunken warbling excuse for a conversation.

I brushed myself down as I stared at the dark wooden door of the cloakroom, hoping above hope that she was still in there. But most of all wishing that everything was going to be ok and I hadn't fucked up for good this time. I rested my hand on the black metal handle and took the deepest of breaths before pulling the door cleanly open.

Emily was there, but not alone, she had a bottle of vodka and her tongue down someone's throat. She pulled away and met my eyes with her own, she was out of it, the brunette just looked at me and her hands continued to trace their way up Emily's legs. I wanted to kill her, but every ounce of anger was drained out of me as Emily looked like she was about to speak.

"Mandy would marry me…wouldn't you?" The brunette nodded as I continued to stare absently at what was unfolding in front of me. All the thoughts in my brain had turned red, the burning sensation inside of me had been reduced to numbness and my whole body was shaking against the un-thinkable possibility that Emily had remotely meant those words.

I felt an arm around me and looked up into Cook's flushing face, once again every ounce of anger seemed to pass from me to him and he looked strained from ripping 'Mandy' out of the closet and throwing her out of the door. I figured only the facts that he didn't want to make a scene and that she was a girl were the only things stopping him from doing just that. All of Emily's confidence seemed to have left her as she noticed just how broken I must have looked, tears started to well up in both of our eyes but I didn't want to give her the satisfaction of seeing me cry.

"Can you get me out of here please?" Cook did just that.

**There you have it – hope it was vaguely enjoyable! :P The next chapter shouldn't be too long, and I apologise for yet MORE angst! **

**You all know what to do – REVIEW please, all of your comments make me exceedingly happy! **

**Love you all…**


	13. Chapter 13

**Ok – don't get too alarmed by the word count! This is just a little filler because I feel it is important, but didn't really fit in with the flow of the next chapter!**

**So yea read and Enjoy!! Next chapter well on the way…**

Cook had taken me home with him and got me absolutely bladdered; it always was the best way to forget. I didn't say anything, neither did he, he just sat down next to me, arm draped over my shoulder allowing us to smoke and drink the day and night away. I ignored text after text from Emily, call after call from everyone fucking else. _Why don't people get that the more they ask me if I am ok, the more likely the answer is going to be NO JUST FUCK OFF! _

Cook understood, he just let me stare my problems away, only talking when to ask if I wanted another spliff or to tell me where the bog was for the seventeenth time already. He let me just be at peace while a war waged between the thoughts in my head until eventually…he let me cry. Emily was punishing me, that was the only conclusion I managed to come to, the only coherent thought I managed to produce and yet it still wasn't a good enough excuse for her to kiss someone else. So I had lied about being ready for marriage, so fucking what, I was going to tell her…at some point. I was completely at a loss, how did everything crumble in my fingertips; again? It was like I was destined to destroy this relationship, but this time Emily had definitely helped, she had catalysed something tiny into something earth shattering. My stomach was dancing and my head span against all of the alcohol we had consumed until eventually my never ending thoughts drove me to sleep…pass out…soothing blackness.

*

I woke with a mouth like a sandpit and the miserable thumping in my skull that I had grown accustomed to. I was still on the sofa; Cook had left me where I fell with a blanket wrapped over me and a pre-rolled spliff waiting for when I woke up. I heard crashing from the kitchen so I assumed he was making himself some breakfast and hopefully some coffee. I wriggled myself around until I was in a position that made standing almost easy, although with a head as heavy as mine was at the moment, even the smallest of moves was going to be agonising. Drink helped you forget alright but you paid for it in the fucking morning. Every part of me seemed to strain and hurt as I attempted to stand and started making my way slowly into the kitchen, battling off the sunlight with the blanket that I had shoved over my head.

"Morning babes…" He kissed me gently on the forehead and placed a mug full of steaming caffeine in front of me as I collapsed onto one of the bar stools completely unable to move any further. Taking three long sips of the settling dark aroma I could feel the warming and almost healing sensation immediately. Lighting the spliff I had remembered to bring with me, the onslaught of drugs and coffee caused me to feel right as nine pence in no time at all. I found myself half debating getting out another bottle of vodka and trying to drink myself into another happy dreamless sleep but I figured I should probably attempt to be a semi-decent human being today.

"Thanks Cook…for everything…" He winked at me, grinned, and then continued to make himself some toast as I polished off both the weed and the coffee almost simultaneously. I put my head in my hands and stared into the empty mug, hoping that it would give me some answers; or at least some fucking clue as to what I needed to do. A break didn't fix it; neither did playing Emily's stupid game and then the disheartening thought made its way into my already feeble head. _Maybe we are beyond fixing. _

"You figured out what you're gonna do yet Naomi?" He sat down opposite me and nudged my knee under the breakfast bar; causing me to look up at him. He took one giant bite of his breakfast and smiled a crumbed smile.

"Not a fucking clue, but…I think seeing Emily any time fucking soon would just make everything bloody worse." He nodded a silent agreement and promptly gorged down the other slice of toast, I smiled at his typical boyish behaviour and felt tears well up in my eyes again.

"I'm not going to let you fall apart Naomikins, you're my girl yea? And as such you're fucking hard as nails!" He closed the gap between us and lifted my chin until I was staring into his eyes before guiding his arms carefully over my shoulders and pulling me into a hug. Tears subsided as his strength poured all over me, washing away any insecurities and doubts, leaving me with the one solid resounding truth that I had left. _I needed to go home…to Scotland. _

We spoke about it for the rest of the morning, about what I was going to do when I got there, about who I was going to stay with after my inevitable slanging match when Emily returned. He seemed to understand but I hated the look on his face my decision to leave had caused, he was crushed. But as much as I loved him, I needed some time by myself, to do some thinking, and the only way I could do that was to return now – before anyone else did. I would have two days to just sit in darkness and attempt to come to terms with everything that had fucking happened.

Cook spent most of the morning just holding me, gently, as if he never actually intended to let me go. He took the journey with me back to my mum's and made sure the place was clear before I went in to get my stuff. Leaving mum a little 'goodbye' note on the kitchen table, informing her that I was in no way running, I was just giving myself time to think before facing up to what everything means. Cook helped me with my things, took the taxi ride to the station with me and waited for the train to pull in…as soon as the doors opened his eyes immediately fell.

I kissed him, completely openly, for a few heart warming seconds, letting our lips move together. We both knew it meant nothing other than a confirmation of our love and friendship but he smiled back at me. After everything that had gone on in his life, it wasn't surprising he was never any good at goodbyes, so instead he warned me that if I didn't phone him everyday and let him visit at least once a month he was going to hunt me down. His protection meant everything and as the train pulled out of the platform I couldn't bear to look back and watch him walking away, it would have killed me all over again.

**You know what to do – REVIEW PLEASE! Even though it was only a little filler, I would still like to hear what you thought! **

**Love you all as always! :D**


	14. Chapter 14

**Ok – this is getting ridiculous, three chapters in about 15 hours! LOL Guess I got a wave of creativity but I really do need to sleep now! :P**

**So this one has a little surprise in it – hope you enjoy reading!**

Train journeys are shit at the best of times, but when they last for a stupid amount of time and the only thing you have to help you escape from your thoughts is the cross word in the newspaper…they really fucking suck. I tried falling asleep but every time I closed my eyes all I could see was Emily and Mandy, the fucking slag, exchanging saliva in the cloak room. My I-pod had ran out of battery life so I couldn't even drown out the hammering with some Bullet for My Valentine, something about them that just enabled me to escape my own brain…or melt it…either way.

I ended up just staring out of the window, watching everything just flow by completely seamlessly. Greens melted into browns, blues faded into whites…all the colours just banded together in one liquid movement. Everything just seemed to fit so perfectly together…but there was no red; nothing except the ring around the eyes of my reflection held my most precious colour.

Seconds turned to minutes, minutes to hours and before long, the sun was starting to set carelessly in the sky, washing all the colours to orange…making everything seem the same. Eventually the train reached the end of the line and I managed to remove my head from my hands and stand, before collecting my things and stumbling back into reality. A reality that, because of Emily's actions and consequences, had turned black and completely empty. I placed one solemn foot in front of the other, it was effortless and I started thinking that everything should be as simple as fucking walking. If not for the simplicity for the certainty that as soon as one foot crashes down to the hard ground below the other must be lifted.

My eyes stared at the ground, I didn't blink, my attention didn't switch to the group of teens clanking bottles and smoking…I didn't want to look at anything other than my way home. It wasn't a long walk; it wasn't even that cold…it was just very very lonely. I decided I would get out my phone and let Cook know that I had arrived 'home' safely, I was sure he would be worried and Emily had probably attacked him for information by now. Clicking my phone out of my pocket I noticed just how many texts and calls I had missed on purpose last night and all through today. Fourteen messages and eleven voice-mails, well wasn't I fucking popular…I fought with myself to just delete them but I was completely curious as to what Emily had to say. They were all pretty much the same 'I'm so sorry…I love you…where are you...we need to talk…' but the last one I came to made my stomach turn slightly and my fists start to clench.

_Please…Naoms…I was drunk, it didn't mean anything, please just fucking let me know you haven't done anything stupid – Please don't give up on us. xxExx_

I wanted to reply with anger, ask her what on earth gave her the idea that she was worth doing something 'stupid' over…but instead I replied calmly and completely rationally, forgetting every ounce of emotion that ran through my veins.

_Fine…nothing happened…thinking. But Ems, Hun, you gave up on us the moment your lips touched hers. _

No kisses, no fluffy 'beat round the bush' type language, just a straight shot to the heart that summed up exactly what I was feeling. Pushing Emily to the back of my mind momentarily, I phoned Cook, smiling as soon as I heard his voice on the other end of the phone.

"Hey babes, you make it ok?" However bouncy he attempted to sound; he couldn't hide the hurt in his tone. Six words and my stomach had already knotted with missing him, I should have just asked him to come with me, but that would have defeated the point somewhat.

"Yea, just walking back to the apartment…wanted to let you know I'm ok. Hard as nails right?" He chuckled slightly before sighing into the phone.

"Too fucking right, Naomikins, too fucking right." He paused; I knew he had something else he was going to say as he filled the encroaching silence with a clearing of the throat and a very heavy breath.

"Just take it easy yea? And don't be pushed into anything when she does get back…I'm going to miss you babes, but get to fucking thinking…and phone me tomorra!" We said our goodbyes briefly and I was left with a saddened smile, a few tears rolling down my cheeks for confirmation as I made my way to the door of our apartment.

I searched for my keys, one pocket, then the other, my jacket, then my bag, my satchel and then through everything again. My mind whirred back to the last time I had had them, way back before all the shit started…I had thrown them down on the sofa when I had walked in on…_FUCK SAKE! _My keys were inside the fucking apartment, I had no way of getting inside, sometimes my genius amazes even me. I slid my back down the fixedly closed door until I hit the floor, hunching my knees up against my chest and breathing out all the frustration that had built up in me. Searching through my pockets again, as if the keys were going to magically reappear, I found that I had exactly nineteen pounds to my name…not even enough for a fucking locksmith.

I thought about going back to Katie's, but that wouldn't do much good, I had taken in the spare cactus key because we were leaving the country and she didn't want to leave it out. So even if I could walk the distance with all my crap I still wouldn't be able to get into the fucking flat. I was completely stranded, the neighbours had always ignored us because we were loud…oh and gay. _Homophobic fuckwits._ I had no friends really in the area, all of the new Uni friends I had made moved on as soon as they had their degree tucked away and I hadn't really heard from them since. I debated slumming it at the office, but I figured even that would be locked what with my cunt of a boss not wanting anyone to read our 'headline articles' before print. There was nowhere I could go; I was just going to have to do my thinking out here, in the middle of the hallway, in the surrounding cold night air. _Or was there..?_

Nineteen pounds should be enough so I called for a taxi, using the last of my phone battery in the process…it was going to be my final hope, and I already thought there was no point in even trying. I waited until the lights from the cab illuminated the car park and was relieved that she got out and helped me with all my shit. I was completely fucking knackered, so I practically fell into the back seat and muttered the address under a very heavy breath. She nodded and smiled into her mirror, I managed a brief smile back and thought how nice it was to see a female taxi driver, the feminist within me approved but I was far too tired to voice my opinion.

I didn't bother to look out of the window during the seemingly never-ending journey, there was no point, everything was dark and dimly silhouetted against the street lights. I just ended up staring at the leather, tracing my fingers over the headrest in front of me, swirling circles and doing anything I could to take my mind of where it was I was going. A handful of miles had taken an eternity, but as the taxi pulled to a stop, I found myself wishing that they had taken longer. I bundled my crap out of the boot, thanked and paid the driver and started preparing myself for something that I never thought I would willingly do…again.

Knock on Jenna Fitch's door.

The lights came on immediately and I heard bustling behind the glass as an exceedingly tall shadow fiddled with the chain. A very grown up James Fitch opened the door, eyeing me up and down before raising his eyebrows and looking as though all of his Christmases had come at once. _Fucking perve!_ I waited patiently, assuming that he would either invite me in or shout his mum so that she could gloat at me for looking like complete shit. Nothing happened; his beady little eyes just wound their way over my body for the millionth time before he winked at me. It made me gag, even though he had admittedly grown up quite 'cute'…well he must have had good genes, he shares that with Emily at least…but he still repulsed me. _Slimy little shit. _

"James…are you going to stop staring at my tits long enough to go get your mother?" Hostility probably wasn't my best option here, but it wasn't him I needed to be almost polite too. I swallowed down the thought that all I would have to do would be to flash a little bit of skin at him and he would invite me in without question.

"MUM…" He yelled before disappearing back into the front room, in the few moments it took for Jenna to obviously make her way off of the sofa I had time to reflect. I had been invited to a few family dinners round Emily house before we moved in together, all of which had been eaten in pretty much complete silence. Adding it up, I think I had uttered maybe no more than one hundred words in the six years Emily and I had been dating. I was interrupted from my train of thought as the thick dark hair wound round the corner and promptly froze, brown eyes staring into my baby blues. Pushing everything else to the back of my soul I managed the sweetest smile I could muster, which even I knew must have looked completely false. She took two further steps towards the door, treading carefully, as if she didn't want to frighten me away or give me chance to run before she caught me in her web of yelling. I half expected her to slam the door in my face and leave me out in the increasing cold, but she didn't, she just leant against the frame and waited…assumedly for me to speak.

"Hello, Mrs Fitch, sorry to intrude…but Emily and I have had a row, I came home from the wedding but have misplaced my keys, is there any chance I could stay here. Just until Emily or Katie comes home." I swiftly added the last few words to make it seem completely innocent and that I would be out of her way in a few days and that she really didn't even have to know I was there. Besides looking at what I actually had planned; it was two days of sitting, staring and above all…thinking. I figured that I probably shouldn't have mentioned that I had already been involved in a tiff with Emily, but I hoped beyond hope that even Jenna wasn't heartless enough to leave someone freezing in the cold all night. Even if that someone was me.

"Come in Naomi…" She stepped away from the door and even helped me with one of my bags as she showed me to what I presumed used to be Emily's room. Even through all the kindness she was showing there was no was in hell she was going to let me taint another bedroom. My eyes stung with tears that I absolutely couldn't cry in front of Jenna but composure was getting more and more fucking difficult.

"Have you eaten, do you want anything?" Jenna's voice was soft and calm, I was expecting her to shout and scream at me as soon as she got me alone…or maybe even something worse. But her voice didn't raise one bit and I could swear she sounded genuinely concerned. I just shook my head as I sat down on the edge of the bed, there were still some posters up on the wall and a smile crackled over my lips and my attention focused on 'Blondie' so many memories were attached to that one name. She seemed to take the hint far too well that I wanted to be alone, so she dropped the bag that she was carrying and flicked on the side table lamp so I wasn't in complete darkness before leaving and shutting the door behind her. I hunched my knees up into my chest and started rocking gently against pillows, swearing that after her long absence I could still smell Emily in the room. I let a tear roll down my cheek in light of the thought that it seemed like I couldn't escape her, no matter how hard I tried. The last thing I heard was Jenna shouting something at James along the lines of 'leave her alone James or there'll be hell to pay!' Before I melted against the warm sheets and everything faded to darkness.

*

I woke up, sunlight echoed around the walls and I noted that somehow during the night I had tangled myself in the sheets. I glanced over at the clock and found the time to be just gone eight, _what is it with me getting up fucking early all of a sudden? _Deciding it was probably something to do with my new work schedule I brushed myself down before silently making my way down the stairs in search of my morning elixir. I assumed the house would already be awake, what with Jenna still working in a beauty salon that was twinned with 'Let's get Fitched' and James still finishing off his A-levels…Monday morning signalled for an early start. I was half right, James seemed to be up and gone, fuck, he was far more enthusiastic about college than I was…school was lucky if I rolled in around noon. Jenna however, was bustling around the kitchen, busying herself tidying things that already looked pretty fucking tidy, figured she was probably doing anything she could to put off waking me up.

I just stood in the doorway for a few stolen moments watching her and smelling the air slightly to see if it contained a hint of what it was I craved. Jenna noticed me and almost immediately motioned for me to take a seat at the table that looked out into the quaint little back garden. For the first time in a long time, I did exactly what I was told and pulled out a chair, crossing my legs underneath the table. She turned her back to me, but the smell gave away what she was doing and before I knew it I was indulging in sweet coffee, staring out into the garden, watching the sunlight glisten off of the dew dropped grass.

"I think you owe me an explanation at least…don't you?" Jenna broke the silence and I stared at her for the briefest of seconds before returning my gaze to the scene out of the window. She was completely right, I did owe her an explanation, but in re-telling the story I realised that I probably didn't have to tell her every fucking little detail from start to finish.

It took me just over an hour to pour my heart out to the Fitchmonster, each passing word made me feel like it was going to make her burst…make her start shouting and screaming at me. But it didn't, in fact she just sat there, letting her own coffee go utterly cold, listening intently to every word I had to say. When it was all over, I sighed, firstly at why I couldn't manage to let my emotions escape to Cook and secondly because the release felt brilliant. But Jenna just sat there, staring at me, with something that resembled tears welling up in her eyes; _fuck me sideways with a rubber duck, she actually fucking cares. _

"So what are you going to do?" She managed a brief and completely useless question through cracks in her voice, she didn't manage to look me in the eye but I hoped that was because she didn't want me to see her weaken.

"I have absolutely no idea…I love her, but it shouldn't hurt this much to love someone…should it? And what is with all the uncertainty, I thought love was supposed to be the most certain thing in our rotten lives." I looked up at her, almost forcing her eyes to meet mine, a silent way of making her take note that this conversation was actually happening and even though we both would probably never have believed it – we were actually bonding. It took a while for everything to sink in, she drank down her now stone cold mug of coffee and fiddled with the handle for a bit whilst thinking of presumably what she was going to say next…or kill me with. I fucking prayed it was the prior and thankfully she took the deep breath that signalled her return to the conversation.

"Nothing is ever certain Naomi, everything has a fifty/fifty chance…it either will or won't happen. You just have to trust that you are strong enough to deal with the worst case scenario…" She paused glancing up at me for some kind of reassurance to continue. I didn't move, I couldn't, she was making sense and most of all she was actually caring about it.

"…And as for Emily, I lost her because of my inability to accept something major, and that hurts more than anything. Don't make the same mistake; don't lose her because of something that you don't think you can understand and accept." I was crying, after everything she had put Emily through, it still hurt her so much to think that she had pushed her own daughter away. I opened my mouth to speak but was cut off by the phone promptly ringing, rather loudly from the front room. Jenna wiped the tear that had almost crept down her cheek away before it had chance to fall, screeching the chair backwards and walking in search of the phone.

Silence wrapped around me the second I assumed she picked it up before the ringing was replaced with muffled voices emanating from the front room. I was left alone with all the thoughts that had been woken up in me, and the new ones that Jenna had managed to add to the fray. I closed my eyes, mind filling with the inescapable picture of Emily kissing that trollop, but maybe that was her release…maybe that was just her way of dealing with me not being able to tell her that I really didn't think marriage was the way forward. Maybe she needed to find solace in someone else. All the maybes needed to fuck off, I guess I knew what I needed to talk to Emily about…when she came back. I sighed and allowed half a content smile to creep onto my face, at least my own mind was beginning to clear, hopefully that meant I was well on the way to being able to talk honestly with Emily about everything. I saw Jenna's reflection return in the French windows, I turned around quickly in my chair to question the silence, but was met with tears. I stood and walked over to her, begging her with my eyes to tell me what the fuck was happening. She gazed at the floor.

"It's Emily, she's in hospital…it's critical…"

**I feel like I shouldn't say anything here, just leave you with your thoughts…but I'm going to say something anyway! :D**

**Y'all know what to do – review – lol it really makes my day! **

**As for people who don't understand why Emily 'cheated' by kissing Mandy, guess all I have to say is once again it felt like something I would do…find comfort in someone else in the light of hearing your girlfriend scream that she never wanted to marry you! Also that and SHE WAS PISSED!! I also wanted Emily to be in the wrong, guess it just offered a fresh change for me…so far it has been Naomi doing all the running! :D**

**Love you all! **


	15. Chapter 15

**Sorry about leaving the last chapter the way I did – not sure what everyone is going to think of this one but have a little read! :D**

**Enjoy…**

Jenna made me take a shower before we did anything; she said she would pack up the car ready, so that as soon as I was vaguely dry we could leave. I'm not entirely sure how I managed to actually function; I usually just crumbled and cried to myself in a dark room. But something gave me the strength to just do it, I wondered if it was still Cook's essence of strength resonating over me…really however I knew it was just my need to get to her side.

I was completely fucking knackered, running on around four whole hours of sleep from the past three days, but Jenna was right, the shower had helped…I felt refreshed and ready to face anything; except the possibility that at any second I could lose Emily for good and that the last thing I had 'said' to her was something born out of anger and depression. I had no emotion left, I was just completely empty, with my brain running round in ever decreasing circles; zoning in on one heart rendering thought…I might never see her eyes again, or her smile, or the crinkle of her nose when I do something hilarious. I might never hear her voice, I might never feel her gasp against my skin but most importantly I might never get to tell her just how much I love her. Suddenly everything seemed so fucking trivial and I just needed her in my arms.

The journey was tense, awkward and silence surrounded us, creeping into every space and settling…showing that conversation was impossible. We both knew what was going on in each others heads, silent glances of reassurance were all that were called for. Just reminding us that no matter how we felt, we were in no way alone. I would have slept, but I couldn't bear to leave Jenna facing the ridiculously long journey back to Bristol by herself. So I just stared out of the moving window, at all the colours I had seen the day before, at how even in the pristine sunlight; they all now just looked black.

Seven and a half hours, I didn't move an inch, my head was still propped up on my hand, my legs were still crossed and I don't think I had even blinked. We had stopped at the services twice, Jenna needed to stretch her legs but I had stayed put…I felt like as soon as I attempted to stand I was just going to collapse. I was moments away from a complete fucking breakdown, I guess I was just scared that a single movement could tip me over the edge and I would be no use to anyone. Emily needed my strength right now, that's the only thing that was keeping me going. I didn't notice when we pulled into the car park, I didn't even notice as Jenna got out of the car and opened my door, I was completely in a trance.

"Come on love, she needs you…" I snapped my attention to Jenna, she was managing a smile which I attempted to reciprocate but I'm sure it looked completely strained. I nodded whilst reaching down to unhinge my seatbelt, stepping gingerly out of the car I took a deep breath as my legs managed to hold me. I just looked at the entrance, fear and horror worming out through my expression, so much so that Jenna put her arm around me and started to help me forwards.

"I can't…" My voice quivered, and I felt like even breathing was impossible, I was broken…no use to Emily in this state. I collapsed down the wall that shadowed the door, allowing the course brick to scratch against my back, making me bleed almost certainly. I just needed to fucking feel something. Bleeding just to know I was alive. Jenna didn't push me she just reached for my hand, squeezing it gently, making me believe that she would be right back before running to be by her daughter's side. I couldn't bear to see Emily weak, with all of those tubes pumping God knows what into her bloodstream, and the incessant beeping. It would all be too much.

I wrapped my hood over my head and curled myself into my knees; it was taking everything I had left just to keep breathing. The sudden darkness I found myself in was a comfort at least, enabling me for the briefest of moments to believe that nothing else existed. I was falling, I had been swimming amongst the stars without fear, and now I was plummeting rapidly back to earth. I guess falling is the worst part, just the knowledge that the impact will kill you, I just hope I managed to catch myself because despite what I had thought yesterday…Emily was and always had been worth doing something 'stupid' over. If I lost her I am pretty sure I would welcome death.

I felt an arm wrap around my increasingly tense shoulders and I felt warmth spill over from the person now sitting next to me. I didn't have to look up at how it was; his comfort and resounding strength told me all I needed to know. That and he hadn't spoke, hadn't asked me the stupidly obvious question of 'was I ok?' He just wrapped me up and gave me the link back to reality that I so desperately needed…I wasn't alone. He held me as I cried, letting me just shake off all of the immediate emotions that I hadn't been able to release. He was probably getting fed up with allowing me to cry but he didn't show it, just laced our fingers together and traced his thumb over my knuckles…making absolutely sure I knew he was there. I'm not sure how much time passed, but my tears had subsided and I was just playing with the string from my hood, trying in earnest to give myself half the amount of courage I needed to go and face Emily.

"Naomikins…babes, you ready?" Cook's voice startled me more than I thought it would, I knew he was there and I knew he would eventually speak but I still jumped slightly against him. He held me tighter, making the scratches that had now sunk into my back scream with pain, I swallowed slightly at being able to feel, but crooked half a smile into his very worried eyes. Cook didn't believe me for a second and pushed a firm kiss onto my cheek before brushing my hood off of my head and standing up…offering me his hand to do the same. He was my pillar of strength, when I didn't have Emily anyway and at that moment he knew I needed him more than anything. I saw the muscles in his arm bulge as he pulled me to my feet, I presumed I was a dead weight as I wasn't even sure I could hold myself upright.

Cook held me up, supported me round every corner towards the ICU, and every time he felt me strain to turn and run he would just whisper something at me…about Emily never giving up, gradually making me believe that it was going to be ok. The pristinely white halls and the annoying smell of sanitising gel made me physically wretch. I hated hospitals, hated the way everything looked so flawless but really it was just a cover up for all of the sickness and death that resided within the walls. I ended up staring at the tatty yellow converse that encased my feet, converse that I had stolen from Emily, allowing Cook to just guide me to where I needed to go. I only looked up when we stopped, firstly in a lift, allowing my eyes to wonder over the cool metal walls until the door screeched open…and secondly to see everyone just sat there, cuddled up into each other trying to hide their eyes.

Cook removed himself from around me, dropped a swift kiss onto Katie's lips and just gazed through the little slither of glass on the door that I assumed held Emily. Katie got up and crossed the distance between us insanely quickly, promptly slapping me hard across the face as soon as she was close enough…I knew a red hand print was well on the way but I couldn't feel it. I was still too numb; the only thing other than emptiness I could actually note was the dull ache that had settled into my back. Her tear filled eyes met mine as she threw her arms around my neck and cried into my chest, I rested my chin gently on her shoulder and locked my arms round her back. Cook seemed to gage that supporting someone else really wasn't what I wanted to do, so he kindly removed Katie from squeezing every last ounce of energy out of me, sitting her back down on his knee. I guessed from her noticeable absence that Jenna was in with Emily and I felt like after everything she had said to me that I should give her at least a few moments alone with her daughter before I came barging in again. Although I was certain that if I didn't do it soon I wasn't going to be able to without a serious push. But I waited, patiently, sat next to Cook and Katie, listening to the wind rush past the window at the end of the corridor.

My hands busied themselves tapping random rhythms on my knees; Mel had come and sat next to me, draping an arm over my shoulder, not mentioning anything about the wedding or how she should really be on her honeymoon. Everyone was here for Emily, disregarding everything else and making me feel suddenly so pathetic about how much effort it was for me to come up here, when they had dropped so much to do just that. I smiled as thankfully as possible and leant into Mel's shoulder, she just kept whispering that everything was going to be ok. I wanted nothing other than to believe her.

Jenna eventually opened the door and stepped back out to face us, fallen tears eminent on her cheeks, eyes telling more of a story than anything. _Jesus, was it that bad? _She took one solid breath and addressed us as a group.

"Ok, everyone up, coffee is on me…" Everyone did exactly what they were told, probably too tired to argue anyway, I started to get to my feet but she just shook her head at me before hugging me tightly.

"No, you needed to do this alone…be brave…" She whispered in my ear before following everyone down the corridor and towards the number of coffee shops I'm sure we passed on our way up here. The surrounding silence was broken with the beating of my heart in my ears, and my three solid footsteps to the door labelled 'ICU Bed 17.' I just stared at the knotted pine, tracing my fingertips down it slightly before my eyes rested through the glass on the bottom of the bed I could just about see. The two little indentations where I assumed her feet resided were enough to make the knot in my stomach tighten and my hands to start shaking violently.

_Come on, hard as fucking nails right…she needs you, pathetic idiot! Get in that room NOW!_

My brain was screaming at me, I pushed the door open and took a step inside allowing it to swing shut behind me before I moved another inch. The curtain was half pulled around so I still couldn't see everything, but the beeping, the beeping that told me in some way she was still alive…was enough to make the tears start to fall. I clenched my fists and screwed my eyes tightly shut before taking my last deep breath and making my way around the curtain.

She was completely still, tubes everywhere, in her tiny but perfect hands, down her throat, up her nose; no part of the beauty of Emily remained undisturbed by technology. It took a while for me to realise that her chest was still moving with each breath, she just looked so…broken. Her eyelids didn't flutter and her fingers weren't twitching with the dreams she usually has, for all intense and purposes she was functioning by machine. I fell to the floor, unable to hold myself up, unable to even make my way to the fucking chair…I just collapsed where I had stood, rocking against wave after wave of burning tears, wishing that there was something…fucking anything that I could do. My chest was heavy with everything so that each breath I attempted to take was a physical strain, the air burnt down my throat and I found myself gasping in between breathless absence.

I had never cried so much in my life, but at that moment, I couldn't think of doing anything else. Nothing made sense without Emily, so I just sat there; rocking on the cold hard floor of possibly the worst fucking room I have ever been in. I don't know how far I fell or how long I just sat there hugging my knees carefully disintegrating. But it was long enough for my tears to slow and for me to regain some form of steady breathing pattern. The aching numbness had now been replaced by every single inch of my body screaming with the pain my head obviously no longer wanted to hold.

I leant up against the bed, head crashing into the metal that held Emily precariously off of the floor and straightened my legs out in front of me. I stayed there for no more than a few moments before a surge of strength came from somewhere deep inside me, something almost supernatural and I managed to lurch to my feet before falling back into the chair. Closing my eyes for the last few stolen moments before regarding Emily properly and my chest started heaving again.

Her already pale skin seemed to be flushed of all colour; leaving it white, her perfectly red hair seemed faded and I couldn't see her eyes…her deep drowning eyes were as lifeless as the rest of her. I stared at her, willing for her eyelids to flutter open, wishing for her mouth to crack into a smirk and wanting nothing other than to hear her say my name. A nerve in my leg had gone, causing my leg to jump up and down, up and down, I found myself trying to focus on anything other than the resounding truth that lay in front of me. But it was impossible.

"Naomi Campbell?" A strange voice made me jump, the white coat signalled that he must be important and every reflex I had told me to stand. His eyes met mine with the same look I always get when someone announces my name for the first time before he put the clipboard down next to his hip and took another effortless breath before he spoke.

"My name is Dr Murphy, now Emily came in suffering a severe overdose and mix-match of drugs in her bloodstream. We pumped her stomach and gave her a blood transfusion to try and stop any chance of brain damage and heart failure. We thought we had everything under control but then she arrested, now we resuscitated her and have managed to get her stable…for now I'm afraid it's a waiting game. She may have suffered severe and irreversible brain damage…and I'm sorry to have to inform you that it still isn't a certainty that she will wake up. I'll leave you for a while; if you have any questions don't hesitate to ask…" He smiled over his wired glasses and was gone as swiftly as he had arrived. It took an eternity for his words to sink in, and even longer for my feeble brain to process them into one coherent thought. _She might not wake up…_

I perched myself on the edge of the chair, wondering to myself if Emily could still hear me, whether my being there made any difference…but I had to believe that she could, I had to believe that me being there made all the difference. Now more than anything I needed to be strong enough to believe that she was going to wake up. _She needs you, she has always fucking needed you…_

I reached over and brushed my hand over Emily's, her skin wasn't cold, she still held the warmth of life. I screeched the chair forward until I was mere inches away from the bed, turned it sideways and positioned my legs up next to hers. I made sure that I was as close to her as possible before linking our fingers together and brushing her hair carefully away from her face, pausing as I felt her burning skin under my fingertips. I brought her hand gently to my lips and kissed every knuckle carefully, feeling the tears start to fall again; I closed my eyes and spoke in a whisper.

"Emily, I need to you to come back to me, I need you to open your eyes and tell me that everything is going to be ok. I can't do anything, be anything without you…I am so sorry, please done leave me. My life is nothing without you in it; I didn't mean anything I said. I would never give up on us, I wouldn't have the strength to, please babe, please come back…come back so I can ask you again. Marry me. Be Mrs fucking Campbell, I'm certain, I don't want to exist without you Emily…" I paused, I have no idea why.

"…I love you…"

I think I fell asleep with my head against her shoulder.

**Sorry to keep putting you all through this – but the suspense keeps you coming back for more! :P**

**You know what I want you all to do – REVIEW PLEASE! :D You are so very lovely and really make my day with all the lovely things you say! **

**Love you all as per usual! :D**


	16. Chapter 16

I woke to the movement of the nurse adjusting pillows, and blinked in an attempt to focus…my heart jumping for just a second in the thought that Emily had woken up. She hadn't and every inch of hope within me just sank all over again. The nurse managed a smile at me, obviously noting how completely lost and scared I must have looked.

"I'm Emily's nurse, you can call me Taylor, and I'm just taking out the tube running into Emily's airway. She is breathing on her own now." She continued what she was doing and my heart skipped a beat as her perfect lips now lay seemingly untouched. I swallowed slightly, realising just how dry my mouth was and started wondering how much time had passed and if I had been asleep for long and whether everyone else was still here. I had a lot of question running through my brain but only one that I really needed to ask.

"What chance would you give her? Honestly?" I shook my head, as if she was going to give me false hope…but I sighed as she seemed to shift against the question.

"She seems strong, but medically speaking, it's fifty/fifty. You just have to stay strong. Can I get you some coffee? You look exhausted." I knew her job wasn't to look after me and my falling carefully apart, but I nodded thankfully before running my eyes over Emily again. As soon as the nurse had finished and left the room I took the opportunity to drop a single, slow, flaming kiss onto Emily's lips. Allowing tears to fall from my eyes yet again, before returning myself to the chair and intertwining our fingers…I wiped at the tears furiously just in case someone barged in after being told that I was awake. No one came, except Taylor, who returned with some coffee that I took two sips of before feeling sick.

I didn't eat; I didn't drink anything except the odd cup of water that random members of staff seemed to keep bringing me. I didn't feel the need to use the toilet and I didn't even need a cigarette, they were all things I _could _do if I had wanted. Why is it that the thing you want most is always something that you hold no control over…probably the world's way of smiting us. All I wanted was Emily to wake up and smile at me, something that I could do absolutely nothing about, except keep talking to her through the silence and squeezing her hand gently every so often.

The world seemed to mirror what I was feeling, rain poured, lightning crackled and the thunder rumbled around…a storm that showed my inner feelings. But it meant that I had no knowledge of how quickly or slowly the days were passing. Outside the curtain was continuous darkness, I had no idea whether it was day or night, afternoon or evening. When I woke up for the third time and actually needed to move to use the toilet I was scared of actually travelling outside of the room. So many things could happen when I wasn't there, she could wake up and I wouldn't be there holding her hand; or something worse. Rushing was my best option, but I hoped that someone was still out in the corridor, to stay with her, just in case. Before I left I took off my hoodie and left it next to Emily's hand on the bed, some small part of me that if she did wake up, would let her know that I was here.

I opened the door and judging by the date and time on the clock I had been in with Emily for two days, _fuck_, I wondered how many times someone else had come in to be with her and there I was stealing all of her warmth. Truthfully I didn't really care, I knew they all loved her too, and that it was killing them, like it was killing me…but I really couldn't be without her. Three pairs of eyes shot up as I cleared my throat and Cook jumped up to hug me. I smiled as against his comforting embrace and buried my head into his chest for a few brief moments before breaking the encroaching silence.

"Can you stay with her, I need the loo…" I wasn't sure who I was asking, but both Emily and Jenna seemed to jump off of their respective chairs and followed each other into the room.

Cook showed me where the bathroom was and muttered something about getting me something to eat…I looked weak. As I gazed at my reflection I realised just how terrible I looked, hair everywhere, pale faced and I was still fucking shaking. Splashing some water on my face helped slightly, allowing my eyes to focus more easily and giving me the satisfaction of waking me up. I took as much time as I dared, walking back through the halls, this time looking at some of my surroundings and finding that the ICU was exceedingly quiet and almost more colourful than the dull white ache that resounded over the rest of the hospital. I guess it needed to be, just to add a little more hope if nothing else, the fact that Emily was breathing by herself was enough to give me renewed hope as I walked perfectly quickly back to room seventeen.

Everyone was outside…_why the fuck was everyone outside?_ I started running, crying down the hallway, reaching the room but Cook held me back, didn't seem to let me past, voices rang out…

"Clear…" _Fuck, fuck…no...NO..._

I heard the shock pulse through the paddles, every time my heart thumped against my ribcage. _Not like this…_I was fighting against Cook but he refused to let me go, he just held me tightly and I watched as Katie crumbled into her mum's arms, I couldn't breathe.

"Clear…"

I was punching him, I didn't mean it…I just needed to see her, I didn't want to believe that this was actually happening. She had been breathing by herself, she was getting better. This could not be fucking happening.

"Clear…"

"Fuck sake Cook let me fucking go…" He shook his head and I felt him as he locked his hands, I was completely knackered but I kept fighting to get past him. I didn't care that she probably had a million people round her, pounding against her chest, I just…couldn't bear the thought that the next time I see her she could be…gone.

"Clear…"

It shouldn't be going on this long…she should be back by now, why wasn't she breathing. Why the fuck was she giving up? She needed me, she needed someone to give her strength, I was crying, flailing wildly and pretty sure that I was hurting Cook.

"Emily...I need you! Don't give up!!!" I screamed as I collapsed against him, conceding the defeat that he was far too strong for me to get past. He held me tightly, crushing me against his chest and I felt like I was going to fall to the floor and gracefully die if I heard the doctors give in.

"I've got a rhythm..."

"Blood pressure returning to normal…"

"Well done everyone, we've got her back…" My heart started beating again. I found strength from somewhere and must have taken Cook by surprise as I managed to find a way past him. I wish I hadn't, Emily…my Emily was surrounded by seven people, the tubes were back and I could see blood. I had no idea what they had done to her, I didn't care, she was breathing again…she hadn't given up. But she was still unconscious, through all the people I could see that, her eyelids were still shut firm and she wasn't moving. Never ending tears started to fall again. _I should never have left her. _I ended up blaming myself, I knew it was just an unfortunate coincidence, but I needed to put the blame somewhere and seeing as the only other people I had to blame were those responsible for bringing her back to life…it was all on me.

As soon as the room had cleared I returned to her side, and stayed there. Unbreakably.

*

Three more days passed and still no change, I had left Emily only twice to use the toilet and attempt to eat something, each time returning within no more than five minutes. Thankfully no more unhappy surprises and she kept herself breathing, I even thought I had felt her fingers twitch underneath mine…but I was probably dreaming.

People came and left, each time staying for a few hours, making sure that I wasn't in the room by myself going completely insane. Katie seemed to stay with me for the longest and as the days wore on the more I thought that they were all visiting to check on my health as well as Emily's. But I did love them all for caring. Mel and Effy had thankfully managed to get away on their honeymoon, even though it was tainted somewhat with at least one call a day to ask if there was any change.

It was Saturday morning, nearly a week since everything had got all fucked up yet again, even so I would gladly exchange that moment for this one. The doctor had come round for only the third time since I had been here, telling me that despite everything her vitals were improving somewhat so they were holding out a little more hope. Taylor had also paid a visit, bringing me some coffee; too much cream as usual…just how I liked it, which was proof enough that I was spending too much time here. She had taken pity on me almost immediately and allowed me to use the showers so that if Emily did wake up, her girlfriend didn't look like complete shit; just slightly worried.

"Why don't you go for a walk babes, get some fresh air…" Cook burst through the door, bringing his own chair with him, placing it quietly down at the foot of Emily's bed before meeting my gaze.

"Emilio will be well fucking looked after…"He grinned at me, I missed his smile…fuck I missed just being able to smile completely honestly, what everyone says is right. There is power in a smile, power that for the minute I was lacking. Cook made sense, I hadn't been out of the confines of the dank and dreary hospital since I had arrived and the fresh air would probably do me some good…a cigarette would be nice too.

"Think I will go outside for a few minutes." I glanced at him and noted the proud smile he had on his face, he stood up and hugged me before I left, holding me tightly against him yet with all the care he could muster. Dropping a feint kiss onto my forehead before letting me go and taking the comfy seat next to the bed to try and fill my place; silently understanding that I still didn't want Emily to be alone. As I opened the door I noted that the corridor was empty, I figured that everyone had taken a break or gone somewhere to sleep. I have no idea how I managed it but it didn't take me long to see the sunlight bursting in through the automatic glass doors.

It was a beautiful day, the sun was shining down through the trees that swayed slightly in the comfortable breeze and there were birds singing, making everything seem a lot less shit. I lit a cigarette and inhaled deeply allowing the smoke to roll around every part of me before breathing it out into the azure sky. I saw people walking in and out with bandages, wheeling themselves out in wheelchairs and even running in with a face full of blood. Four long drags later and my fag was thrown to the floor, there was only so much I could take of the world passing by without Emily before I needed to see her again. Part of me didn't want to believe that everything continued in her absence, to me it felt like the world needed to stop turning in respect for the most beautiful person that lay dormant.

Making my way towards the lift, I noted the oncoming pang of nerves in remembering what had happened last time I had left her for this long. As soon as the door pulled open I was running, I knew it was probably me being silly but I just needed to get back to her side and feel her warmth; my own silent reassurance. It took me far too long, but eventually I was running down the corridor, heart beating faster as I saw that there was no one in the hallway…a good sign I guess. I stopped for a deep breath, closing my eyes momentarily as I pushed my way into Emily's room, wanting nothing more than to see her smiling up at me.

"Happy Birthday!" I jumped, and looked around the room at everyone. Cook, Katie, Thomas, Panda, Freddie, JJ, Jenna and…mum. I had completely forgotten about my own fucking birthday…twenty five, wonderful. One by one they hugged me and handed me various cards and presents. I didn't have the heart to tell them that I really just wanted to sit down next to Emily and continue wishing that she would be ok. I couldn't be rude, so we just sat around talking about the past, about the life and times of Naomi Campbell. It was nice but it made me realise just how worthless my life had been before Emily had barged in and started tearing down my barriers…and how shit it would become if she…_stop thinking about it!..._but the cake was nice.

Another hour or so passed; the conversation and banter eventually died down making the people who had other places to be, start to leave…until it was just me and my mum.

"Not the best place to be on your birthday huh?" Mum whispered at me from across the room and I found myself fighting the urge to yell 'she isn't fucking sleeping!' but even though I was filled with nothing but raw emotion, my mum didn't deserve an ounce of it.

"No, but thanks for all of this…" I motioned around the room, at the balloons and colours that despite the utter shit situation, made everything seem more bearable somehow. I slumped back down in the chair as a wave of unrelenting tiredness swept through every fibre of my soul.

"Cook organised it, said you needed a lift, but Naomi…I know it seems hard but I think it's time you started preparing yourself for the worst…" Her voice trailed off as I felt myself glaring at her through unbelieving eyes, if there was one thing I couldn't start doing, it was start thinking that the worst was now a distinct possibility…it had only been five days. _She WAS going to fucking get better, why couldn't anyone see that?_ The silence trembled around us as I returned my attention to Emily's unflinching body, allowing my eyes to wander all over her, draining myself of everything. Mum had never been one for unyielding silences so crossed over the room until she was standing behind me; she was going to ask the stupid question…I could feel it.

"How you holding up sweetheart?" My mum hugged me, allowed her positivity to pour over me, trying to give me some of her belief considering mine had all but washed away.

"To be honest, I've been better…but I just keep telling myself that she is still here. It could have been a lot bloody worse." My mind rolled back to Cook fighting with me in the corridor and how everything seemed to have ended…I physically shook myself to stop my mind wandering any further. Instead I tilted my head back and smiled up at my mum. She didn't believe it for a second and dropped a kiss onto my hair before returning her gaze to Emily.

"She'll be ok…far too much to live for that girl; I'll leave you with her. Call me later ok?" I nodded, whether she believed I would or not was another matter…but I tried to let her know that I wasn't falling apart as much as I had been. I was almost back to full composure even if every time I looked at Emily it all turned to nothing, just another mistruth to give me false hope.

I leant back into the chair and rubbed my hands over my eyes, I was tired, exhausted really; almost as if my twenty five years had crept up on me and beaten me with something heavy. I smiled gently, noticing that even though the cake had been all but demolished the candle still sat on top of what was left. Not a real candle of course, never be allowed one of them in the hospital, it was one of those huge fake ones that ran because of batteries. I picked it up, turned it over and fiddled with the screw in an attempt to turn the power off…as soon as the light failed I made my wish. _I just need her back…_

"Naomi…where am I?" Emily's voice wrapped itself around me, battered me in the stomach and as I followed the sound I saw her eyes staring up at me, I saw her hands start to twitch but more importantly than anything she was smiling a confused smile at my presence.

_Maybe wishes do come true. _

**There was no way in hell I could just kill her! :O – really though, there was never any chance that Emily wasn't going to wake up, but if I had you believing it for even a second…my work here is done! :P**

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	17. Chapter 17

**Ok, firstly I am so sorry that it has taken me so long to get this up! I had some terrible writers block and a lot of shit happening over the past week making it seemingly impossible for me to write ANYTHING!!**

**But a big thank you for all the lovely comments that made me push on – this one goes out to anyone that took the time to comment but particularly HyperFitched (for the amazing story that makes me feel like writing!) and KairiM...thank you for keeping my mind in one piece and helping me to crash through the wall of shitness that is writer's block!**

**Enjoy...**

The look on my face didn't help; a mixture of complete disbelief and utter pain resided in my eyes. Every inch of my body was fighting to retain the overwhelming love and adoration that I held for Emily. I couldn't speak, I was barely breathing and the only thing causing me to move was Emily's outstretched hand. As I felt her fingers link through mine I released the tears that resided deep within my soul. It really is true what people say...you never quite know what you have until that one moment when you lose it. I certainly wasn't fucking losing her again. My mind was spinning so fast that I felt myself becoming slightly dizzy, only managing to steady myself by gazing into her deep brown eyes, still smiling, still completely awake. Still looking confused.

"You're in the hospital; you've been unconscious for a like a week nearly; fuck babe...I was scared." I leant in and as gently as possible allowed our lips to touch for the briefest of seconds. I had to swallow back the urge to kiss her more hungrily as her perfect mouth moved against mine. Everything ached inside me as I had never realised that such as soft kiss could make me feel so much; it was almost as if souls were reconnecting and I melted against her fingertips playing carefully with the back of my hair. Taking a deep breath I managed to pull away, phoning the others as quickly as possible to let them know that Emily was awake but didn't seem to remember much, before returning to her side and dealing with the onslaught of doctors. Her eyes fell when they mentioned the word overdose and she was squeezing my hand so tightly it seemed like she was afraid that I would run away again. My thumb etched its way over her knuckles as a silent reminder that there was nothing that could make me leave, the fucking world could end and I would remain exactly where I was, wrapped up in the attention of Emily Fitch...she was my everything and I was never going to forget it again.

"Fuck sake you little bitch, don't fucking well bloody do that again, alright?" Katie screamed as she launched herself onto her twin, I winced at the pressure she was putting on my already fragile girlfriend, but Emily just seemed to smile despite it all. Both sisters smiled up at me momentarily, before returning their attention fixedly to each other, talking as if nothing had happened...Katie filling in the gaps that had appeared in Emily's memory as I just looked on, still completely stunned that her hand was holding mine and she was undoubtedly awake.

"So you can't remember anything after the ceremony?" Emily shook her head at her sisters persistence, I found myself lost in my own memories of that fateful day, what I had said, what she had done and what I had seen in the cloakroom. Emily had slight amnesia, and I felt terrible for thinking that maybe it wasn't so much of a bad thing considering the shit that had followed the wedding. Maybe it was best if we both tried to forget it, make a new start where we can just be completely in love and forget all about Mandy the bitch, my revelation of not being ready for marriage...and just get the fuck on with living. She would remember eventually, but we could cross that bridge when it came to it.

I realised that I must have just either been asked a question or become the forefront of the conversation as when my focus fell back to reality; they were both staring at me. But Emily was smiling, that had to be a good sign, even if Katie was just looking confused.

"Sorry...um...what?" Emily seemed to chuckle slightly, before coughing, making my heart jump and flashing fear through my brain. She brought my hand to her lips and kissed it gently, a fire erupted through my skin against her lips and I took a deep breath before looking at Katie in a way that asked her to repeat herself.

"I was just telling Ems about your puke-worthy speech...seriously want to make people vomit with cuteness anymore?" We burst into laughter, Emily pulled me in towards her and we shared another soft kiss as the door opened and Jenna walked in; instantly looking like a rabbit caught in the headlights at the lesbian affection. _Maybe she wasn't completely over it just yet. _I managed to excuse myself making some lame excuse about needing the toilet, leaving Emily in the comfort of her family for a few moments alone. Jenna smiled in thanks and I nodded slightly in understanding as I practically ran out of the awkwardness building in the room.

"Fucking Naomikins...told you babe, Emilio...strong as fucking anything." Cook bounded down the corridor and plonked himself next to me, squeezing the air out of me and leaving his arm draped around my shoulders; obviously appreciating the privacy I was giving the family. He waited with me for what seemed like a complete eternity before Katie arrived at the door, motioning for us to go in.

"Cook...be gentle with her please...I would like my girlfriend to remain in one piece..." He just grinned before winking at me and dragging me back into room seventeen. We laughed and joked for almost three hours, time was passing so much faster in the knowledge that Emily's fingers were perfectly intertwined with my own. Every blink that escaped her made everything finally seem ok and I couldn't help but think that it could all be so much worse, I didn't want to let her out of my sight...I couldn't bear to be without her touch. I didn't ever want to feel that losing her was an option, so I was going to wrap myself in every single thing about her...forgetting the world.

*

I hadn't taken my eyes off of her, it had been two weeks since she had been discharged and I hadn't looked at anything else. It must have been slightly annoying, but she was the beauty in my life, I knew that now, I didn't want to look at anything else. Work had given me time off under the rather appropriate title of 'compassionate leave' and my mum and I had been waiting on Emily hand and foot. She didn't like it and kept complaining that she would have to do something sooner or later. Our argument was always that 'later was the best option' and seeing as she was overwhelmed on a vote of two to one...the Campbell's rose victorious. Katie, Jenna and everyone else were always welcome but their visits were becoming less frequent and I was able to wrap Emily up in my own little protective blanket. I knew she was probably getting sick of me, but I still couldn't bring myself to let her out of my sight, I guess I was still far too happy at the fact that she was here, in my old bedroom, smiling.

"Babe, can we go out today?" Emily spoke against my neck and I still found that I shivered uncontrollably; I was finding it more and more difficult to be gentle with her, kisses getting harder and hands roaming with more force. It seemed like she was sharing my frustration as every time I found the strength to pull away; persuading myself that she is still too fragile, she would just look at me with lust filled eyes that just made everything more difficult.

"You sure you're up to it?" Even if she wasn't, she would have lied, she was feeling caged and getting rather fidgety. She snuggled further up into me, making my heartbeat quicken as her hands traced up my spine before pulling my neck towards her for another promising kiss.

"Absolutely, it's such a lovely day...let's just go and fucking sit in the sun somewhere!" I smiled against her lips before conceding defeat, and besides she was right, it was a wonderful day. But I must have still been looking concerned as she continued to kiss up and down my neck, towards my collar bone, muttering about just wanting fresh air that didn't include a fag in my back garden. She was right, I knew she was but it still didn't stop me bricking it.

"Look, no passing out, no blood transfusions...nothing ok...just a fucking walk and a sit down in the park with my fucking hot girlfriend." She was still so adorably sexy when she spoke about me like that, I loved to hear her be possessive of me and as she giggled slightly against my neck, she knew she had her own way. _What can I say...I'm fucking weak against her. _

"Ok...but seriously anything bloody happens, we're coming straight home!" I warned as I removed myself from the comfort of her embrace and started pulling on some clothes. In the past few weeks I had taken to sleeping in underwear, it added a little protection against the growing lust and sexual frustration that I didn't want to unleash upon her until she was fully recovered. Much to both of our disappointments. Emily followed suit and I caught my breath nearly a million times as she wriggled herself into a pair of denim shorts and I managed a glimpse of her perfect figure. I felt like I was eighteen again and had to keep telling myself that I needed to keep it firmly in my pants, whether I wanted to or not...everything would work out, and when it did, it would be fucking worth the wait. My eyes continued to wander over every part of her, nothing remained untouched by my gaze, and she knew it. Twisting her hips elegantly and making absolutely sure that her stomach was still on show as she turned around. She was such a bloody tease sometimes, but the successful smile and slightly bitten lip she portrayed as my eyes met her face were completely worth the agonising feeling of raw desire. She was more beautiful than ever...my mouth was the only thing that ended up dry.

"Right, come on you...stop fucking drooling, you obviously think I am too fragile to fuck right now, so we will go and lie in the sun somewhere and you can deal with your obvious want for my thighs around your face whilst I look at clouds..." I was left with a completely stunned look as she made her way effortlessly out of the door. In fact I was still sat there dumbstruck when I heard conversation erupt between Emily and my rather unimpressed sounding mother, guess she wasn't about to be the soft touch that I was. I let the conversation rage for about five minutes whilst my head cleared of all imagery surrounding a naked Emily before I timidly made my way downstairs to support my red head. As I neared the bottom step I was met with resounding silence, followed by laughter, followed by the kitchen door opening and a rather proud looking Emily smiling at me.

"Well you kids have fun...and don't be too long please; a mother will worry!" Mum's voice emanated from behind the closing door and Emily continued to smile smugly at me, I just shook my head slightly before holding out my hand to take hers and started dragging her towards the door.

She was right, the warmth hit us as soon as the front door opened and I realised how much I had missed the obvious and honest smile that spread across her face. She glanced over at me briefly before taking the first almost tentative steps out into the wild, making sure that I followed by clasping my hand tightly, we started making our way to the park. I could feel the heat resonate off of my skin and the cloudless sky seemed to wash over us with ease, windows were flung open in a vague attempt to catch some of the feint breeze that was making everything comfortable. Some old disapproving woman with a disgusting looking white dog tutted at us as we walked past but Emily pulled me away before I could make a big deal out of it. I was seriously debating turning the dog into some form of handbag and seeing how she liked me now! But Emily's composure flowed over me, and eventually I was over the woman's obvious jealousy...who wouldn't be jealous of me right now? Out for a walk with possibly the most beautiful girl on the planet, who just so happens to be completely in love with me. My brain winced at the remembrance that she still didn't know what had gone on at the wedding and how it could be a completely different story if she did. _Stop fucking thinking about it!_ We walked hand in hand and with each passing second I noticed just how perfect my life seemed at that moment.

The park was peaceful, there were no annoying kids running around, throwing crap at the birds and screaming about it. There were no yappy little rat-like excuses for dogs or handbags running around and shitting in the most horrendous places. The only thing disturbing us from complete silence was the rustle of the breeze through the leaves on the tree we were sitting under and as Emily rested her head in my lap I released a heavy sigh at how damn lucky I was. Her gorgeous face was smiling up at me and I returned the grin without question...utter perfection.

"Babe, I've um...been having flashbacks...to the wedding...something; bad...what happened?" I tried to maintain composure but just ended up not hiding anything and staring across at the lake that shimmered in front of us. I knew that it was only a matter of time until I needed to tell her the truth, but I could not have wished harder for that time to be any when other than right now.

"Naoms...what? Please, tell me...I hate not remembering, all I feel is that something completely shit happened, I have no fucking clue and it's killing me." It hit me; she had been feeling this for a while and obviously hadn't wanted a slanging match in front of mum so dragged me all the way out her to attack me with her thoughts. But she was right; I needed to tell her, needed to be completely fucking open and honest for once.

"I said some things, you got the wrong end of the annoyingly pointy stick and decided to kiss some other girl..." I tried to be as brief as possible and hold back the disapproved tone I knew was almost impossible to hide. But she wasn't having any of it.

"Don't be like that...Naoms, I _need _to know!" She had sat up and was just playing with the grass, pulling lumps of it out and throwing it away again, eyes fluttering around trying anything to avoid my gaze. _Fuck! _

"Ok...I got blindingly drunk with Cook and shouted that I wanted to stay away from marriage forever. You heard me and ran off somewhere and the next thing I knew you were in the fucking cloakroom snogging some girls face off and then I went back to Cook's, got even more trashed, and came home. To Scotland. Found that I had locked myself out of two fucking apartments and ended up looking into the lion's den for a place to stay...your mum however, was actually pretty helpful and remorseful as it turns out and then we got the call to say you had overdosed and were in fucking critical." I realised that I should probably breathe and took a long few breaths before I dared to look and see what kind of a reaction my outburst had caused. Emily was staring at me, unblinking, I could almost see my words rush around in her head as she started to remember. So I continued as quickly as I could before anything had chance to really sink in.

"...I don't know whether you meant to do it, or what, but I know that it scared the shit out of me, knowing that I could potentially, at any moment be completely without you. It was killing me to think that I would never see you again, you are fucking everything to me Emily, and I can see that now...I think I saw it all along, it just never really made much sense until I was forced to imagine a world without you in it. I need you Emily, I always have and I am so sorry it has taken me this long to mean it...but please...marry me?" My breathing was distorted and I realised how desperate I sounded, Emily hadn't moved, she was still running her fingers over grass and reaching out desperately for anything she could make sense of. _So this is how it fucking ends. _

**I really need to stop doing this to you...leaving it in an annoying place. But LOL – it's how I roll so deal with it! :P**

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**Love you all – but you know this already!**


	18. Chapter 18

**Don't hate me too much! :P Oh and this one goes out to MegDemz – your message spurred me on to finish this next chapter! Thanks! :D**

**Enjoy...**

It had been far too long since someone had spoken, Emily was sat looking around at everything and anything that wasn't me, and my own mind was whirring around trying to find something to say that would just make everything seem better. Even the breeze had subsided to make the silence complete and furiously adding to the completely shit situation that I found myself in. I couldn't think about anything except how fast Emily's brain seemed to be spinning to make something coherent out of my babbling. I didn't want her to make sense of it, I just wanted her to say 'yes' so that we could just get on with the rest of our happy lives together. I could feel my heart beating in my ears and my hands were shaking against everything that I was far too scared to actually think of. Every breath that Emily took made me more nervous and as the deafening silence continued I managed to sneak a few stolen glances at her eyes. She was frowning and twiddling the most pathetic piece of grass through her fingers, obviously thinking far too hard about her answer...which was never really a good sign. Every time she opened her mouth and indicted forming a sentence my heart managed to lodge itself in my throat, making it even harder to fucking breath. I wasn't sure whether I preferred the agonising silence or the prospect of Emily actually saying something that I was sure I didn't want to hear.

"You still don't mean it..." Her voice seemed pained as it crashed through the hush that lay gently around us, about which I was becoming accustomed. It certainly sounded better than the crackling and disbelieving voice of the one person I was madly in love with.

"So marriage isn't top of my list of things to do with my life, I would put up with it to be with you..." I was pleading with her to understand, telling her exactly what I was feeling and how much I was completely infatuated.

"I don't want you to have to fucking put up with it; I can't believe that marrying me is something that would have to be endured..." Her voice was raised; she was yelling at me but all I managed to care about was the strain raised blood pressure was having on my Emily. It was taking me far too long to react to her accusations and she got to her feet to start walking away, something that no matter how angry with me she was...I absolutely couldn't let her do.

"Where are you going, Ems? Babe?" I reached out and grabbed her arm tightly before loosening my grip in light of the fact that I was still fucking scared of hurting her.

"Somewhere to think, anywhere away from you..." Every single word cut through me to bare bone, the pain was piercing and my chest seemed to collapse upon itself as she wriggled free of my grasp. My eyes looked disbelieving that she was actually walking away from me, emotions clouded, and then evaporated, growing stronger than ever; before steaming into something resembling anger.

"I can't believe you are walking away, after fucking everything..." Fire flew through the air with my flustered tone and drew her back around to face me, her cheeks gleaming, she looked really tired...but I needed to speak.

"I gave up everything for you, I changed who I thought I was, I left my home, my family, _our _friends, my friends and moved to a new fucking country to be with you. You've awoken so much in me and I don't ever want it to sleep again...I DONT FUCKING BELIEVE IN MARRIAGE...after the strength and maturity I have shown throughout our relationship, after every ounce of pain we have suffered together...you are walking away because of something I can't understand or believe in?" I'm not sure whether it was a question I wanted her to answer, but I knew that I didn't want her to go. The only thing I had been sure of for a long time was the fact that Emily Fitch was the only thing keeping me sane and that without her my life would well and truly just be a dark blotch on existence. But she was just staring at me, her eyes burning deep into the resonating anger that wallowed within me now, I don't think I had ever been angry at her before. We had gone through so many emotions and I am more than positive she had been livid at me before now. But not me, I had never been infuriated by her; until the exact moment that I knew I should be showing some sense of calm.

"Look at the examples of marriage that I have had...none of them worked, not one! I don't want to put the strain on us, love isn't something that needs to be proven, it's just something that...is. Something that is so pure and so flawless that nothing need define or confirm it; other than me telling you that I fucking love you every single day for the rest of my life...why can't you let it go?" I was ranting and I couldn't help but feel that every sentence I uttered was another nail in the coffin that now encased us both. I was failing and Emily didn't seem to want to help make anything any better. I needed her to hold me tightly and say that we would get over it, tell me that marriage was just something that she would learn to live without. But she didn't. Her eyes just continued to flutter uselessly over my body, avoiding my piercing blues at all costs, hands twitching by her sides as she attempted to think of anything she could say to turn this round on me.

"You fucking cheated...then lied about it...then didn't bloody fight for me! Marriage was supposed to be our way of putting everything shit behind us...making me believe once and for all that we were on the same page...but no...That's fucked up too...right?" Everything ached and absent tears trembled over flushed cheeks, reminiscing about the few forgotten moments of happiness that resided between endless amounts of shit.

"You know what...FUCK YOU! If you are going to use every mistake I have made and paid for as some weapon to bring up every time you don't get your own way...then just go. You've already made up your mind about this whole thing, nothing I can say or do will make anything any different." I half hoped that she would stay and argue with me, just to have her close, but that was just a distant dream...one that hopefully, someday soon, she would let me fall back into.

I'm sure my heart broke as her chestnut eyes blinked one last time before she turned around and started taking the hopefully never ending steps away from me. I was falling again, but this time I was damn sure I would catch myself before anything happened, before I was smashed back down to earth.

"You asked me to be brave once, I've been nothing but brave for you through moments of my own weakness...you also told me not to give up...I'll be waiting for you...I will always be fucking waiting..!" I shouted after her as my attention remained fixedly on her now almost brown hair and I hated myself for seeing her painted almost ordinary. She had always been magnanimous to me, someone that would look completely breathtaking in a paper bag...my Emily, the girl of everyone's dreams, even if they didn't know it. But now, she was still and always would be the love of my life, however at this moment, she was just someone who despite everything; refused to understand me.

My legs remained strong, my chest remained lumbered with heavy breaths and I only allowed a few tears to caress my cheeks. I didn't collapse, I wasn't shaking uncontrollably...I held myself perfectly still, making my own crap thoughts disappear as I watched her leave.

*

All her stuff had gone when I had eventually returned to mum's three hours later; she told me that Emily said she was going home...to spend some time with her sister. Mum also told me that I was a twat for just letting her walk away, but after everything she did just hold me as all my thoughts came rushing back and I finally permitted myself to see just how fucking terribly everything had descended.

Finally I returned 'home' to the shitty little memory ridden apartment that lay desolate from the absence of Emily. Days turned to weeks and I still had heard nothing, a few fleeting texts from Katie were all that uplifted the realisation that Emily was ok. I returned to work and couldn't seem to write anything that didn't involve failed relationships and marriage statistics. Not that my boss gave a shit what happened in my personal life, only calling me into his office to say that my new 'I hate everything' attitude was selling like hot cakes. Apparently there is nothing better than a pissed off writer to sell more copies of a newspaper..._just fucking great._

I didn't go out, I couldn't socialise, I found that as soon as my working day was over I would just crunch myself up into a tiny ball on Emily's side of the bed and wish my days away. Every single scenario I could think of had never lead to me being this close to a life with Emily before literally throwing it all away. I lay in the darkness for hours, telling myself that I was a fucking cunt, figuratively beating myself with personal abuse before finally relishing in the realisation that I was honest...and Emily didn't seem to fucking care anyway. But I still missed her like crazy; I almost hated the way she made everything seem so much more bearable just by being around. I'm pretty sure I would have hated her for it if I wasn't damn positive I loved her so much, her effect on me was astounding. Frankly it was killing me to be away from her, but I knew she needed space and the time to think through everything that now had been released.

My phone vibrated through the blackness...

"Hello..." Fuck looking at who was calling at this stupid hour in the morning, it was the only rush I managed to get now anyway...the excitement of answering my phone without first ruining it by reading the caller display. _Fucking sheltered life I have without her..._

"Naoms you fucking slag...been trying to get hold of you for hours!" Katie's voice rang through the night and shivered down my ears, her tone causing me to sit bolt upright.

"What's happened?" The only reason I could think of Katie Fitch calling me at ridiculous o'clock in the morning was that something terrible had happened. I wished that Emily was safe.

"Relax, don't get your knickers in a bunch, nothing has happened...Emily's asleep and I am fucking sorting out her mess!" I frowned into the phone before tutting at the stupidity of actually making a facial expression towards a piece of technology...it can't fucking understand you!

"What are you talking about? It's far too early or late for riddles Katiekins...spell it out for me yea?" I was yawning innately and wanting nothing more than to curl back up into Emily's pillow and pass out until the sun pierced through the bland curtains on yet another fucking shit Saturday morning.

"Emily you tosser, she fucking misses you, has nightmares actually...keeps yelling in her sleep about you not being worth doing something stupid over and then wakes up crying. Don't know where she gets such shit." I recalled the horrible text I had sent her the night before she had been admitted to hospital suffering from the overdose. Then I remembered how happy I was that she woke up and allowed me to wrap myself in every single fibre of her being, never wanting to let her go. Then my mind flashed back to Katie's words.

"She walked away from me Katiekins, she can't take the fucking high ground on this one...I poured my heart out and she still left me standing there, completely afraid of never seeing or hearing from her again." I listened as the twin on the other end of the phone sighed gently whilst the cogs turned in her attempt to think of something else to say.

"Personally I think you are both as bad as each other and need your heads banging together or some shit...but talking has got to be a start...huh?" Bless Katie for trying, I had never once imagined that at some point she would be the only remaining link between Emily and me, a true representation of how everything changes and just how crap this situation must be.

"Maybe we have just grown up too different?" I whispered, thinking that if she didn't hear it then I definitely didn't say it or admit to everything that fucking scared me in the first place...that losing her would end me completely.

"Bollocks, you two are made for each other...even our fucking mother can almost see it now! You need to sort this shit out before I'm made to do something I regret...like care!" I loved Katie so much sometimes, and even though I wasn't sure how talking everything through again was going to help. It couldn't hurt us anymore. We were already tit deep in fucking shit decisions and pathetic excuses and reasoning that nothing could possibly get any worse.

"Fine...I'll come over tomorrow but; don't tell her." I could almost hear Katie's smug and victorious smile on the other end of the phone. I hated letting her win, but I was willing to try anything that had even the slightest chance of ending with Emily in my arms again.

"Good...make it for noon; and for fuck sake, dress nice!" With her few last transitory words, she was gone leaving me once again in the dull, empty darkness waiting for the morning and whatever the new day would bring.

**So um yea...please don't hate me too much but I guess it wasn't in me to just let Emily say 'yes' when everyone knows Naomi still didn't mean her proposal! **

**REVIEW PLEASE – let me know what you think and whether you do want to kill me for not letting them have their 'happy ever after' just yet! :D**

**Love you all! :D**


	19. Chapter 19

**Have stayed up extra late to get this one finished for you all! Thank you so much for the overwhelming response to the last few chapters...you all make me so happy I continued with this! :D**

**Anyhoo – Enjoy!**

Sunlight blinded me as I opened my eyes from the blissful escape of sleep, just another almost painful reminder that the world kept turning despite all the shit. Emily, in spite of her continued absence was everywhere. Her smell, some of her clothes and even the fucking puke green bedspread that I was surrounded in screamed her name. It sucked, but if I was being completely honest, even the slightest reminder that she existed made everything more bearable somehow...even if every breath I took still pained me to the core. I felt completely helpless, being without her hurt more than anything but at that moment I couldn't bring myself to chase her anymore. She had walked away from me and the only reason I could fathom; was that, to her, marriage was everything. And to me...it was a sham. Even the morning coffee I indulged in as per, tasted shit without her to laugh at how relaxed it makes me. The things you miss about people are incredible; usually the smallest and most insignificant things that you never even think about noticing become a microcosm of that person's nonexistence.

I didn't dress nice, skinny jeans that I had completely forgotten I even owned and a baggy vest tee that didn't accentuate anything. I didn't want to make a good impression, I shouldn't need to, in fact as my feet started leading me towards Katie's apartment...I was at a loss as to why I was making the first move. Other than my overwhelming need to get Emily back in my arms, there was no reason and I swallowed back the thought that being without her was almost bearable in the knowledge that it was her that walked away. It was still completely shit; but it was her choice, I had released everything that I had inside me to give to Emily and it seemed like it still wasn't enough. Making it so much more difficult was the knowledge that I don't think I would ever be able to give her the one thing that she so desperately wants above everything else.

I'm not sure which was the worst journey, the one my mind was taking into the empty abyss that I suddenly found myself in. Or, the one my body seemed intent on making towards Katie's apartment despite obvious second thoughts from my fucked up brain. I didn't have an answer; all I could think about was why I was still fucking chasing her? She had made it pretty obvious that the most important thing to her was marriage...not me and yet I was stalking over to face her once again and almost certainly beg her to become my wife. I hated that she made me so fucking weak, I was a slave to the way I felt about her, she was something that I couldn't seem to escape from; even when I actually did want to.

Emily Fitch had made me who I was, she had been my whole world for the past seven years, in that time every single pathetic excuse for an argument we had shouted out; I had taken the high road and apologised for everything...my fault or not. I had never once imagined anything being Emily's fuck up, until now. I had been honest and open for one of the first times in my life and she had thrown it back in my face telling me that I wasn't fucking good enough unless I wanted to give away all the tiniest things that more than definitely defined who I am. I didn't and never would believe in marriage, but she couldn't or wouldn't get off her high fucking horse and just deal with it. I wasn't good enough because I couldn't marry her. This was her mess, it was her turn to be strong and run after me, I knew it...but I was scared to death that she wouldn't try. And no matter how hard I figuratively smacked myself in the head I still felt fucking guilty, I would absolutely never give up on Emily and me; but it was her turn to be strong and fight for it. Even if I was running the risk that she would just give up and wallow in self-pity.

_STOP!_

It was a strain to make myself just cease everything; I stopped, took a stupidly deep breath and made my own brain dazzled with the sudden increase of oxygen. However much it hurt deep within me, I couldn't be a doormat. It was Emily's turn to realise what she was missing and at the same time it was my way of gauging just what I meant to her, I hoped beyond any other fibre of existence that she fought for me.

*

It was a cerulean sky that allowed the perfect warmth of the sun to pierce down upon the grass covered field that I found myself sat in...Contemplating life. I was looking down on the world, thinking almost too deeply and as my brain started to hurt I pulled out a fag and took a few long drags feeling the instant calm wash through my body. I sighed heavily against the happy memories that Emily and me had made here when we wanted to escape her family and university, which was pretty often...until we got our own place at least. I smiled despite it all, every single second that we had spent together, on top of the universe, was happy and I didn't want anything other than to turn around and in some strange coincidence for my Emily to be sat there thinking exactly the same thing.

I didn't turn around, in fact I just sat there drowning in my own thoughts whilst the sun blazed slowly across the sky, showing me time passing, every second making me later and later for Katie's attempt at reconciliation. The only thing that kept disturbing me from my new found, nicotine induced, inner peace was the almost continuous vibration of my phone wedged firmly in the pocket of my jeans. I knew exactly who it was and as the voicemails I was left became gradually more intense I started feeling worse for ignoring Katie. I loved that she was trying to help, but she shouldn't need to, Emily should want to fix this, ignoring the costs...I should absolutely be enough.

Laying back I stared at the clouds, watching as they tainted the perfect sky, leaving a wake behind them as they floated in perfect harmony with the breeze. The sweet smell of grass was rich and I was swept away by the twittering birds and the calming essence of arriving summer. When I closed my eyes I saw the red rays beating down upon me from a high behind my eyelids, I smiled at the colour, remembering a time when it was my entire life wrapped up and described in one perfect shade. Nature surrounded me, the complex yet complete simplicity of the earth, how everything works in such a wondrous manner, nothing is left to chance and everything happens due to a purpose that as yet, remains undefined.

'_We don't have to take our clothes off, to have a good time, oh no...'_ – It was Cook's ringtone, grabbing my phone, sitting myself bolt upright before shaking off the daze I suddenly found myself in, I slid open my phone and pressed it tightly against me ear.

"Cook?" I don't know why I asked for confirmation, caller ID told me all I needed to; I guess it was more a question of his health. I knew it must be pretty serious for him to call, usually he just texted or pranked me to get my attention, meaning that I would undoubtedly phone him back.

"No...It's Katie; where the fuck are you bitch?" Why the fuck did Katie have Cook's phone? The only comfort I took from this bloody awful scenario was the obvious giggle of my best friend in the background. Jesus, he must like her, he couldn't have come to Scotland just to get into Katie Fucking Fitch's pants, although thinking about it, I wouldn't put it past him. Even knowing the softer side to James Cook didn't change the person everyone knew he was...'bag em n shag em Cook' he was a complete twat but I loved him endlessly.

"Are you fucking deaf? I said where the fuck are you bitch...Emily has spent the last fucking ten minutes hugging a stupidly naive cuddly fucking shit fluffy thing that she is crying you bought her from some probably fucking awful place a few years ago. Get your tits here now!" I swallowed the recollection of one of the first complete days Emily and I had spent together, the fucking zoo of all places, it was completely shit, but any day I had spent with her I found held nothing but brilliant memories.

"I'm not deaf Katie, I'm just not coming...if she wants me, she knows damn well where I am." With that I hung up, I didn't care why Cook was there but in that second I missed the comfort of his arms terribly. I almost smashed my phone with the ferocity in which I slammed it to the ground, it wasn't anger; it was the lack of hope contained in the shit situation I seemed to be well and truly stuck in.

I screamed into the air, wings fluttered in escape and a few dogs started barking, shattering the silence for real. My breathing was intense, deep and focused, my head was pounding against the heat, my own thoughts and even the concentration it took to stop myself going over there and yelling towards all of them. I felt completely drained.

Other than tucking my knees up into myself and dragging my hands through my hair a few times, I remained completely motionless. Breaths became shallow and the fumes from my seventh cigarette seemed to help me regain some composure over myself as I allowed the sensation of nature to captivate me once again. Taking me away from everything that had become completely shit and shoving me head fucking first into the absolute purity of life.

*

I'm not sure how long I had been sat, staring at absolutely nothing, wanting the sun to hurry the fuck up and for dusk to swiftly drive me home. Hours, definitely a few, blinking over at my phone to ascertain the exact length of time I had spent washed in everything other than Emily Fitch, I discovered that it was nearly four. It felt like longer, but then again with all the shit I had to think about, maybe that wasn't such a bad thing. The escape was definitely worth the sunburn I was pretty sure would be attacking my bare shoulders tomorrow. _I need a fucking drink..._

Lifting myself up from the rather comfortable position I had somehow managed to wriggle into, I searched the grass for my phone before sliding it back into my pocket and preparing myself mentally for the onslaught of alone time in the pub...on a fucking Saturday.

"Fucking Naomi...Cookie leaves you alone for five fucking minutes and it all goes to shit..." My spirits lifted, I wasn't sure whether I was dreaming or hallucinating or what the fuck was going on. He sat down next to me, his shirt no longer caressing his torso but hanging out of his cropped jeans, spliff perched effortlessly in the corner of his mouth...Cook was perfect.

"So you going to tell me who, when, where and why then Naomikins...or am I going to have to fucking beat it out of you." He punched me playfully on the arm before allowing me to collapse against his heated skin, even though my face got slightly attached to his chest, it was still completely comfortable and I found that I really didn't want to move.

"She left Cook; I told her everything and she still fucking turned and walked away...marriage is the be all and fucking end all, I'm worth shit." Even though I couldn't see his face I'm sure he frowned, I took a breath against his skin and almost chocked on his after shave. _Making a fucking impression are we Cook? _I didn't question his motives, I didn't fucking care, he could have been here to do whatever the hell he wanted. All that mattered was that I was wrapped in his arms and everything, for the moment at least, felt fine.

"Babes, I get it...Emily gets it, but she fucking loves you, give her the chance to tell you...yea?" He handed me his spliff which I took gratefully without a second thought, inhaling the smoke and permitting myself to be taken over by the sensation.

"She's had chances...I'm just fucking fed up with it!" I raised my voice and felt him flinch slightly against the sudden change in my persona; I didn't mean to be angry. But it was the only fucking emotion I had left, Emily had drained me of everything else and I was left with nothing other than elements of blind rage.

"Anyway, why the fuck are you here?" I didn't really care, but anything was better than the ultimately shit direction the conversation had been taking before. I threw the remnants of the spliff away into the grass before crooking my head up to look into his chiselled face.

"Here as in...the middle of a field talking to my best fucking mate, or here as in Haggis country?" I snorted a laugh at Cook's trepid description.

"Both..."

"Well, testing the water for a newly revived red head waiting behind us...and I'm in fucking love with Katiekins...weird shit those Fitch twins, might make you rethink though; you always did see me as the bigger fucking brother." I elbowed him sharply in the stomach before standing and looking behind where we had been sat, the unavoidable sight of red hair and blazing chestnut eyes was in full view. I stared momentarily before returning my attention to the dick head still sat on the ground next to my right foot.

"Too early for jokes then Naomi?" He grinned before jumping to his feet and almost bounding himself down the hill. I watched him until he left my line of sight and the silence between Emily and me had once again descended without warning. Her hair was back to the shocking red that I loved so much, it was piercing and I crooked half a smile at all the times it had been draped over my pillows whilst Emily was screaming for more. Sighing, I gave her indication that it was probably about time she said something, rather than just standing there staring at her shoes.

"I'm sorry...I, uh, got lost..." Her voice was no louder than the gentle afternoon breeze that caressed past us both, but I could still hear her so I nodded; not sure as to whether I actually wanted her to continue.

"It's all fucked right?" She met my gaze and I held it for as long as possible, making her see, forcing her to look upon the consequences that resided so deep in my soul, wanting her to notice just how fucked up I was without her.

"I meant what I said Ems, I'm done, I'm tired and I can't fucking fight anymore. I told you everything that I was thinking and feeling. All you fucking heard was 'I don't want to marry you' and that was it, game over, end of the fucking road. I love you Emily, always have and always will...but love is about compromise and it seems that everything I have given up, meant nothing. The one thing that I ask you to try and do without and you fuck off for a fortnight after being in a coma for a week and don't even tell me how the fuck you are." I stopped, not moving my eyes from hers, hoping that she would find the strength to hold my attention and stare right back at me.

"I was childish and I'm sorry..." She was still hushed, still refusing to look me in the eye and really connect with me and even though I wanted nothing more than to run into her arms I just stayed completely still, playing with the openings to my pockets, a mere distraction against everything about her.

"I gave up everything Ems and when I ask you to rethink one stupid thing...you throw Sofia back in my face, we've both grown up a lot since then, or at least I thought we had." Bitterness was spreading over me; almost as if black clouds started killing the perfect sky that lay above us.

"Maybe sorry isn't good enough..." I finished with conviction, allowing my heart to continue beating as I looked to her for some kind of response. Nothing, so I turned and started walking away as my chest crumbled, my stomach tightened and every fibre of me screamed in a vague attempt to turn around and wrap myself up in her.

"I love you..." Emily shouted after me through tears and I stopped momentarily to capture the full essence of this moment, thinking through a million responses; but in the end, there really was only one...

"I know..."

She didn't follow me...

**So there you have it, another chapter where nothing really happened, but I like to think of it as Naomi growing within herself – making Emily see the reality of the situation and that she certainly isn't a push over! :D**

**You all know what I need you to do! REVIEW PLEASE!! It really does make every word worthwhile to hear what you all think of my creation!**

**As per – Love you all! :P**


	20. Chapter 20

**A giant thank you to everyone who continues to read and review this and may I say that I am loving the marriage/anti-marriage debate that is raging! :D **

**Another chapter down – don't think there are many more chapters left of this story and I am still torn on how to actually end it! But meh – that conversation I can have with myself later.**

**But for now...enjoy! (This chapter goes out to KairiM, for most of the inspiration...and lazyhazy8228, because you forgave me!)**

Home might not have been the best idea I have ever had considering that all the empty spaces made me feel so lonely...actually maybe walking away was the shit idea, the rest is just mere consequence. Emily had apologised, that was something at least, but she hadn't followed me. I scowled at my reflection in the bedroom mirror, at the fact that I was putting her through some kind of unwritten test, it was fucked up and I almost hated myself for my own beliefs. No, I hated that the one time I managed to show strength in my convictions; I ended up losing the only thing that seemed important in my life. But wallowing in self-pity was something that I absolutely couldn't fucking do as I knew that it would end up making everything seem even more shit than it was.

I wanted to despise how I was just letting it all crumble, hate how one of the few times I remained completely firm behind my assurance, I ended up driving her away. But I didn't, everything was changing and I was just standing to one side watching as my own life fucked up right before my very eyes. I felt completely empty and even though every fibre of my heart was screaming at me to 'marry her all-fucking-ready' I just didn't see the point. It seems shallow; surely when you find the love of your life you would do everything in your power to make them happy, even if it means throwing your beliefs down the fucking toilet. But I just couldn't, even though I was doing a pretty good job of losing her by myself, marriage would just make me feel trapped and I remembered what had happened the last time I had tried to escape...Sofia. That would definitely be the final straw; I just couldn't seem to get her to see it that way; all Emily could see was my fear and loathing of the charade that is marriage.

It seemed only the thought of ending this pathetically blown out of all proportions argument we had going and getting my Emily back in my arms seemed to support the argument. _Actually, you know...that does sound fucking good right now. _No, marriage wasn't the answer; it wasn't even the question anymore. After everything Emily was still refusing to just talk it through; she was behaving like a child not getting her own way and it was fucking killing me...I just wanted her to see exactly what she was putting me through and just notice how much everything hurt.

"Naomi...fucking open the door then!" I was interrupted from my momentary lapse in strength by Cook screaming and hammering his hands against the door. I debated playing the 'twat loner' and pretending to not be in, but knowing Cook he would probably kick down the door and end up fucking sitting on me or something. Instead deciding that the best thing for everyone would be to let the beast in; I unlocked the latch. I looked up at him, seemingly incapable of doing anything else, and cracked a little as he looked genuinely concerned. Even after wrapping his arms around me and collapsing in a heap on the sofa he still hadn't broken out into that lovingly comfortable immature grin of his. However much I saw the softer side to James Cook it still caught me off guard that he was so fucking worried about me; but at least it made for silence that didn't seem so lonely.

He draped his arm loosely around my shoulder and rummaged around in his incredibly tight jean pockets for a few seconds before removing his spliff tin and lighting one for me. I took it without question and allowed the effects to take hold of every single one of my senses, I wanted to drown in it and officially become a vegetable so I didn't have to feel anything.

Three spliffs and half a bottle of JD later we were completely cabbaged out, just lounging around on the sofa watching episode upon episode of 'That 70's Show.' It wasted time and allowed my mind to drift into something that made the whole world just disappear. Every so often he flexed his bicep and twitched his arm against my back just to let me know that he was there as soon as I wanted to start talking. We started to make our way through the rest of the bottle of whisky and as the buzz started to fill up all of my body I found that talking about everything couldn't hurt, especially if Cook was too fucked to remember it anyway.

"Marriage is more important than me James, she can't get over it, won't even compromise and fucking talk about it..." I felt him stiffen when I used his real name but it was a quiet reassurance that I was being completely serious.

"Babes, no one can give you any fucking answers, life and love are basically shit...just got to learn to get the fuck over it all." The insanely large grin creased over his face; _finally,_ I smiled back at him before swigging down another mouthful of burning the liquid. I guess he was right, I was asking all the questions that could only be answered by the one person I seemed intent on avoiding. Emily Fitch was destroying me without even fucking trying, her absence was enough to drive me round the bend and back again before crashing me full on into a hedge. My mind started weighing up all the options I had, whether my life was actually worth anything without Emily ended up being the only question that whirred around in my mind. As the silence descended once again my drunken excuse for a brain came to the conclusion that I didn't want to be without her long enough for this fucking question to be answered.

"I have to see her..." I tried to get up but that was rendered impossible by Cook's arms spreading around my hips and dragging me back into the comfort of the sofa.

"No...It's her that needs to fucking come to you, just wait, Cookie knows that she can't fucking stay away from you Naomikins." He smiled at me, handed me the rest of the alcohol before I took a few long swigs allowing the warmth to flow throughout every fibre of my soul. Slowly but surely we just started laughing about everything, even the things that were definitely not funny, but Emily remained fixedly out of my brain until; eventually...I passed out.

*

My head was thumping as I ultimately regained some form of consciousness, there was no light and as the darkness settled I was reminded of everything that fucking sucked. I had no idea how in hell we were going to get through this one. Looking back we had been through so much, Emily and I had always been so strong and everything had been unconditional. Really, communication had never been needed, we knew that we loved each other endlessly and didn't need to convey it; love was just something mutual that existed without the need of proof. I had never thought that it would be me that actually gave up on us, I still couldn't fucking believe I kept thinking that this was the end. But after everything, I couldn't see a way through this one, neither of us seemed able to believe and trust that the other, was all we needed. But more than anything, I just didn't want to lose her; she was my life and whether she believed me or not; always would be.

Cook was snoring at the other end of the sofa, twitching slightly in the blackness and for the briefest of moments I remembered how much I missed just waking up with her. How effortlessly she took every breath in the dead of night and how her warmth surrounded me, making me tingle from head to fucking toe. But afterwards came the resounding truth that I would never be good enough for her because of my incapability to deal with marriage...suddenly it all sounded so trivial.

My body was screaming at me as I wandered into the bathroom, stopping only to hurt myself more by switching on the light. I made the choice between piercing fluorescence or the chance of falling head over tit into the shower; blinding myself seemed like the best option. Fumbling around with my eyes only half open in my vague attempt to make the oncoming headache less prolific I laid my hands on her perfume. Emily's perfume, the scent that used to meet me every night when I came home from work and the grace of her that I said goodbye to in the morning residing in one small bottle. I frowned before spraying some into the air which I regretted instantly, resounding proof that Emily was indeed gone, and I fucking missed her.

"Come on Naomi, Cookie needs a fucking slash!" I managed to break out into half a smile before removing myself from Emily's invisible embrace and flumping back down onto the sofa to miss her in peace before Cook finished pissing. The only thing allowing me to keep myself well and truly stuck in the reality of the whole situation was his incessant whistling, something I could focus on to stop myself from sinking into resoundingly passionate thoughts of everything I loved about Emily.

"Coffee babe?" He asked as he reappeared from the bathroom. I nodded briefly in the illuminated bleakness and Cook shuffled off into the kitchen and flicked on the kettle. I lit another cigarette and watched the flame dance around the room, silhouetting everything black and basking everything momentarily in a slim orange glow. I closed my eyes against it, I couldn't cry anymore or even bear to think about it but that didn't mean I had to pay attention to the fact that she wasn't here.

"You really think she'll fight for me?" I smiled up at him vulnerably as he handed me my steaming mug of caffeinated awesomeness, allowing the smell to vigorously shake up my senses.

"You two were fucking meant for each other, but nah I don't think she will babe...I know she fucking will! Emilio just needs time to adjust to how shit her life is without you. Never find anyone else like you Blondie, just you wait and fucking see." He winked at me through the shadows that were still present due to the light he had left on in the bathroom and I couldn't help but allow myself to smile. Cook was brilliant, through everything he could still make me remember the positive and throw a middle finger up to all the shit that I found myself surrounded in. He was such a strength and always had been, keeping me safe from falling into the seemingly never ending blackness that I was generally running into.

"Damn straight!" I yelled before thumping him hard with a pillow and chuckling innately at the almost cute squeaking noise he made.

"Nah babe, really really fucking gay!" His smile spread from ear to ear before he pushed me backwards and we were involved in a full on fight for control of the sofa. I was certain that my coffee had been spilled in the midst of all the commotion but couldn't fucking care less, a pillow fight with Cook, the most fun I had had in far too long. But it seemed like fate didn't want me to laugh for more than a few moments as within seconds the front door was being hammered once again. _Fuck, I had never been so popular._

"Can I have my fucking boyfriend back please? I get you're best friends and all but fuck sake, why do I get stuck with my wallowing fucking sister?" Katie sulking is possibly one of _the _funniest things on the planet, short of crossing her arms and kicking some dirt, she was a pouting teenager again. Cook looked as bemused as me, both still feeling the effects of alcohol and both trying desperately not to laugh as to avoid the crushing anger that we knew Katie was capable of. He looked at me for permission as he stood, I pulled him into a hug, letting him know that he really should go with her, I was already responsible for one relationship fucking up, I didn't need another one on my conscience. He gave me one last glimpse of his grin before turning and kissing Katie firmly but not for too long, he didn't want to make me feel uncomfortable or rub his blossoming relationship in my face.

"I'll meet you in the car babe yeah? Just need to fucking punch this twat in the face for neglecting my sister yet again." Her voice was cold and if it wasn't for the smile on her face I would be certain that I was in for a good smacking. Cook whispered something in her ear that made her grin even more before he left, I would have bet money on him telling her to 'play fucking nice.' I swallowed hard and tried to remove any hint of angst from my face before turning around to look at her, arms folded across my chest as some form of protection, just in case. I didn't say anything just kind of blinked at her, urging her to speak or hit me or fucking anything that would stop her staring.

"You know she fucking loves you right?" Katie took a step forwards and before I knew it I was being pulled into an incredibly tight Fitch hug. I was baffled momentarily and completely confused as my brain manoeuvred in more than a thousand directions trying to find anything I could say to turn the subject into something less painful. Nothing.

"Yea, I know...but her idea of love is different from mine." Katie just looked at me, seemingly dumbfounded about the complete honesty that resided in my answer. I was fucking done with lying, really...there is no point, it gets you nowhere except deeper and deeper into shit.

"She has always admired the idea of marriage, ever since we were fucking little and she would always insist on us play marrying in the fucking garden...she was always the groom; makes more sense now obviously, but, Emily sees marriage as confirmation." She couldn't look at me when she was speaking, almost as if she didn't really want to let me in on all the times they had spent together as kids. As if I could somehow take them away from her and once again make it all about Emily and me, I hugged her again in some form of reassurance that, all of her memories would well and truly remain her own. She flinched against me slightly before wrapping her arms around my back allowing a tear to creep down my cheek and fall gently onto her shoulder.

"I don't see love as needing confirmation or proof, love is supposed to be above everything...looking down on the fucking crumbling world that can never love because of fear. I was once told that the people that make us happy are never the people we expect, so if you find someone, you have to cherish it. I treasure every moment I have spent with Emily, each one made me fall in love with her even more...a deep, meaningful, earth-shattering love that needs no verification." I pulled away and it was Katie whose face was full of tears, I just smiled through them, thinking about the hard outer shell of Katie Fitch and how after so many years I had managed to shatter it, leaving her vulnerable but still the bitch she always had been.

"You won't even try marriage to make her fucking happy?" She was pulling at straws, obviously as desperate to give Emily happiness as I was, but tolerance always finds a way of snapping.

"No, it wouldn't help Katiekins, I would just be abiding marriage so that I could be with her and Emily knows that. It wouldn't do anything except make the inevitable break up more painful. I would be so scared that I would fuck up that every second all I would be thinking about is the mistake I was going to make next, I would feel so trapped and completely fucking angry. Angry at Emily, pissed off at how she wouldn't even listen to me and eventually I am so petrified that I would end up hating her...I can't hate her Katie, I just can't..." My voice cracked, tears started to fall and my head was banging so hard it felt like at any moment it would implode and just end everything. Katie ended up just staring at me as my heart was beating from its new resting place on my sleeve, with each pound it got louder and louder until all I wanted to do was curl up into the welcoming embrace of sleep.

"Only a life lived for others...is worth fucking living." She kissed me on the cheek, wiped her tears away and was gone without a second glance. Katie left me alone, in the complete turmoil that was my inner thoughts, fighting with myself and with that inescapable pain tightening in my chest. I shut the door as silently as possible, terrified that even the slightest noise would end up killing me and crossed the room into the bedroom, _our bedroom._ Sheets still indented on Emily's side of the bed from where I had spent most of my time and photos of our happiness just to make me feel so much fucking better.

I hunched my knees tightly into my chest and cried against her pillow, each tear leaving its mark on the emptiness that Emily's absence had banished me to. I looked up at the moon shining through the open window, washing light over everything that seemed to reside in the darkness. Stars were glittering with perfect adoration of the velvet night sky and somehow filling me with hope. Hope that even on the darkest night, beauty still remains...despite everything the stars will always shine, sometimes however, you just have to work extra hard to see them.

**Well I'll be... LOL – philosophical little me! :D**

**You all know what I would so love you to do! – REVIEW!! It makes me feel so incredibly happy when I get to read what you all think! Also let me know – marriage or no marriage? :P**

**Oh and sorry it is moving so slowly at the moment, I just think there are so many emotions that need portraying!**

**Love you all for reading as always! **


	21. Emily Fitch

**Ok, so a lot of people have been asking me to do something from Emily's perspective and up until now I have refused because this story was originally designed to be everything that rattled around inside Naomi...**

**But I figured that we had reached the point where I would do a little filler so that some of what Emily is thinking can be put forward!**

**So this is for everyone who asked for and Emily viewpoint...Enjoy!**

_Everything was fucked, it wasn't like she was the only one with fears, but I wanted to get through them together not fucking run away. The sun washed over me as I watched Naomi walk away and realised just how much it hurt, instantly making me regret the few times I had stormed away from her. My chest collapsed in on itself, making breathing almost impossible and all the love I had for my blonde bombshell smashed me hard in the stomach. _

_I missed her so much it was actually starting to physically hurt, all I could think of was just how much we had been through together and how marriage (something that should absolutely make us stronger) was slowly destroying our foundations from the inside out._

_All I had done for the past week or so was sit in Katie's hollow apartment, sinking further and further into wanting Naomi to be with me and how we still weren't communicating. We were both so stubborn and it took me forever to make myself realise that marriage would come eventually and if it didn't then it fucking didn't, I would be in the arms of the one person I knew I would always love. All of my desire to become Mrs Campbell seemed to disappear behind my complete need for Naomi, and even though I still wanted that ring on my finger...for now; I would rather have her arms around my waist. _

_That's what I had followed Cook to tell her, I waited for her to be ready to admit that she wanted me and I was going to wait for her to see that marriage was going to make us complete. I knew I needed to apologise so I got it out the fucking way but now I wish I had just blurted out that I would wait for her until the day that I died. I just fucking needed her so much and I knew that I always would love her, even if it felt like she didn't really want it to be official. No matter how hard I fucking tried I couldn't understand why she was having such a hard time with this, I knew she loved me as much as I felt inside for her...she just didn't want to give in. My Naomi was still scared of everything but instead of standing next to her, lacing my fingers within her own, I had left her to deal with it and she was drowning into her own mind. _

_In that moment I realised that it was my turn to be strong for the both of us. I had been a complete twat and I was paying for it, every second that passed I fell further and further into self-loathing, but I had no clue how I was going to get her back. _

_So here I was once again, sat in the gloomy front room of Katie's apartment listening to her babble on about how amazing things were with Cook and thinking through several illegal ways to shut her the hell up. I just wanted to be left alone with the thought that Naomi was giving up, she couldn't be bothered to fight anymore meaning that it was undoubtedly up to me. I needed to be brave for her, I had already been a child about this whole fucking scenario...kissing that hideously huge not Naomi because of her drunken anti-marital ramblings. Then to make everything so much worse I had tried to just end it, I had been so weak that not seeing her face again seemed better than seeing the pain I had caused etched into her perfect features._

_I sighed against the darkness as my brain reminded me of all the amazing moments we had had together, the 'affair,' how she followed me to Scotland and attacked my scooter with balloons and more than anything I remembered every morning that I woke up snuggled into the warmth of her neck. Utter perfection, everything I had ever wanted and more, but here I was pushing it away because I was trying to make the utterly flawless even fucking better. I started to recall every part of Naomi that I was completely in love with and realised that her strength and beliefs were a huge part of what exactly made me fall for her in the first place. Her confidence of the presidential race in college, her minimalistic lifestyle that had included communal living for most of her childhood but probably most prolific of all was the way that with Naomi...everything; just was. _

_I needed her to know it. I had to make her see just how fucking in love with her I was and even though I was hurt immensely by her pathetic reasoning as to why marriage would ultimately suck, I wanted her back...and that meant giving in. Or at the very least trying everything in my arsenal to get her to talk to me and attempt to reach some kind of compromise that would let me feel her perfect form wrapped completely nakedly around my own again. I needed to feel her skin against mine, feel her breath rush over my neck but more than anything I urged for her to touch me with her expert hands. I wanted our hearts to reconnect and would give anything for Naomi to look at me with nothing but complete love in her baby blue eyes. For that I would give anything and everything including my wish for her to become my wife._

_For now... _

_I needed a fucking distraction, anything that could take my mind off of the feeling that I may have left it too long to get my Blondie back. Katie had thankfully fucked off after throwing her phone at the floor because Cook wouldn't text her back as he was too busy trying to make Naomi feel better. I was jealous that she had him, all I had was a twin that was more worried about her boyfriend being cooped up with a fucking lesbian, who, not to mention was my bloody girlfriend and his best friend. But at least her freaking out and leaving had meant that I no longer had her screaming in my fucking ear about how I was letting everything fall apart...I already knew that. All I wanted was for her to wrap her arms around me and tell me that it would all be fine, but Katie of course was always fucking Katie. She was my loving twin sister who was once again not fucking helping. But at least she had left her I-pod; I could at least attempt to wash most of the feelings away with some calming music. I had been listening to nothing other than Three Days Grace for the past week, don't get me wrong, it helped by melting away my confused mind, but I needed something uplifting right now. _

_I flicked it on..._

"Don't say a word just come over, and lie here with me...

Coz I'm just about to set fire, to everything I see...

I want you so bad I'll go back on the things, I believe...

There I just said it, I'm scared you'll forget about me..."

_Couldn't have said it better myself. But what the fuck was I going to do? _

**One of my favourite songs – 'Edge of Desire' by John Mayer...it has really been a large part of my inspiration for the emotions in the past couple of chapters. So if you fancy give it a listen!**

**Review if you wish – even though it was a filler chapter, I would love to hear if you think it suited Emily or not! :)**

**Love you all for reading and your continued support! :D**


	22. Chapter 21

**Updates seem to be becoming more frequent, looks like I have slightly gotten over the drought in my writing! YAY! :D**

**Thank you all so much for the support...Enjoy! **

Sunday was a complete waste of my life, it passed with absolutely no help at all from me, and I didn't do anything other than wander around in my pyjamas. Making endless amounts of coffee and attempting to think of absolutely fucking nothing, I didn't leave the bedroom other than to use to toilet or pour another drink. I refused to notice as the sun rose, flashed across the clear sky before starting to fall again, time could pass by without me taking note at the encroaching darkness...both in my life and in the fucking world. The only thing that Sunday had been good for was my attempt at writing my next big article entitled '50% of marriages end in divorce...not bad considering the rest end in death.' A mixture of satirical dribble with an added flavour of stating that maybe marriage wasn't all bad, especially if you were in it with someone that you loved without question.

It was Monday morning; I was actually looking forward to it being time for me to disappear into the distraction that came hand in hand with work. Without my flamed haired beauty to make life worth living it seemed that I was happy enough that the world seemed content to pass by without my attention. It was half past six and I was completely awake, spread out as much as possible on the double bed that contained nowhere near enough awesome memories of Emily and me. Arms and legs reaching out towards the corners attempting to make it all seem less empty but instead I managed to touch the cold space where she should be and winced back into myself immediately. _Fuck I missed her..._

I remained within the hidden warmth that resided within the sheets for a few more minutes before realising that I wasn't going to be able to back to the calming blackness that was sleep and started dragging my weary bones out of bed. Coffee, shower, any clothes I could find, a quick journey later and I was sat in the dismal shit of the office; once again staring at a fucking blank screen. It looked almost as empty as I felt.

Looking at the clock that refused to change in the bottom right hand corner of the screen I sighed at the fact that it said half past eight...still too fucking early. All of the booths were empty, the only other person who was actually around so early on a Monday was the sub-editor, Debbie, she was a twat but she seemed to love all my thought provoking writing so she was easily dealt with.

"Morning Debs, got something for you to look over..." She smiled up at me over glasses with her clouded almost grey eyes and took the outstretched piece of paper I held towards her. Pouring myself yet another cup of coffee before I returned to my desk and flopped down, looking through the endless amounts of E-mails I had received on my previous few articles. I really did have the most awesome feedback, in the past few weeks it had been the only thing allowing me to smile the honest smile that was otherwise lacking from the shit life I found myself surrounded by. It seemed people were reading just as much into the whole marriage debate as I had wanted them to, giving their own views on weddings and the reasons behind it all. I read through each one carefully hoping that one would stick in my mind and help me get over the fear that came hand in hand with the realisation that maybe I was ready for a step I never thought I would take. I had found 'the one' and I sure as hell wasn't going to lose her over something that seemed to be so easily avoidable.

"Another marriage piece? Got something on your mind there Naomi?" Debbie poked her head around the corner of my booth and waved the paper in my face with that oh so inquisitively nosey fucking expression plastered across her.

"Seems like it is all I can write about at the moment..." I tried to smile, silently letting her know that if she asked any more questions I would quite happily slap that all-knowingly smug expression right off of her face.

"Why some poor guy not getting down on one knee for you?" She snorted to herself, chortling disgustingly whilst I just raised one eyebrow and crossed my arms in front of me in an attempt to look bad ass. It took her far too long to realise that I didn't think she was fucking funny before she stopped herself from laughing and managed to regain some composure to look almost concerned.

"Oh god, I didn't meant it...goodness, it's his loss." She whirled the chair around from the neighbouring booth and tapped her hand repetitively on my knee. I debated with myself as to whether kicking out would be a believable reflex before deciding that she was just trying to be polite even if she really only was succeeding in being fucking annoying.

"It's nothing like that. She thinks marriage is our next step but I would rather just continue fucking like gay rabbits until eventually everything sorts itself out." So maybe not the most emotionally occupied thing to say but she was pissing me off so I needed her to get the point that I wanted to be alone sooner rather than fucking later. She looked blankly at me for a few blissfully silent moments before the truth hit her smack in her face, I knew she had twigged because she could no longer look me in the eye and was trying everything to think of something that could change the subject. _Ah...the peaceful silence brought on by a co-worker cottoning on to the fact that you are a raging lesbian having relationship issues._

"Oh...um, yes so this article...wonderful writing, I will pass it on..." And with that passing thought she fucked off; leaving me to the silence I was very grateful for. She was a nice enough person but the less conversation I had these days the better I seemed to be able to cope, the only form of interaction I enjoyed were the increasingly common texts from Cook and Katie. Telling me what Emily was up to and making sure that I hadn't flown off the handle, or in Cook's case that I hadn't flown off the handle without inviting him along for the 'cunting mind-fuck of a ride!'

I was trying desperately to shut my brain off, it was almost working considering I had managed to persuade myself that thinking about it, always seemed to make everything seem so much worse. I was sure it would work out, well I hoped it would, _no... I was fucking sure that everything would be ok._ The only thing I had left was my strength and the belief that Emily and I had been through far too much to just give up now. I would marry her and I would fucking like it because it wasn't only the right thing to do for Emily but it would mean that she would be back in my arms again...something that was worth more than words can even begin to describe.

Time was passing slowly, I still hadn't written anything new and I was very aware that the whole office was starting to fill with my co-workers. It was also starting to brim over with people muttering in hushed tones and shooting me stares as the 'secret' well and truly escaped the closet. I hadn't tried to keep it to myself, the need to tell people had just never arisen...Emily had always been too busy or angry to come to work functions with me and I didn't really consider anyone within these four walls my friend. They were all too fucking boring anyway, but at least the looks that came my way weren't angry and I took comfort in the fact that they hadn't started compiling pitchforks and flaming torches yet.

I had been sat doing nothing, other than twiddling a pen between my fingers, for just over four hours. I had a well deserved lunch to look forward to so I dropped everything, well, the pen; and grabbed my small grey jacket before practically running out of the door towards the nearest cafe. It was another beautiful day, with the sun washing warmth over everything it touched, parading across the hills and casting vague shadows on the concrete pavement I was walking along. Ultimately it was the heat that made me decide that I would stay outside for as long as possible, so I took my hazelnut latte and pain au chocolate to go and went to sit in the park.

What a shit idea, families surrounded me, I had fucking forgotten that it was half term. Unfortunately it meant that my supposedly peaceful lunch ended up being surrounded by the life choices that I was yet to be completely sure of. Children ran around fucking screaming their heads off and parents watched on as kids continued to eat the bark chips that surrounded the swings. I found myself thinking about how shit the mothers were to not seem even remotely interested in the fact that their 'little fucking angels' were digesting something truly fowl.

It was that one moment that made me realise how much I had grown because of all the things Emily kept making me think about. I didn't find the fact that they were eating trees funny, I didn't even want to give them a good kick for being so fucking noisy. All I wanted to do was bitch slap their mothers for not paying even an ounce of attention to the damage that the kids were doing, not only to themselves but to the poor blonde columnists that were sat trying to enjoy a quiet lunch. I was thinking like a concerned parent, not a twenty five year old idiot who, a few years ago, would of quite happily offered the kids a smack if they didn't fucking shut up. I ended up finishing my lunch as quickly as was possible whilst trying to avoid any hint of indigestion, _god I was getting fucking boring...I need a good drink. _

Taking in my last few remnants of the gorgeous sun, I twitched slightly as my phone started to vibrate in my pocket. Looking at the caller ID I felt my heart sink as I noticed that it wasn't Emily, but it was still a supposedly happy call.

"Hey Mel...what's up?" My best mate back from the honeymoon after the wedding that had focused my life on the idea of matrimony and singularly destroyed everything I held dear.

"I leave you for a few weeks and everything fucks up...what the hell Naoms. Emily is fucking broken!" She wasn't yelling as such, but it certainly wasn't the friendly hello that I was expecting. It took me back slightly and I struggled what in hell I was going to say.

"Yeah..." I was incredibly shit at making conversation when I didn't really like the topic, usually I just sat there in silence, but that seemed fucking impossible right now so instead just decided to set Mel up for her inescapable rant.

"Ok, seriously...I'll pick you up after work and we can have a little chat." I felt like a child who had drawn all over the newly painted walls or spilt Ribena on the white sofa...it sounded like I was in serious trouble so I just agreed flatly.

"Sure, see you later." With that, she hung up and I was left thinking about what I was going to say when I saw her, I didn't want to make any excuses but at the same time couldn't lie down and accept all the fucking blame. The only thing I knew for certain was that the rest of the afternoon was going to go past so slowly and be filled with nothing other than the same old thoughts running riot in my mind.

*

Waiting was always the worst part of anything that was filled with uncertainty; just the agonising knowledge that something was going to happen that I had very little control over was enough to drive me barmy. Early evening, so the sun was slowly dying behind the horizon and the sky was flushed with red, allowing me some beauty to take my mind off of whatever I was waiting for.

I felt my heart climb an inch or two as Mel's car screeched round the corner and stopped just in front of where I was tapping my foot in a hint of impatience. I climbed in without even an essence of question and Mel drove away in complete silence, she was going to antagonise me for as long as she possibly could...probably taking me somewhere she could kick the shit out of me in peace. I ended up just staring out of the window, attempting to focus on anything other than the blinding reality that I may actually be in some serious trouble here.

I was so thankful for the knowledge that she didn't start driving out of the town; in fact she seemed to just be driving towards the apartment, only veering off about five minutes away. We ended up parking outside our local, 'The Claret Arms' and sitting in silence for a few remaining moments before Mel removed her seatbelt and wriggled out of the car. I followed suit and wandered out until I was stood next to her looking up at the sign that was squeaking in the ever so slight breeze. I was still shaking against the onslaught of nerves brought about by the settled silence that I found myself tucked in. I started thinking that even Mel screaming at me would be better than just standing there; avoiding any form of eye contact and refusing to fucking speak.

"Drink?" She spoke so quietly I was actually surprised I heard her, but I nodded quickly in recognition of the bleak attempt at conversation.

The pub was quieter than the fucking car journey and as soon as my eyes adjusted to my new surroundings I realised that I had been set up. Emily was sat elegantly at the bar, Cook and Katie were lounging over a bar stool next to her and Effy welcomed her new wife into her arms with a swift kiss before they all turned to look at the confusion on my face.

Cook was the only one to make any attempt at movement as he waltzed forwards and handed me something that looked vaguely orange and slightly luminous. I took a sip and realised that it was very close to being pure alcohol as it screamed down the back of my throat. He hugged me gently and dropped a kiss onto my forehead before returning to the obvious comfort of Katie, if I didn't love him so much I would have probably hurled up my lunch. I practically downed my drink as Emily took a step forward and cleared her throat; I swallowed slightly as I looked up carefully into her eyes, allowing myself to drown all the way down into her soul.

"Naoms, I fucking love you...everything about you was made for me, including your beliefs. I need you in my life, I need your arms to wrap around me and let me know that it is all going to be ok, I don't want anything other than to fucking be with you. I have been in love with you forever and being without you is slowly killing me, but what makes it worse is the feeling that after everything I'm still not strong enough to let you know that it will all work out. Marriage, whether you see it as unnecessary proof, a sham, or even fucking chains...I don't care anymore, you'll help me get over it with every fucking smile you flash my way and every kiss I steal in the mornings or before cuddling down with you at night. Please...please tell me that it's not too late, tell me that you ache for me as much as I fucking do for you. Give me some of your strength...Naoms, I need you..." She was crying, tears streamed over her cheeks as I digested what she was saying. I was sure she didn't mean it; absolutely fucking positive that marriage would always be important to Emily but right now every cell in my body was screaming for me to just wrap her up within me.

I took two steps forwards until I could feel her breath run over me, I could feel the warmth resonate across my body and I could inhale every essence of her. I pressed my hands carefully against her cheeks, wiping away the tears that had fallen, but more importantly lifting her beautiful brown eyes up to look into mine. I smiled.

"We'll talk..." Two words that ultimately seemed to mean the world as her lips plummeted against mine, the soft red bursting lips crashed throughout my soul. Parting breathlessly several times before the kiss finally deepened as our tongues danced the forgotten dance, reconnecting in the most perfect of ways. Her hands ran past the fabric that encased my back, fingers tracing over the back of my bra as her lips smiled against my own before eventually, our hands became intertwined and we were once again ready to face the world as one.

So many emotions, so much shit had come out of something that should ultimately be a happy if not the un-needed experience that was marriage. I didn't care, right at that moment I would have married a fucking parsnip if it meant that I got Emily in my arms every morning and every evening for the rest of my life. Throughout everything I couldn't see a way for us to get back to the way things were, but at least her head was buried in my chest against the onlookers that I had completely forgotten about.

I took a deep breath and allowed one tear to fall onto her perfect red hair before wiping away the forming droplets in my eyes and holding Emily out to look into her eyes again.

"I mean it Ems; we have a lot that we need to talk through..." I tried to whisper but I knew that everyone else was bound to hear.

"I know..." The all too familiar answer that usually followed my admission of adoration and love. I had missed Emily's voice so much and she took a delicate breath, making me smile as I realised that she wasn't done talking just yet.

"But tonight, can we just...you know...exist?" She flashed a smile and before I knew it I was kissing her all over again and collapsing into everything Emily Fitch.

**Still stuff to talk through eh? :P**

**Well that is me done for a few days, have a job that needs some attention but don't worry I will still be scribbling furiously at every chance I get!**

**Review please...you all seriously make me so damn happy! :D – see HUGE smile.**

**Love you all for reading! **


	23. Chapter 22

**Firstly...a huge than you to everyone who had been reading, reviewing, adding this to alert and adding to favourites! I get so excited every time I see an e-mail! (You guys rock!) :P**

**Secondly...sorry this has taken so long, work, work and more work...also had a minor incident when I nearly knocked myself unconscious with a ladder; so haven't been able to write much! :O (SORRY!!!)**

**But here is a hopefully happy chapter for you to enjoy, methinks there is only maybe two or three chapters left of this one! So...yea...**

**Enjoy! :D**

I'm not sure whose idea this had been, whether it was all Mel...once again proving that she could save my life in a fucking instant, or whether Emily had drafted her in at the last minute to actually get me here so she could make her little speech and get me back in her arms. All I was certain of was that I didn't fucking care, Emily was once again fitted perfectly between my thighs as we perched next to the bar, sipping on something completely awful, laughing and joking with friends. I was going to be stupidly hung over in work tomorrow, but that was something that could go on the bottom of the whole list of things that, at this moment in time, I didn't give a shit about.

I was tingling all over; every single minute movement she made against me caused my cheeks to flush and my heart to beat that little bit faster. I had missed every single thing about Emily Fitch, down to the tiniest details that I had never noticed noticing before. My brain was so full of all the dirty and unmentionable things that I wanted to do to her that I hardly had time to think that it wasn't all smelling of roses just yet.

We still had one hell of a lot to sort out, more than a hell of a lot actually, but I was suitably pissed enough to thrust all horrendous thoughts of conversation to the back of my mind. I was melting into my redhead's essence and nothing could stop me from falling, well I didn't think anything could halt my descent into all things Emily; but then I saw Mel scowling at me from over Effy's shoulder. She was shooting me the most unbelievable evils I had ever seen her give, I found myself just staring at her, wondering if she was actually possessed or some other creepy shit. I held my breath as she whispered something into Effy's ear, causing her to kiss her gently before Mel shot me one of those 'follow me or I'll make a scene looks' and walking out of the door into the beer garden.

"Mel looks like she is about to kill me, fancy giving us ten minutes to shout it out and if I'm not back, please come and rescue me..." I smiled against the warmth of Emily's neck and was drawn into a brief fleeting kiss before adjusting my clothes and following in the footsteps of one of my best friends, who I am certain was about to bitch slap me in the face.

The evening had well and truly fallen, the faintly dark blue glow flashed from behind swollen clouds that threatened rain. I saw Mel standing with her arms crossed watching the door that I had just emerged from, still with that fucking scary look on her face. I feared for my life. I remembered something from when she and Emily were dating; it was the moment when she told me that I was being an idiot for letting her go and that I should go and get her back.

"_Me...Kicking your sorry blonde arse if you ever remotely hurt her, she is an amazing girl and you're right she deserves happiness..."_ was all I could remember and I had seen Mel bitch fight, she was a fucking animal and I would be lucky to escape with my hair and shirt intact. Simply put I don't think my 'sorry blonde arse' could handle Mel kicking it into next week, especially considering I'm certain I needed all my strength for what I had planned for Emily and me tonight. I was already slightly tipsy so walking in a straight line towards Mel, attempting to show no fear, was fucking harder than I thought it was going to be. I ended up falling over my own feet and bumbling into her looking like a complete twat, but at least the tension was broken by a brief outburst of laughter.

"You dappy fucking cow! I'm trying to be pissed at you..." She managed to hold me upright before returning all seriousness and composure to her expression, making the smile I currently had on my face falter slightly.

"How could you be such a fuckwit?" I had never looked into her eyes so deeply and was thankful for the hint of a raised eyebrow that meant even though she was deadly serious, I wasn't in as much trouble as I thought and would manage to escape without a black eye.

"I have no idea how it all went to shit, but it didn't get anywhere fast due to the fact that we were too fucking proud to talk to each other...we just kept yelling and walking the fuck away." I sighed into the cooling air and attempted to avoid any unnecessary eye contact, she was generally a gorgeous person, inside and out, but if she glared at you with anger...you could feel it all over. Mel had a stare that, if looks could kill, would not only have stabbed you repeatedly, but would also have kicked your bleeding body at least twice before giggling and walking away. She just shook her head for a few brief moments whilst she obviously contemplated what to say next, I didn't like Mel thinking, it meant that she was trying to be too fucking smart for her own good.

"You both need your heads banging together, too stubborn to know what is fucking best for you both...you know...being together. Fuck sake, you need to wake up, leave the fucking coffee alone, and tell her just what she means to you." I was smiling at her, a vacant smile thinking of all things Emily, me and just being together. Gorgeous red hair flowing all over me and casting me under such a spell that I knew I would be lost forever. Until I was brought back to the world with a bump as Mel seemed to have slapped me across the face, it wasn't a hard stinging slap, but it still hurt a little and made me gasp into the encroaching night.

"Fuck off bitch..." I managed through laughter, thankfully she knew I was kidding and just pulled me into a hug, wrapping her arms purposefully around my shoulders.

"You know this was all Emily's idea right? She told me how you took care of her and stuff, fucking beautiful really...you two are so right for each other, it's almost too cute." She ruffled my hair, _ruffled my fucking hair_, it was my turn to glower at her but she just flashed me one of her innocent looks that ended up with the both of us just giggling furiously.

"See you don't need saving then..." Emily's voice melted through the air from behind me, making me almost float towards her and wrap my arms gently around her waist. Mel just continued chuckling as she walked past us, giving me one last pat on the shoulder before returning to the warmth of the pub and Effy.

"I was getting worried, I didn't hear fucking screaming!" She smiled up into my eyes and I leant down to encase her lips in my own, allowing our lips to move together and create the perfect motion that was almost molten. I moved my lips down her neck, pausing silently to hover breath over her skin, smiling against her as I noted the way her head tipped backwards and seemed to beg me for more. I obliged without question and my kisses traipsed back up until our mouths once again moved together. I pulled back and felt momentarily breathless, watching stupidly as Emily's eyes melted into my own and I was swept away by the lust and pure passion that seemed to rage behind the darkest and most flawless brown. She crooked into that half smile that always made me go weak at the knees and considering my tipsy state was probably not the best thing as I felt like I was actually going to fall over. The only thing causing me to maintain the uprightness I currently had going was her soft fingers playing effortlessly with the back of my shirt, brushing agonisingly close to the skin that shouldn't be on show.

"You need to stop, I don't know how much longer I can play nice before jumping you in the bathroom."I whispered in her ear as she started to kiss her way along my jaw line before pulling the shoulder of my shirt out of the way and continuing her excruciating assault on my skin. I felt myself shudder against her, physically shaking against how much I needed to just drag her home and make sweet, passionate, earth-shattering if not fucking filthy love to her.

"Mel told me this was all you." I tried anything to make conversation and take my mind away from Emily's hands that were well and truly resting on my arse. She removed herself promptly from leaving me one hell of a hickey on my neck and returned her eyes to look fixedly into my own, instantly making me regret my decision to speak. Emily's cheeks flushed, she was actually looking embarrassed about me finding out that she had set this whole thing up, and it gave me a sudden burst of that warm adoration that had been lacking in our relationship for the last couple of months. Her head fell in an attempt to hide her visibly shaken exterior from my careful gaze and I stood there just grinning innately out into the approaching darkness for a few stolen seconds. I inhaled the beauty of her perfume mixed with the scent of shampoo floating off of her brilliantly red hair, the mixture of senses emanating off of Emily made me swoon only slightly before I managed to grasp hold of some sort of composure. Thinking in silence, I tilted her head up with my fingertips until her hazelnut eyes were once again mixing wondrously with my own and then I leant down and brushed my lips ever so elegantly against Emily's. Slow, tender and full of the passion that I still think I would absolutely fucking die for; everything I knew we had to talk through fucked right out of my brain and all I was left with was one resoundingly simple thought.

_This is it...my perfection, my world...right here wrapped up in the embrace, kiss and attention of my one and only. Emily fucking Fitch, that's all I need to know..._

"Fancy getting the fuck out of here?" She spoke almost silently against my lips, her warm breath melting into my skin causing me to tremble right down to the core. All I could do was nod my head carefully against her own whilst we stayed, completely fixed with just our foreheads touching and my hands playing carefully with the back of her neck. She smiled and laced her fingers within my own before pulling me through the bar to say 'bye, were off to fuck like rabbits' to everyone and continuing our short but still far too fucking lengthy journey home. _Home, sounds brilliant all over again. _

The steps up to our apartment arrived not soon enough; the only point of connection between us was still our fingers that had remained intertwined together, completely as one. There were no silent glances or hidden touches, just the shared image of a contented smile that was plastered over our faces. The night and the walk home had completely sobered me up, well that and the fact that I was concentrating on nothing other than the way Emily's thumb was smoothing its way over my knuckles.

We both stopped outside the door, I was just grinning insanely at the keyhole and Emily seemed to switch her attention back to me, waiting for me to push my hips into hers until her back crashed against the wall whilst my lips attacked her skin without remorse. But I didn't move. I managed to contain myself as her tongue wound over her bottom lip, as she manoeuvred herself round behind me, even as her hands started fiddling inside my numerous pockets trying to find my keys. Eventually I heard the jingle of her success and she released me, much to my annoyance, and opened the door swiftly before taking a few solid steps in and examining how even after nearly a month of her absence, nothing had fucking changed. I watched her intently, smiling at how her eyes darted around and how her hands still fiddled effortlessly with the band of her skirt. Eventually she realised that I was yet to move a muscle and turned around to face me, crossing her arms before returning my gaze.

"Are you coming?" Her inquisitive smirk turned my legs to jelly in a millisecond and I had to use every ounce of strength I had not to fall arse over tit onto the floor. I decided the best thing for me would be to walk as slowly as possible towards her arms, giving the 'excuse' that I was drawing out the obvious sexual tension for as long as possible. Wit smacked me in the back of my brain and I smiled at my own genius.

"Almost, but you will be later..."I winked at her before turning around, shutting the door and immediately regretting my decision to fucking wink at her, _bloody cheesy twat! _I rested my head carefully on the wooden door and relished in the cold resonating off of it allowing me to almost think more clearly and mentally beat myself up for being such a fucking prick. I closed my eyes against everything, trying to focus on the silence that was wrapping itself around us, only the soft glow of dull light washing in through the balcony window; causing shadows to dance over the walls and reminding me that Emily was indeed still present. The more I listened to the silence, the more I could hear every breath that she took, gradually getting increasingly faster and deeper with each approaching gasp.

However hard I concentrated I couldn't place where she was and as I pulled my head of the comforting coolness to face her, she was perfectly too close and placed her hands precariously on my hips; pulling me gently towards her.

"Babe, since when do you fucking wink?" She laughed against my neck and I pushed her back slightly and began to giggle with her before pulling her into a deep, passionate kiss. She smiled against my lips as her hands made their way underneath my shirt to trace over my skin; making me shudder ever so gently. Nothing more needed to be said and we moved as one into the bedroom, pausing momentarily to shut the door. I watched intently as Emily made her way over to the side of the bed, I followed without question and encased her in my arms before turning her around and drawing her into another heated kiss. Everything seemed to be so slowed down, every time our skin touched was charged with electricity and I pushed her backwards onto the bed before pinning her beneath me as I moved my knees beside her hips.

Plunging now hungry kisses along her neck and then down over her collarbone, I wrestled her out of her shirt and pressed my lips over every inch of newly exposed skin. Her hands busied themselves undoing the buttons on the front of my top and digging her nails into my back every time I bit at her neck slightly. She was beginning to wriggle beneath me, so I lifted myself a little allowing my fingertips to explore over her ribs and around her back to undo her bra. As soon as it was thrown on the floor my tongue flicked over her nipples, I smiled contentedly to myself as they stood rigid under my moist breath.

"Fuck Naoms, I've missed this..." I moved my lips down towards her stomach, watching as she tensed underneath each kiss, her perfect muscles twitching against me. I moved my hands downwards and started fiddling with the button and zip of her skirt, helping it fall gracefully to the floor. I returned to kiss her hungrily, encasing her mouth with my own and relishing each exasperated breath that escaped her. I shed myself of my clothes in an instant, craving the sensation of skin against skin. Her warmth against mine. She gasped as my tongue moved its way down towards her inner thigh and I felt her hand tug against my hair in her attempt to get my mouth where she wanted it. I managed to swiftly remove her of her final item of clothing before running my tongue along her increasingly wet centre, delighting in the muted moan that escaped her lips. I ran one of my hands across her rib cage before twirling her nipple between my fingers, using my other hand to place two fingers inside her. I started a slow rhythm, allowing her hips to thud upwards like a metronome telling me just how fast she wanted it. I flicked my tongue against her most sensitive area and increased the pace as her breathing quickened.

The occasional guttural 'fuck' that escaped her perfect lips made me crave her more, I tasted her centre, rocking myself behind each movement my fingers made inside her; driving her towards ecstasy with each motion. I felt her start to convulse around my fingers and her legs began to twitch as her nails dug into my back whenever I did something she appreciated. Moving my tongue upwards and over her stomach whilst slipping a third strong finger inside and rotating my wrist causing the grip Emily had on my hair to tighten. My speed increased again as she plummeted towards her peak, rocking harder, breathing faster and her soft little moans of pleasure becoming more frequent. As I curled my fingers inside her and pushed my palm firmly against her core, she fell over the edge, crashing downwards momentarily as I held her at the height for as long as possible. I returned my lips to her own and drew her upwards with one remaining heated kiss before I collapsed down to the side of her, smiling proudly to myself that I still had such an effect on her.

"That...was...wow..." She spoke between slowing breaths before rolling over and allowing our lips to meet for a few perfect moments before turning me onto my back and kissing over my bra.

She made love to me, perfect jaw-dropping, completely orgasmic love, it wasn't just fucking this time because every movement was precise and perfect. It meant something and for one of the first times in our relationships she actually looked me deep in the eyes as I came, smiling down at my breathless; shaking and very naked body.

Only momentarily did I stop to think about what was to come the following day, work, meeting with my cunting editor, talking things through with Emily. It all sounded perfectly horrific...but that was all made so insignificant when I was reminded of the very first thing I would be doing tomorrow.

Waking up, surrounded by everything Emily Fitch.

**There you have it, finally some happy times! Let's hope it's not the calm before the storm aye?! :P – I couldn't be that cruel, surely! (Never hurts to keep you guessing though!) **

**Reviews? Would really make my day if you could spare five minutes to let me know what you think! :D**

**Love you all for reading!**


	24. Chapter 23

**Had the worst day at work today, which wasn't helped by the fact that all I could think of was this story and how, unfortunately, the end is nigh! So I figured I would write this up and give you lovely readers an update! :) **

**Thank you all for the wonderful comments over the crescendo that has been the past few chapters...this one goes out to RiverRay (for loving the last chapter) and nancyfitch (for thinking it was hot! :P) – also to anyone who is reading...this is for you all!**

**Enjoy!**

Summer mornings were usually beautiful, the way the sunlight pours through the curtains interrupted only by the sway of the breeze running through the trees casting shadows down upon us. Summer mornings were usually breath-taking, with the birds humming effortlessly in the trees and even the smell of freshly cut grass running around in the air...Usually.

This particular summer morning, however, was utter perfection. The sunlight trickled across her flamed hair, the shadows danced off of her completely naked physique, the birds sang in time to every breath she took and the smell of freshly mown lawns meddled seamlessly with the sweet smell of her shampoo. I had just been lying in complete silence watching her sleep, crooking into a smile every time her chest rose with each flawless breath. Her arm was draped over my stomach and her hand was flexing agonisingly against my hip, making every inch of me tingle.

Emily Fitch was back in my arms and the entire world could just fuck off and leave us to it, I didn't want to go to work, I didn't want to listen to my boss drone on and on about sales...the only thing that I wanted to do was fuck Emily every way imaginable before curling up and falling once again into the comforting arms of sex induced sleep. But as I turned slightly to view my clock, the realisation that I only had mere moments before my alarm would ruin the perfection of our naked bodies intertwined between sheets, made a heavy sigh escape me. I had to get up and face the day, even after the immense admission of feelings in the physical form that had happened between us last night; I couldn't take any more time off of work...I had missed enough.

Six o' fucking clock, I had already reached over to stop my alarm from disturbing more than it already had, seeing as I knew Emily didn't have to be up for another half hour or so. I removed myself from the attachment I had to my red headed beauty and wandered seemingly aimlessly into the shower. I allowed the water to wash all over me, noticing three new red marks on my skin and silently cursing Emily for making one of them so high on my neck it was going to be impossible to hide. As I stood in with the warmth cascading over me I reminisced about last night, how we had gone from fucking, to making love, to just holding each other and then right back through the cycle again. Everything had been so perfect and standing here now I started to question whether we actually did have to talk things through, couldn't we just start again and fucking forget everything? _No...More than too much shit has happened, it all needs to be sorted once and for all..._I hated myself when I made so much sense, especially when all I really wanted to concentrate on was Emily's skilful fingers.

Considerably dryer and dressed comfortably in my robe, I made my way into the kitchen and poured two cups of coffee, pausing slightly on the outside of my bedroom door before almost creeping in so as not to wake her. I stopped mid-step, with two mugs of steaming caffeine rich loveliness in my hands, winding my eyes all over the picture of serenity that lay out in front of me. Emily had somehow wriggled over to my side of the bed, and in doing so; the covers had fallen off of her, revealing the most flawless amount of skin I had ever seen. I caught my heartbeat in the back of my throat and tried in vain to control the massive collapse of all functionality. I moistened my mouth and swallowed against the onslaught of every single dirty thought squeezing into my brain, making me blush slightly.

"Like what you see..." Emily started laughing silently, both at the effect she still knowingly had on me and my realisation that she had once again set me up.

"Bitch!" I managed whilst attempting to hide my embarrassment as Emily wriggled around to sit up in the sheets and I made my way over to the side of her to offer her the mug. She took it thankfully and sipped it with care before returning her eyes to mine and smiling the 'well fucked' smile that made me think very carefully about falling back into bed.

"Don't even think about getting back in here, we both have work and I'm sure that I am not strong enough to push you away if you start." Emily smiled up at me once more and then rested her mug down on the bedside table and allowed herself to climb off of the mattress.

"Um, babe...you're the one that is still fucking naked..." I permitted my eyes to once again roam freely over a very naked Emily Fitch, taking in every inch of skin and licking my lips gently against the way her hips swayed as she flicked her hair teasingly before walking out of the room. I huffed through the silence as my frustration at hafting to go to work boiled over slightly, whilst I rummaged around and attempted to find something that resembled smart clothing for my bore-fest of a meeting that I really wouldn't mind missing. Eventually settling on a black pencil skirt and a dark blue, seemingly ruffled blouse decorated with my chunky blue eclipse necklace that I had had for fucking ages. I heard the shower blazing in the background and instantly regretted the daydreaming in the running water as the warmth must have all but been drained. I was however momentarily rescued with images of Emily's nipples standing to attention whilst the water turned cold. _Sex craving fucktard..._

As I was putting the finishing touches to my intelligent looking outfit, Emily once again re-appeared into the bedroom, cursing the cold shower she had just been forced into. I smiled innocently and she shook her head at my obvious cuteness before borrowing some of my deodorant. When she was confident that she no longer had the rather ripe smell of a good hard night of fucking on her skin, she slipped into the clothes that had been discarded last night, hardly pausing to notice how much I was getting turned on by just watching her get dressed. We finished getting ready in almost complete silence, only sharing occasional glances and contented smiles at how apparently perfect this whole situation had turned out to be.

"See you later then yeah?" Emily questioned as I gathered my keys from where they had been thrown in our hurry.

"Yea, we need to talk things through...you know?" I smiled reassuringly at her and fiddled with my keys in the hope to avoid any uncomfortable eye contact that would just make me fucking forget everything that we still needed to discuss. Emily didn't seem to like my decision as she stepped forwards and nuzzled herself into my neck before forcing me to meet her eyes.

"We both need to promise to just fucking listen this time..." She seemed so calm and every single hint of angst I had melted away at her assurance, she was so strong, I knew it would all be ok. The only thing stopping us now was the distinct possibility that the boredom of work would indeed be enough to kill me. I didn't say anything though, just nodded against her as I dropped my lips towards hers and kissed her so slowly and passionately that I never wanted it to end.

Moments later, we had parted and were off in our agonisingly separate directions for the nine hours before we were meeting back at the apartment to hopefully, start the rest of our fucking lives.

*

Work had sucked major arse, I didn't think there was anything worse than listening to my cunt of a boss ramble on and on about the newly discovered success of the paper. That was until I was forced to listen to his insane psycho-babble whilst wanting nothing more than to be talking calmly and rationally to the love of my life. Boredom mixed with fear of what was to come, fucking brilliant mixture that was. Every minute had felt like an eternity, so much so that I couldn't even watch the clock as I kept picturing the hands laughing at me before deciding to go fucking backwards. My screen had stayed blank and despite seven different occasions where I was accosted by a co-worker asking bluntly about my sexuality I was still focused on what was coming at six. Me, Emily, a nice bottle of wine and the fucking truth...without anyone getting annoyed or walking away, leaving us inevitably in a much better place...rolling around in bed.

"So are you bringing her to this corporate party tomorrow?" Mandy had been sitting in the booth along from mine ever since I started and hadn't once found it necessary to actually engage me in conversation. _Word must be getting around about the old rug munching..._As I was falling into my own thoughts, one resoundingly fucking terrible one hit me square in the face. Shit, with everything that was happening at home I had completely fucking forgot about the mixer with the sponsors tomorrow. I closed my eyes and ran around in my own head trying desperately to think of an excuse as to why I couldn't make it. _Sorry, I will be too busy making my girlfriend scream..._I tutted in light of my extremely dirty thought patterns of late.

"Not sure, Emily might be doing something..." Not exactly an excuse but not a definite yes or no either, keep my options open, seemed like the best way forward...for now.

"So you really are gay then?" Just come right out and say it why don't you. No beating around the proverbial bush, _ah pleasant innuendo,_ but still a fucking bitch.

"Yea, problem?" I had twisted myself around in my chair to give her the full effect of my best bitch stare, which seemed to do the trick as she ended up muttering something about 'just asking' before swivelling her chair back to her own screen. Even though the conversation had really just been a 'let's poke the lesbian with a dildo and see if she talks' routine it had made ten minutes pass by without much notice from me. I decided that time passing was worth more than escaping from a possibly fucking embarrassing conversation, so Mandy and I literally chatted the afternoon away.

*

Five to six, I was sitting on the sofa, waiting patiently for Emily to return home and hoping beyond everything that she had had a good day of arse kissing. I had already gotten through half a glass of wine and was eyeing up the glass I had presumptuously poured for Emily's appearance when the door finally opened. I thought instantly that she had obviously been back to Katie's to get her keys and what looked like a small 'over-night' bag; things seemed to be looking up. I just had to have faith that talking everything through and actually fucking listening would make everything more understandable.

Tension filled the room the very instant the door was closed and Emily had taken her place, sitting next to me. She took a few guzzles of her wine and as I leant in to top it up, she pushed my hand away.

"No more, we need clear heads otherwise, considering both of our inabilities to actually talk through what we are feeling, this could all go tits up..." She made perfect sense and I nodded carefully before putting the cork back into the bottle of red and setting it down on the table. Her voice had cracked the silence, but it had the thickness of water, rushing back in as soon as it was given chance and creeping into every available space that the absence of words had left us in. Neither one of us wanted to speak first; we both seemed content to just sit there in the increasingly uncomfortable silence, just...waiting. _Be brave...like she asked..._I took a deep breath and almost felt the hairs stand up on the back of Emily's neck with the flourish of anticipation.

"Hopefully; you know I fucking love you...that heart breaking, earth-shattering, perfection of love that makes every breath seem to be worth something." Emily nodded, causing my concentration to falter slightly...

"Well...love is just that, pure and innocent and completely without boundary, to me love is something that can't be contained, can't be given a fucking name like marriage...I kind of understand your want to make it official, but nothing about love is certain, why put strains on something that we both know is so fucking fragile anyway?" I was surprised at how calm I had managed to stay, at how I maintained composure through each word I said, making absolutely sure that she could just attempt to understand how I felt.

"I get that, I love you so much, it is physically hurting me to be away from you, fuck...Naoms...ever since I was little I have dreamt about looking into the eyes of the person I will always love as they took the ultimate plunge and said those two fateful words. 'I do,' Marriage isn't a confirmation or proof of something we both know exists, to me...it's more like a passage, a final realisation that ultimately...you will own my heart forever." She was looking at her hands, twiddling her thumbs over each finger and then back again; not wanting to look at me just in case I was angry, scared, crying or a mixture of all three.

"Babe...Ems...look at me..." She lifted her head and I inched my way forwards, running my fingers between her own nervously twitching hands.

"It's just something I had never imagined myself doing, and the way it was kind of sprung on me by events in someone else's life, just made it seem like...so impersonal and just wrong. And if you want the truth, I can't honestly say that I will ever be one hundred percent ready for marriage...it's almost like we have a completely different understanding of what it means to love and be loved, we've both had different experiences of it, like for me...it was always unconditional, my mum loved me no matter what. But for you, the struggle you had with your parents after you came out, the way your sister always pushed you around, love was always something that you had to earn...and I'm guessing now that you have mine, you need some way of ensuring it..." Emily's head dropped again, her deep chestnut eyes running away from the raw truth and passion raging in mine. I tilted her head up again, forcing her now tear filled eyes to face my own as a purely ideal smile spread across my face.

We did have a completely different understanding of love, but it can transcend everything, no matter what language you speak, if at all, love is something that the simplest person can understand. That absolute yearning for someone, the knowledge that you can never well and truly be without them and live; but more importantly than anything the utter feeling of completion that resounds around your soul when you look them in the eye...love, the most difficult of emotions, but completely universal. I wasn't done yet...

"But knowing how important it is to you made me rethink slightly, your happiness means the world to me and I completely meant what I said on the post-it the very first day you walked away from me...I'll do anything...I'm sure that marriage comes under the header of anything, Ems...if marriage is what you want more than everything, then I will just have to fucking get over it." She allowed a hopefully happy tear to fall down her cheek before squeezing my hand carefully and shaking her head.

"No...Naoms, being away from you made me notice and appreciate ever tiny thing about you, even the ones I hadn't realised before...it's your values and premises that make you who you are, make you the person I fell head over heels in love with. I can't ask you to change that, love may be unconditional, but it still requires compromise, I fucking love you more than life Naoms. All the heartache and pain we have been through resoundingly proves that our love runs deeper than anything made concrete by the government...my heart has and always will beat for you, I just never thought that it would be enough; until each breath was taken away by your struggle to fight yourself round to marrying me. Everything just turned to shit far too quickly for me to stop and fucking think about it, you're right. Your happiness means everything to me and marriage if it happens; happens and if it is something that we never agree on then that is fucking fan-dabby-dosey too..." I recalled every single syllable, every poised breath she had taken and it was then the realisation hit me that we were going to get through this, everything was going to be ok because the love we had for each other was endless, both giving in to the other...perfectly contented for anything to fucking happen.

"Sounds fucking good to me..." I figured I should probably speak before the silence had chance to descend again, kissing her slowly before allowing her tongue permission to dance with my own. She smiled against my lips and I pulled back, taking a deep breath to refill the air that Emily's kiss had stolen from me.

"I'll always love you...this time, don't forget it though..." She smiled in remembrance of our past, nodding furiously and wiping the fallen, happy, tears away from her cheek. I kept glancing around the room, half expecting a black hole to envelope us both, we had finally just fucking talked things through, a final exclamation of the love that resided between us, a bond that would never be broken. Pure unfaltering love, that needed no excuse or confirmation. She kissed me gently again, with the promise of what I hoped was to come, naked bodies entangling between heated sheets.

"I know..." She whispered against my neck, a perfect response that made every single second of angst we had both endured throughout the past god knows how many weeks dissolve completely. Leaving just Emily Fitch and Naomi Campbell, fondling on the sofa, completely forgetting the world that still revolved around us, drowning into each other.

**There y'all have it! :D**

**A little light hearted entertainment that I really hoped you all enjoyed reading! But now comes your part – Review please! :P it really does make me so very happy to hear what you have to say**

**Methinks there are two chapters left now! :( **

**But yea...love you all for reading as always! **


	25. Chapter 24

**Penultimate chapter...**

**I can't believe that this is coming to an end, I am going to miss it so much and I have to break the news to you all that I'm not entirely sure whether there is going to be another sequel...I really do think this comes to an actual end after the next chapter! NOOOO!!**

**But anyhow...enjoy!**

Two weeks, four days and sixteen hours had passed without much effort on my part, or Emily's come to think of it...we just existed together, in the peace that actually talking things through had left us in. Emily had pretty much moved back into the apartment with me, all but officially anyway, we were going to have a housewarming piss up at some point but work seemed to take up far too much of our time at the moment.

The corporate party had been utterly shit; Emily and I had gone as a couple, hand in hand against all the hidden stares and careful muttering. I had got completely drunk off my tits, needing Ems to hold me up on six different occasions, each time causing her to laugh addictively at my unique twatness. We had been at the centre of attention, the focal point of everyone's conversation; it was almost like no one had ever seen a lesbian before...let alone fucking two. We hadn't stayed long, managing to disappear after a few short, slightly awkward, hours.

We had spent most of our time, out of work and the shit parties that neither of us actually wanted to fucking go to, cuddled up in the protective cover of the bedroom. Bodies reconnecting, tongues lashing, skin against skin, hands roaming over every inch of each other and allowing our souls to reconnect in the most beautiful of ways. I think I knew where ever single freckle was on her naked frame, how she reacted to every movement my fingertips made against her. It was a perfectly flawless connection that made the entire world seem less important, all that mattered was me, Emily and a cold bottle of Pinto Grigio.

It was the height of summer now, nearing the end of June and the sun was at its most glorious, shining down upon each and every day, making everything seem one hell of a lot more fucking beautiful. Cook was staying with Katie pretty much indefinitely, which was fucking amazing, Bristol really was too far away and no matter how perfectly my life was rolling along the right track...I still missed the fuck out of him. Effy and Mel seemed to be hanging around too, Effy had saved up quite a bit of the millions and millions of fucking pounds she was getting paid to pretty much do nothing, so she quit her job and things were going well for them. Everything was turning out right; both my best friends were now very close just in case of some potential mental breakdown. Katie seemed happy with Cook, they were such a cute couple it was almost sickly, but they had a positive effect on each other, she made him grow up and he would protect her through anything. I was scared that my life was so fucking happy, usually when things seem too good to be true, it's usually because they are and something is about to go terribly wrong, but with the ball breaker that is Mel around, I felt suddenly comforted. Time seemed to pass by with ease, I didn't care, I was with Emily and therefore unbothered by anything the world had to throw at me.

*

Saturday morning had appeared with grace and Emily stirred beside me, naked skin brushing against naked skin, pulling each other back from the edge of sleep.

"Mmm morning..." Emily's words caressed along my neck as she nuzzled closer towards me which, considering the entanglement that was our limbs, I didn't think was actually possible.

"Hey you," I dropped a kiss onto her hair and moved my hand carefully along the length of her spine, smiling as her back arched slightly which pushed her stomach tighter against my side. Everything about waking up with Emily wrapped around me was absolutely brilliant, no words can describe the heat that resides between us.

"Another day in bed then?" She propped herself up into her elbow so she could regale me in all my glory, allowing her chestnut brown eyes to wander over every inch of me that wasn't covered by the sheets we had spent all night fucking in. I turned onto my side so that I could pull Emily's face so much closer to my own and capture her lips briefly. The force of her kiss was enough to shake me fully awake and as I opened my eyes to look into hers, I noticed the sun was seemingly even more eloquent today.

"Nah, let's make it fucking official...house warming?" Emily nodded gently allowing her flamed hair to flow around my vision, keeping every single detail of my focus well and truly fixed on her breathtaking beauty. She really was the most gorgeous person in my world, flawless really, if I couldn't look at anything else for the rest of my life it would be fucking fine with me.

"You want me to call them all? What time shall we say?" I kissed her again, promptly shutting up the exhaust of question that seemed to fall from her brain as soon as the plan for the day had been mentioned. I took her mind completely off of everything by running my fingertips over the inside of her thigh, smiling as she gasped against the sudden movement and my increasingly hungry kiss.

"Come on, don't start...we need to get up and sorted if you want to get...fucked...tonight." She raised one of her eyebrows in a completely sexy manner that I find terribly hard to ignore; she can be such a tease sometimes. One final kiss and she is up, wrapping my fucking dressing robe around her lovely pale skin, blocking my view of the ecstasy that is her body and making me tut incandescently against the now nearly cold space where we had been intertwined. I huffed as silently as possible but was still rewarded by a smirk from a now nearly completely covered Emily, standing near the door to the front room.

I got up slowly, knowing that she is as turned on by my naked exterior as I am by hers, turning my back on her momentarily I smile as I hear that her breathing has quickened slightly as I pull on the silk bottoms that I had found in one of my bedside draws. I turn around to face her, still nothing covering me above the waist and wander over until I am pinning her softly against the hard wooden door. I ran kisses along her neck, she tilts her head back allowing me more room to play, I pause as I notice the mark I had left her from the previous night and how she groans slightly as my hand slides within the warm comfort of the fluffy robe she had stolen.

"Fuck it..." She murmured whilst untying the sash as quickly as possible, making my assault into the robe so much fucking easier, kissing down towards the top of her breasts, struggling for breath as her nails dug into my back. My hips thud against hers, only the thin layer of silk moving between us is stopping the heated friction of her skin against my own. She kissed me hungrily, moaning into my mouth as our tongues embraced, one of her hands had moved up and tangled itself in my hair, the other was pulling at the hem of my trousers, thudding me into her harder and faster.

I flailed wildly, running effortless finger tips down her skin and helping the robe to fall unforced to the floor, her back arched gently pushing her further into me. I held onto her waist as my mouth continued the assault on her skin, rolling my tongue over one nipple then the other, swirling my fingers over her hips, stomach, thigh and then back again. Without asking, she lifted her knee and gently encased my hips and as she started to thrash against me I could feel the warm moisture of her excitement. Smiling to myself I moved one hand downwards and started teasing around her core, making her want it, making her almost beg for me to be inside her.

Her building desire didn't take long to erupt, a few agonisingly teasing filled minutes of hands roaming and haltered kisses, she was pushing me back towards the bed, ripping at the one item of clothing that encased me.

*

The sex was fucking amazing and we had just stayed wrapped up in each other's arms until lunch time, wanting nothing more than to do what Emily had suggested first and spend the day in bed. Unfortunately me and my big mouth had put the idea of actually doing something into her head, after making a few phone calls, everyone was coming round at seven, but before that we were going out with Effy and Mel for some 'retail therapy.' Fucking shopping, instead of spending every second playing with Emily's nakedness, we were going shopping, _brilliant._

Clothes had never felt so horrible, we had spent fourteen hours pretty much completely naked, and now here I was in jeans and a vest top waiting to be dragged around a few shops to look at shoes. It's not that I don't like shopping; it's the fact that I don't like shopping when I could be making Emily scream, or wriggling beneath her expert touch. Although I'm pretty sure I would dislike anything if getting her naked was the other option, orgasmic fucking was definitely near the top of my list, only behind a few things like just being with Emily...and a good cup of coffee. I was firmly stuck in a daydream when the door was knocked, I knew opening it would mean confirmation that this really was happening and going back to bed simply wasn't an option. _Selfish, sex addicted prick...open the fucking door..._

"Hey babes..." Mel hugged me tightly before barging her way in, leaving me to exchange a few hidden glances with Effy, the all-knowing, before offering everyone a pre-shop drink whilst Emily was finishing getting herself ready. No one would join me in my afternoon cheer so I just chugged down an ice cold beer as the bedroom door opened. I had bared witness to Emily entering a room probably something near to ten thousand times and it still had the same jaw dropping effect on me. I'm sure she could enter a room without showering for a week, looking completely fucking gross and my heart would still fill up with the warmth of her presence. Effy and Mel were muttering to themselves on the sofa, utterly oblivious to Emily's arrival.

"You all ready?" Mel jumped slightly and Effy just smiled as she saw the luminous look that I am sure I had on my face.

"Yea, Cook and Katie are meeting us at the retail park..." Effy took out a cigarette and started walking towards the door, giving me hope that spending the afternoon with Cook would make shopping almost bearable.

Emily gathered her keys and walked up to me whilst I finished gulping down the beer that I didn't really want to leave half finished to go flat. Lacing her fingers within my own and instantly taking away every ounce of boredom I could feel starting to wash over me before starting to pull me out of the door. Mel was sniggering like a buffoon at our insurmountable cuteness and I slapped her playfully across the shoulder before following her out into the blossoming sunlight.

It didn't take us long to get into the centre of town, Mel at the helm of the clapped out old banger was fucking funny, she had the most brilliant road rage and had cut up three learners, a lorry and some poor old guy on a bike. Shouting something along the lines of 'get off the road you shrivelled old cunt...' or words to that effect, Emily and I were too busy wetting ourselves at the utter hilarity of the entire situation that it was hard to take it all in. Finding a parking space was the hardest thing, we had gone round and around the multi-story, more than fucking once and Mel was getting more and more annoyed, which just made the rest of us laugh all the more.

"Ok, fucking stop laughing, I'll turn this car around..." She yelled sarcastically as she finally pulled into the space that Emily had spotted about ten minutes ago. We were meeting Katie and Cook by the fountain in the centre of town in half an hour, it was a fucking trek from the car park but it was such a lovely day so a little walk couldn't hurt.

*

I was fucking knackered, the walk had hurt, in fact I was so out of shape and should probably invest in some home gym equipment to get some of my staying power back. Emily of course was the only thing that kept me going, her and her 'don't get fit get Fitch' upbringing left her incredibly strong and with the stamina of a marathon runner. The fountain was in sight and we were only ten minutes late, Katie's now deep purple hair was shining in the sunlight and Cook was dancing around splashing at the odd pigeon and munching on an apple.

"Naomikins!" He shouted and ran towards me, arms flailing wildly, apple well and truly thrown to somewhere before crushing me into his embrace allowing my head to rest against his chest. After he let me go he put one strong arm over my shoulders and one over Emily's before walking us back up towards where Katie was now stood. The sisters exchanged hugs and a swift kiss on the cheek whilst Cook and I just stood there, grinning at the slight awkwardness that still surrounded any pleasantries between them, she treated me better than she treated Emily. Mel and Effy had already disappeared into Miss Selfridge, the rest of us followed after a few moments, me dragging my feet as much as possible, I just wanted to sit out in the sun with Emily and forget the world again...but unfortunately that didn't really seem to be an option.

Clothes shop after fucking clothes shop, the only thing that broke the boredom was an occasional kiss from Emily and Cook trying on bras. I had managed to force myself into buying a new pair of jeans, a shirt that pictured Pac-man and a striped hoodie. I was so indulged in fighting to stay awake that I didn't notice Cook 'pssst-ing' at me from hiding slightly behind the trouser rail.

"What's wrong babe?" He immediately grabbed me and spun me around to face him, clamping his hand tightly over my mouth, forcing me to be quiet which I didn't really understand.

"Shh, I don't want Katie to know what is going on..." He whispered looking genuinely concerned , I nodded furiously and he released me from his grasp allowing me to breathe.

"Ok...sorry..." I urged him to continue, almost scared at his sudden sincerity.

"Katie and I have been dating for a while now, and it just fucking feels right Naomikins, I don't want to fuck it up. It's been three months today, I think she has forgotten but I want to fucking get her something to you know, try and be...bloody cute." I couldn't help but laugh, he had never been like this over anyone before, it was almost disconcerting but it added another depth to Cook that I was so happy that he let me see it.

"Ok, like what...a dress, jewellery, chocolates or flowers..." My mind ran riot and I found that I was imagining the look on Katie's face when Cook did something completely out of the character they all knew and loved.

"Jewellery, but...fuck...you have to help..." I just nodded with an insanely huge grin on my face, I hugged him carefully letting him know in some part just how proud of him I was. My little James Cook was growing up and starting the treacherous but completely worthwhile journey that is love. Before I knew what was happening or even had time to tell Emily some kind of profound lie as to where we were running off too I had been whisked away to the jewellery store up the road slightly. Looking over all sorts of necklaces, bracelets, anklets and eventually moving onto the ring section, I was no help at all. I found myself drowning in the wedding bands, silently choosing the most perfect ones for Emily and me even though we had agreed that marriage definitely wasn't on the cards just yet, if at all.

"What about this?" Cook snapped me out of it and I noticed he was holding one of the most disgusting pendants I had ever seen. My face must have given away how repulsed I was as his eyes fell and he put the bile green gemstone encrusted tacky shit that he had been holding. I glanced over all the white gold necklaces, finally deciding that one of the best things for him to go with was a simple chain, decorated with a single ruby.

"That's the one." Cook looked to where I was pointing and instantly nodded to the clerk, asking him to gift wrap it so that he didn't have to bother later. He was so fucking lazy but adorable at exactly the same time, his innate grin was just perfect and he handed over the money. Wandering off to complete the sale I decided that I should get Emily a little something in preparation for her birthday. My choice was a considerably quicker one and before ten more agonising minutes had passed we were on our way back to find the others.

**Ta Da! One more chapter to go, this one was actually really hard to write as it was just kind of a link between the last chapter and the end!**

**Well let me know what you all think! (REVIEW please!!)**

**Love you all for reading as usual!**


	26. Tipped With Silver

**This...is...it...**

Shopping had been beyond shit, I wasn't connected to Emily for nearly enough breath-taking moments, even in the cinema. I had been sandwiched between Cook and Emily, who was far too fucking involved in the film to even pretend to care about my fingers running across her knee and up her thigh slightly. Only the sigh of frustration caused her to look around and tell me to be quiet because people were trying to watch the fucking film. So yea, shit...definitely shit.

We were on our way back to the apartment now and I was slightly happier given the current circumstance of Emily being forced to sit on my lap as we now had two extra people to squeeze into the clapped out excuse for a car. She was playing with the back of my hair, kissing me occasionally when my bright blue eyes blazed into hers, making everything seem somehow worth the wait. Cook and Katie were sat next to us and Effy was smirking effortlessly at our obscene closeness in the mirror, having ultimately refused to let Mel drive back seeing how she nearly killed that old guy. Fucking hilarious, but a death by dangerous driving charge that it probably would be best for us to avoid.

The journey home hadn't taken too long and no sooner had I collapsed in my cabbage like state on the sofa, I was under orders to go out with Mel and get in some booze for the oncoming piss up. Cook had lit up a spliff and passed it over to Emily just as I was about to leave, despite Katie's obvious annoyance, he was still undoubtedly just fucking Cook, no one could harness him, but I'm sure Katie Fucking Fitch would give it her best shot.

"Hey don't get her too wasted, Naomi plans to use her later...right babe?" Mel shot me such a look and I could feel all the blood rush to my face in my embarrassment, it took me a while to regain functionality in my brain and words completely escaped me. I just stood there as my eyes flashed between a smug looking Mel, Cook grinning like a fucking idiot and Emily looking just as flushed as me.

"She's just jealous." Effy broke the silence, completely straight faced. It was Mel's turn to wriggle under the intent stares of Emily and me; I think I had a bigger grin on my face than Cook. Before I knew it, Mel had dragged me out of the apartment and out into the quite summer evening to get us the means to get absolutely rat faced. I couldn't stop laughing, she was walking several paces in front of me looking increasingly annoyed at the way Effy had destroyed her attempt at sarcastic genius. The air was thick with the smell of smoke emanating from evening barbeques, the laughter of people in their back gardens met my ears and as the sun started to set over the horizon, everything looked flawless.

"You going to walk this fast all the way there? I need to save my energy remember..." Mel stopped and seemed to fold her arms in front of her before I saw her back start to move in the obvious grip of laughter. I eventually caught up to her and she raised one of her eyebrows effortlessly in some form of silent appreciation at me always being able to rip the absolute piss out of myself around her. In other company I definitely got embarrassed, but when it was just the two of us it seemed that either of us could say absolutely fucking anything and then just shrug and giggle it off.

"Sorry Naoms, so, what is this impromptu party for anyhow?" We walked off at a more leisurely pace; probably a good thing considering smoking from the age of sixteen and a large amount of alcohol had left my insides and fitness levels pretty much fucked.

"Just you know, Emily moving back into the apartment and stuff..."I shuffled forwards and she just stopped, I had completely forgotten her fucking annoying ability to read me like an open book.

"What kind of _stuff_?"She was pretending to be inquisitive; I didn't even know what the fuck I had meant by it...obviously my subconscious trying to tell me that what I had bought in the jewellery store wasn't just an impulse for my girlfriend's birthday.

"You can't say anything, but, I bought wedding bands at the jewellery shop...My brain used the excuse that it would just be something nice for Emily's birthday...but..." Mel's face erupted, such a massive grin that was, to be honest, really disconcerting; once again showing that she knew what was going on in my own head better than I did.

"I knew it, not one to give in aye? Naomi Campbell getting down on one knee just because you love her...that's fucking brilliant!" She hugged me, holding me so tightly, I was confused...I didn't want to propose...I still didn't really want to get married, so then why the fuck had I felt the complete urge to buy something so absolutely connected to something that I still hated so god damn much.

"I...no, I, um...didn't..." I was floundering; Mel knew it and she released me from her almost killing embrace to look me square in the eye with a mixture of panic and complete confusion.

"So, what's going on?" _I don't fucking know, where is all the 'I know you better than you know yourself crap when I fucking need it for a change? _No, she doesn't deserve anger; it's all my own fucking doing, once again managing to confuse the situation beyond all recommendation. I just shrugged, light-heartedly against the new direction of the conversation before noticing that we had stopped walking completely.

"Maybe...oh, I dunno...you're fucking weird!" Mel smiled and walked off, there was no way in hell I was going to let her get this much out of me without helping me to figure it out in some way. I needed her ever so judgemental nature now more than anything and she was fucking walking away.

"Wait, what do you think I should do?" I knew it definitely wasn't a decision she could make for me, but she had helped me through so much, I would definitely never admit it to Cook, but Mel knew me better than anyone, after all she had enabled me to find myself way back at the beginning of university and since then had been nothing but a proverbial pain in my arse.

"I dunno babe, well, your fear of marriage is based on what? You see it as confirmation, something that shouldn't be needed because love should be all powerful...right?" I nodded, urging her to continue her psycho dribble that was actually rather spot on so far.

"Well, maybe if you, like...just asked her not to marry you properly, but have almost a wedding that isn't, a few friends, each of you could say just what the other means and then you could have the rings as your tacky reminder of how fickle your own beliefs seem when it comes to the love of your life's happiness..." I fucking loved this girl, how she could make so much sense of something going on in my own life that I couldn't even pretend to comprehend right now. I must have been looking at her with the complete adoration I knew I had in my eyes as she averted her gaze and started walking again. Silence descended and I just trudged quickly, caught up with her once again and wrapped her up in my arms. Thanking her for the insight that may once again make everything turn out almost too perfectly. She smiled took my hand before allowing us both to walk into the supermarket without a care in my world, _finally,_ I took the rather large shopping list out of my back pocket. It was full of the usual, vodka, vodka and more fucking vodka, if I didn't know any better I would think that Emily was trying to get me drunk with the amount of shit that she had asked me to buy. It would take a lot, with all the neat spirits I had divulged in during the last few years, I was pretty sure I was getting immune to the stuff.

"Corona?" Mel seemed to have pushed our prior conversation well and truly out of her brain before she added her own input to what was missing, good old fashioned beer, I nodded insanely and she loaded up the trolley that she had produced from god knows where.

"Sounds good...what the fuck do we need more apple sours for?" I wasn't really speaking to anyone, but Mel still chuckled to herself at my instinctive swearing at things that made absolutely no sense. She didn't answer; we just put all the crap in the trolley and made our way back to the apartment as quickly as possible. I immediately regretted the decision to walk the short distance, even with the ruck-sack trick, that I had picked up at numerous festivals Emily and I had been to, the booze was still fucking heavy to carry. Effy and Cook met us at the door and helped lighten the load, spliff still hanging out of his mouth and the smell of my beer heavy on his breath, they seemed to have started the party without us, turning to Mel, the look on her face suggested she was thinking the exact same thing.

"We've got some catching up to do babes...Dutch courage for you though I think?" She grinned before handing me the bottle of Jagermeister we had picked up for the two of us and I took a deep swig allowing the warmth to wash all over my senses.

Three shots and four beers later, I was suitably wasted, but not too far gone that I wouldn't be able to ask Emily not to marry me when I felt the moment was right. The music was blaring and I was feeling completely shit for not feeling able to dance with Emily just in case all the words I was thinking about saying came out completely fucking wrong and I ended up asking her to do something utterly ridiculous. Cook seemed to catch on to the fact that something was up, as he practically threw the beer he was drinking down himself as he caught Mel and I talking through what I needed to say. He was far too fucking intelligent when he was pissed, it was bloody annoying how well he could read situations, like one of them sniffer police dogs, always on the scent of something that didn't really seem right somehow. Emily didn't seem to care that I was being so absent, deciding to take advantage of time alone with a now very drunk Katie Fitch to have some well needed bonding time.

"Naomikins...let's go fucking mental..." Cook's way of breaking the tension and the silence was to scream at me and hand me two flaming shots of sambuca, fucking disgusting, I hate aniseed, but I downed them with ease. This time remembering to blow out the fire first, I had singed my fringe in Uni on more than one occasion because I simply forgot.

"You're fucking planning something..." He shouted, causing far too much attention to be thrown our way.

"Shut the fuck up Cook, yea alright, I'm going to ask Emily not to marry me...don't fucking ruin it!" He looked confused, so I took the time to explain it, as eloquently as physically possible considering my now rather happy drunken state and how quiet I was hafting to speak. I could almost hear the penny drop as he attempted to point at his nose to indicate some understanding, unfortunately for him but fucking hilariously for everyone else, he missed and ended up shoving his finger straight in his eye...collapsing momentarily in a heap of laughter before standing upright again and downing his eighth beer.

Mel elbowed me gently and raised her glass over to a rather gorgeous looking Emily, looking in my direction, seemingly lost at the fact that Katie had disappeared somewhere, probably to pee, leaving her all alone. She looked so fucking cute. Mel shoved me forwards, causing my footing to fail miserably and me to stumble back into the front room before continuing the short journey into Emily's outstretched arms. Her touch was earth shattering; her hands ran along the length of my spine making me shiver genuinely uncontrollably against her. Leaning up, she encased my lips within her own, mouths moving perfectly together, pushing me to catch my breath. She smiled, the perfect smile that still after all this time made me feel like I was about to collapse. Utter brilliance resided in that smile, actually my whole fucking world lived quite happily in everything about her, something that didn't really need getting used to, she had been my life forever.

"You alright babe?" She asked gently, it wasn't the real question that was burning into her brain, I knew it wasn't...she really wanted to know what the buggering hell was going on and why Mel and I were whispering and giggling like rebellious school girls. Something she would just have to wait a while and find out, my own brain deciding that; for it to actually mean something I probably shouldn't be this fucking drunk.

"Yea, I'm with you...everything is just dandy!" I smiled my best smile, hoping all other questions would just flow out of her mind completely as I leant down to kiss her again. Harder this time, more force and longing hiding behind every movement my lips made against hers, tongues roaming freely, a perfectly drunken snog. Pulling away momentarily to regain some of the breath I had lost, I noticed Katie and Cook looking rather...well too fucking cute, he had just given her the necklace I had picked out and she seemed to really love it. Chalk up one for the blonde who knows shit tons about both the twins, _fuck off...I'm proud of the insight I have thanks very much! _Katie wrapped her arms around him and they shared a kiss of their own, making me gag only slightly, which was impressive, before everyone seemed to gather on the chairs and relevant sofa's for a rather shit game of charades.

As Emily was trying to find some non-embarrassing way of acting out the movie 'Cocktail' I found myself diving into just how terrific this whole reconciliation period had been and how I didn't want to go and fucking ruin it by making a spectacle that I wasn't sure was going to be completely accepted and liked. On one hand, she could see the effort and idea behind my 'un-proposal' and say how cute it is before taking me gently and then fucking my brains out for good measure. But on the other, she could take it as a kick in the teeth, say she never wants to see me again and my life would end completely. Suddenly I wasn't sure it was worth the risk...

"Fucking, Cocktail!" Cook shouted, bringing my attention back to the room with a bump as Emily jumped up and down with him for a bit before returning to my arms. I inhaled every part of her, relishing in the gorgeous mixture of her perfume, weed and vodka...quite a combination that I was utterly addicted to. Cook was about to start his turn, which I assumed would be another porno title that none of us had heard of and would just end up guessing stupidly hilarious ones until he gave in and sat down, but Mel stopped him.

"I've got a cracker..." She stood up, winked at me and then got to work, telling us that it was a film that had four words. I was completely scared, Mel's like me; she doesn't wink easy so you had better believe she had a fucking good reason for just doing so at me. I wasn't really paying much attention to what she was acting out, the only thing running through my mind was a million scenarios of how this night could end...far too many of them involved Emily not talking to me and just walking away for good. Muffled noises in the background suggested they were getting close to guessing the right answer so I returned my full attention in time to see Mel pointing furiously at me, _Jesus, what have I fucking missed? _

"My Best Friend's Wedding!" Katie shouted, and my heart immediately jumped into the back of my throat. Swallowing it back down as quickly as I could I attempted to hide the flushed cheeks I knew I couldn't escape from, bitch had set me up, yet again. I just sat there, waiting for the realisation to click into place, hoping that Emily would vaguely understand before Cook spilt the beans. Eventually I felt her attention turn to me, her deep brown eyes completely sobering in light of what I was about to do, Mel turned off the dull music and everyone else had muted to a hushed silence waiting for someone to speak. I took one deep and completely steadying breath, allowing me to stand up and face what I hoped would be the rest of my life head on. I took a few steps away from the sofa before turning around and looking Emily square in the face, nothing but complete sincerity in my eyes other than the burning fires of love that resided within me.

"Emily...I...was wondering if maybe...you would, um..." I was flailing, missing the point completely and giving her false hope that I was indeed about to get down on one knee and ask her to marry me properly. _Deep breath, just go with it._

"...What I mean is, you know how I feel about marriage, how our love is stronger than everything and doesn't need to actually be proven to the government or state, or anyone else for that matter. But I look at you and I see my future, I see a family...maybe; one day...but more than anything, it doesn't scare me anymore. You take all the shit away and leave me with just more strength than I know what to do with, you mean everything to me...so I guess what I was wondering is, if you would do me the complete honour of not marrying me...but accepting this ring, accepting me for who I am...someone who isn't going to run anymore, someone who will always fucking be right by your side, until the very end." I took out the wedding bands that I had removed from my bedside cabinet earlier as she stood up and crossed the few steps towards me, tears in her eyes. But no smile, fuck! It was all going to go tits up, she knew I was just being a twat and now it was all going to turn to shit again. She paused as she got to me, taking one of the rings out of the box and...Slipping it onto her finger. Perfect fit and I found the strength to release the breath that I didn't realise that I was holding. She took the other one out, allowing silent tears to caress her perfect cheeks as she took my left hand and kissed the knuckles before encasing my second finger in with the silver band of belonging. It didn't burn, I didn't feel like I had let any of my morals and beliefs go, it just felt fucking amazing that I was hers and she in turn was completely mine.

She flashed forwards, burying herself into my chest, crying the happy tears that I really hadn't expected to see. Tilting her head upwards allowing me to lean down and kiss her perfectly with so much promise, momentarily encased in our own little bubble before being attacked by arms and embraces of the four other people that seemingly meant the world to both of us. Screaming, followed by laughing, followed by more drinking and eventually the realisation that everything was now and would forever be...

_Perfect._

**Fin...**

**Authors note to follow...obviously! :D (I won't tell you or ask you to review, just the fact that you have been reading is enough for me!)**

**Much love, forever and always!**


	27. Authors Note LOVEFEST

**So that is it, finished and I am now sat in my bedroom missing it completely! I never realised that both New Foundations and It's Not All So Black and White would take me on such a brilliant journey! **

**When I started writing way back in February after the utter shitness of episode two of season four, I didn't think I would get the response that I did and am absolutely thrilled with the feedback that I have been getting! It is no word of a lie when I say that this whole saga would never have got off the ground if it wasn't for every single one of you. I am so inspired by how many people have read this and even more thankful for each and every review, you all mean the world to me and, well...I can't really put into words just how amazing it feels to know that in some way I have brought light to you all. **

**It has been an emotional journey for me, and a physical strain at times, really is safe to say I only have a few friends left considering the fact that every time I tried to socialise I ended up curling into myself and scribbling notes on anything I had to hand...usually my skin. You see what you all do to me, you destroyed my social-life with your awesomeness...Who the hell am I kidding, I enjoyed writing this for you all like fooking loads! But yeah, really, without your support I probably would have given up long before this even took off. **

**Many of the scenarios in both New Foundations and Black and White were just thought up in the mixture of rainbows, musical brilliance and fucked up reality that resides within my head...but there were moments when I threw a little bit of me into the folds, drawing from personal experience really helped me grasp hold of the story and shake it into submission. **

**Ok, seriously, am actually lost for words with that single non-relenting tear rolling down my cheek at how sad I am that this is over, sat here just writing the first thing that pops into my brain so *apologies if this isn't really making any sense at all!***

**I have loved every single word of these stories, Black and White in particular as it gave me a chance to discuss a topic that, really, is very rarely noted down as having all the toughness and angst of regular marriage. Whenever I read an article or something involving Civil Partnership or gay marriage it always reads as if the gay couple are just happy to have equal opportunity, instead of recognising all the hardship that goes behind making such a difficult decision. Add in Naomi's apparent dislike for anything adhering to the norm of society and it made for some very interesting situations that I really hope you all enjoyed as much as I did. **

**I got some feedback about the way that I didn't really feature Emily's POV as much, simply because I originally decided that I wanted to do it in Naomi's first person perspective. Sorry that it took me so long to throw in an Emily chapter, but, I guess I just felt like I could grasp hold of Naomi's character a little better...I have always wanted to be blonde! :P – So sue me! :D But yea, to everyone that wanted more of an insight into Emily, I am sorry, it just didn't feel right for me to write so much in the form of Naomi and then keep switching back and forth...I wouldn't have thought it was much good and would have been all pissed off because it sucked! **

**You are all going to hate me for saying this, but I have absolutely no idea whether I am going to continue writing Naomily or move onto something else, actually I have absolutely no fucking clue what I am going to write about next. I am completely out of inspiration, might just become a reader for a few weeks to try and give my brain a little bit of a boost! :D (Please don't hate me too much; these past few months I have thrown myself into every single chapter and am inspirationally drained, I need a break! And it's not like you don't have other completely awesome stories to be getting on with!) **

**Speaking of amazing stories and your amazing awesomeness, here is the little shout out section of my Author's Note! Please don't be disheartened if you are not mentioned by name, as I keep stressing if you weren't reading right now I probably would have stopped writing a long time ago! **

***Clears Throat***

**Firstly I would like to thank LuvActually, all those many moons ago, before New Foundations, before I had even signed up for this website, I stumbled across 'The Retreat' and read it pretty much cover to cover in a day or two. Brilliant writing added to an original and completely cracking story-line captured my attention completely! – Largely because of you I am on here at all...so thank you!**

**Moving swiftly on to Naomilyloveless, I have been reading your stories, really good actually! Thank you for your continuous reviews and in one I believe you said something about learning from writers like me – made me smile like a complete loon so...ta love!**

**MegDemz, no...you rock my world, your message got me through some serious shit and made me update a lot faster than I thought I was going to so yay!**

**LazyHazy8228, because I made you write that stupidly long sentence! And because your reviews and messages never fail to make me smile! I love that I could invoke such a reaction from you, thanks babes! :)**

**Madambitch – You were my first ever review and your in-depth reviews since then have helped me no end, big love to you lady!**

**KayLedge – Hope you managed to complete your English coursework despite all the chapters! :D Thanks for every single thing you reviewed on! **

**Nearly there...**

**Breathemusicforme, because you are plain awesome!**

**KairiM – Hopefully you know just how much I love you! :D Thank you so much for being there for me every step of the way, it really did mean everything! Yay for you and your awesomeness! **

**Last but by no means least – Hypes (HyperFitched, my fucking hero!) What can I say, the fact that my meagre attempt at a story has in some small way inspired you to write the awesome story that you are is one of my greatest achievements! Your calm and personally amazing reviews have kept me going when I had the most severe case of writer's block imaginable, I really cannot put into words just what your support means to me. But just, really...thank you so much and frankly no...Lady, you fucking rock! **

**That's it, but still, my utter thanks and adoration goes out to every single person who stuck with this story, through thick and thin, through stuff they didn't really like and stuff they enjoyed! You all make my world a much brighter place and I hope that I can figure out something else to write for you soon!**

**So I guess all that is left to say is something along the lines of...**

**BIG LOVE!! Good afternoon, good evening and goodnight...see you on the flipside (LOL – I am so cool...)**

**Peace out...for now anyways!**

**Your resident fluffmeister,**

**FaithSky**

**xx**


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